


Our Song

by brittany4824



Category: Veronica Mars (Movie 2014), Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Friend to Lover, Friends With Benefits, POV First Person, Slow Burn, flangst, non-canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-11-20 02:43:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 73,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11327019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brittany4824/pseuds/brittany4824
Summary: VERONICA:It should have been the worst night of my life. It should have left me gutted and alone. But instead I found him... or he found me, rather.The worst night of my life led me to a whirlwind love affair that had a time limit.I knew it. He knew it. But it was devastatingly beautiful.I thought I left the man with amber eyes behind me. A nice memory to pull out on a rainy day. But here he is, handsome as ever in my present. He's bad news, but something keeps pulling me back to him like it had all those years ago.----LOGAN:It was the worst night of her life. I should have just been the messenger. I should have gone home and forgotten about her beautiful, tear stained eyes.But she was my last supper. My last fling before I headed back to my dismal reality.I didn't make promises I knew I couldn't keep. We had rules. We followed them. In the end we said goodbye.But ten years later, I find that pretty blonde that haunts my dreams in the last place I ever thought I'd find her. But I'm no good for her. I never have been and never will be. But how do I convince myself of that when she's all I've ever wanted?





	1. The Moment I Knew

**Author's Note:**

> So I have been away, but I'm back! This fic was inspired by Taylor Swift's song 'The Moment I Knew' but then it became a monster, and there will be many more songs from T-Swift that inspired the content. Each chapter will be named after a new song. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy! Comments and reviews and likes and whatever feedback is always appreciated!
> 
> Note: so far it is not beta'd. If you'd want to beta, I wouldn't complain. Hit a sista up. If not, I'll do my best!

**Ten Years Earlier: Veronica**

 

 

_ Do not cry, Veronica. You’re stronger than that.  _

It was the mantra I was replaying over and over in my head as each hour ticked by. Each time the door would swing open, I turned my head to see if it was him who walked through the door. Each time it never was. I didn’t get it. He said he’d be here. I held hope. He  _ would  _ be here. 

Deep down I knew I was lying to myself. 

“Veronica!” came a familiar voice behind me. I turned to find Lilly Kane—  _ his  _ older sister. 

It took every ounce of strength to smile and say, “Lils, hey.” 

She looked me up and down, appreciating her handiwork. I was wearing a fancy black party dress— strapless and black, hair pulled to the side and red lipstick. I had even pulled out the red lipstick. Lilly, my force-to-be-reckoned-with best friend, had swiped it across my lips earlier that night informing me that I was “red satin” tonight. 

_ Maybe if I had been red satin before tonight he would be here tonight.  _

“Where’s my brother?” she asked carefully. I watched as she swept her gaze across the busy room. People were drinking and laughing having a good time at the party. At  _ my  _ party. It was my big 2-0. Who would have known turning twenty would feel like agonizing worry rather than mindless fun?

Where  _ was  _ her brother? Hell if I knew. But could I admit that to Lilly? I already felt the blush of embarrassment rising on my neck without my permission. There was no way I could admit that my boyfriend of five years had shown me up at my own birthday. 

“He’s coming,” I shrugged nonchalantly, hoping she wouldn’t catch on to the anxiety that was filling my belly. Lilly narrowed her eyes, but must have decided to believe me because she shoved a glass of wine into my hand and scurried off to her latest male conquest. Brody? Brady? Bryan? I couldn’t remember.

As I took in the scene of the party, I couldn’t help but feel a range of emotions rushing through me. I was angry that I had let the Kanes convince me to have this extravagant party when they knew how much I hated parties. I was disappointed with myself for actually getting excited about this damn party. But mostly I was worried about Duncan. Where the hell was he? 

I had called him four times and texted him twice that many. Each call and text was left unanswered. 

_ Be cool Soda Pop,  _ I tried reassuring myself. He was fine. Of course he was fine. He was just late, and I was sure he had a good explanation. 

But as the hours continued to pass, and the people around me got more intoxicated, I began to lose whatever hope I had mustered. 

The Christmas lights Lilly had set up around the windows and across the ceiling twinkled in the dimly lit room. Normally I would have found them beautiful, but tonight I found them to be another overwhelming aspect of this full room. I felt claustrophobic. I needed to get away. I wanted to be alone. 

I pushed through the crowd of people, trying to get to the bathroom of my and Lilly’s apartment. 

“Veronica?” Lilly’s voice called from behind me. I ignored her and continued my departure. 

When I finally got to my destination, I hurried into the small bathroom and slammed the door shut, locking it before Lilly could get to me and see the tears that were currently streaming down my face. 

_ “Veronica Mars. You open this damn door right now!” _ my best friend’s muffled voice called from behind the heavy wooden door.

“Lils just give me a second! I’m just peeing!” I lied. God, I hoped nobody was standing next to her. The bathroom bit was TMI for anyone else’s ears. 

_ “I know you’re lying!” _

She was relentless. She was  _ always  _ relentless. 

_ “What’s going on?” _ I heard a male voice ask. 

Oh god, I was becoming a spectacle. 

_ “Casey, thank God. Veronica locked herself in there because my brother is a douche who ditched his girlfriend’s birthday party.”  _

Leave it to Lilly to air out my dirty laundry in front of my entire birthday party. 

_ “Veronica, it’s Casey. Let us in.”  _

No.  _ Hell _ , no. Casey was sweet and cute and not seeing me like this. Beside he was Duncan’s friend, not mine. When push came to shove he’d choose Duncan. 

Everyone always chose Duncan. 

_ “Veronica?”  _ This time the voice belonged to basketball player, Wallace Fennell. He had gone to Neptune High with all of us, but I hadn’t ever noticed him until we were made lab partners in our college Bio class. Slowly I had redeemed myself from being the ditzy popular blonde he thought I was in high school to the smart and sassy friend in college. 

“Wallace go away. Take everyone with you. Please.” In that moment, I wasn’t opposed to begging. I just wanted two seconds alone. Just two. 

_ “Guys,” _ I heard him say,  _ “Come on, let’s give the birthday girl some space.” _

I heard Lilly’s quiet protests, but couldn’t make out what she was saying. He must have gotten them to go because within a few seconds it was silent on the other side of the door. 

_ “Veronica?” _

It was Wallace. Reluctantly I agreed to open the door and let him in. He stepped in, hurried, and shut the door. Allowing me to lock us back in the painfully pink, floral bathroom. 

“He really didn’t show?” he asked as incredulously as I felt. 

I allowed his words to sink in and choked back a sob. 

“He said he’d be here.” My words sounded hopeless, and I wasn’t sure if I was speaking to Wallace or myself.

Either way, Wallace pulled me into a hug. It should have been awkward. Two college buddies hugging in a small bathroom. We had never really been physical before, and this was our first hug. And I was ruining it by the tears that dampened his pristinely white dress shirt. But instead, it felt perfect. He felt like the brother I never had, and it was exactly what I needed in that moment. 

“Where’s Jackie?” I asked him. I wanted to focus on something other than my current state of affairs. 

“She’s waiting for me on the couch.” 

I sighed, “I’m sorry I’m keeping your from your date.”

He gave me quick shrug. “She understands.” 

Jackie and Wallace had started dating our Freshman year of college. At first I had hated the girl, but as I watched her with Wallace, and her façade faded, I realized they were kind of perfect for each other. 

“Go. Be with her, I know she’s heading to New York for the summer.” 

“I’ll leave when you leave, Supafly.” 

My friends. God help me, they were pushy, but I was kind of glad they were as loyal as they were. 

“Fine,” I agreed. I looked in the mirror, blotting my smeared makeup, and took a deep breath. 

Wallace and I exited the bathroom, and to my surprise the party had died down significantly in the few minutes I was in there. There was still a decent amount of partygoers mingling throughout our living space, but the loud chaos had lulled to a low murmuring of friends. 

Wallace hip bumped me before joining his girlfriend on the couch, and I found my way to the kitchen which was down the hall from the main party.

The kitchen was empty, much to my pleasure, and I quickly found some remaining wine, and poured myself a glass. Most of the alcohol and snacks were gone, and I realized why the masses had dispersed. What’s a party without the drinks? I wasn’t normally one to drink. Maybe a glass of wine with Lilly every once in awhile. But after dealing with my alcoholic mother for years, I had decided to try to stay away from it as much as possible. Nothing to cure your curiosity of alcohol like cleaning up the puke on the floor of your mom’s bathroom once a week. 

“You look nice.” 

The male voice made me jump a mile and I spun to find a very attractive man leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen. 

“Uh, thanks?” I said unsure of who he was and why he had found a sudden interest in me. 

I took in his features, and couldn’t help but notice his tall and beautiful body. He looked rich… and vaguely familiar. But I couldn’t quite place where I knew him from. His brown hair was short, like someone from the military. By the look of his muscular arms he could have easily been in the military too. But it was his crooked smile and amber eyes that had my breath catching in my throat. 

“Logan,” he finally offered after a moment of awkward silence. 

“Veronica,” I replied. With that his eyebrows rose with interest. 

“Mars?” he inquired curiously. I nodded, and so he continued. “Well, in that case, happy birthday.” 

“Thanks,” I replied without much enthusiasm. This seemed to pique his interest, but he didn’t comment on the sour mood I seemed to be in. He watched me intently though, as if he knew all my secrets. 

I didn’t like it. 

As I sipped from my wine filled Red Solo cup, I eyed him sideways. 

“What?” I finally asked. And I found that a smile had crept onto my face without me realizing it. 

“I’m sorry he never showed up… I’m actually here to explain that.” 

My heart stopped and I could hear the blood whooshing in my ears. So he knew Duncan. 

_ Maybe I’ve seen a photo of him from Duncan?  _ I thought, but quickly pushed it aside. He knew where my boyfriend was.

_ Focus, Mars. So where exactly is Duncan Dearest? _

When I didn’t respond, he sighed and answered my unasked question. “He’s with Meg.” 

My stomach dropped, and I felt my face paling. 

Of fucking course. 

Meg Manning had been a constant fight between us ever since our senior year of high school. We had a momentary break up where he had decided to date one of my friend’s, Meg. While dating they got pregnant. 

The problem? I hadn’t even known about them having sex, let alone her being pregnant, until after he had dumped her and started dating me again. To say Meg and my friendship suffered because of it was the understatement of the year. 

When we found out she was pregnant, Duncan told me he loved me, but he was going to be in the baby’s life. I had agreed. It was the right thing to do. But I couldn’t help but feel jealous every time he went to doctor’s visits with her. 

When their daughter arrived, and I watched him hold that baby girl, Rachel, I knew from that moment on I would always be the second choice. That baby became his world. And how can you compete against that? 

I wanted to say I understood. But I didn’t. 

“Is Rachel okay?” I asked, realizing I was being a dick for not being more concerned.

Logan nodded his head, and I saw that there was more. The way his eyes watched me with apprehension. 

“So why is he with Meg?” I found myself asking even though I really didn’t want to know the answer. 

“Veronica…” His voice was full of remorse. This stranger, Duncan’s friend, knew whatever he was about to tell me was going to turn my world upside down. 

“He’s with her, isn’t he? Like,  _ with  _ her with her?” 

Logan didn’t need to tell me, I already knew by the way he studied me. His eyes full of emotion. 

“Why did he send his friend to do his dirty work?” I was surprised at how steady my voice was when in reality I felt like everything was falling apart around me. 

“He didn’t. I knew that he had a long term girlfriend. He’s my best friend. Duncan’s talked about you constantly for the past five years. So when I asked where he was and he told me with his girlfriend at his place, I assumed he was talking about you. When I got to his apartment… it wasn’t you.” 

He paused and watched me as if gaging whether he should continue. When I kept my gaze strong and steady he continued. “I was so pissed. I couldn’t believe that he had lied to, not only me, but you— the girl he said he was going to marry!” 

Logan let out a scoffed laugh. Rolling his eyes, he sighed, “I knew it was Meg because I had met her before when she brought Rachel around. Then I remembered your birthday party was tonight. He had told me about it last week. I called Lilly and she ripped me a new one. Demanding to know if I knew why Duncan hadn’t shown.” 

“Did you tell her?” I asked quietly. I hated the fact that this beautiful stranger knew my boyfriend had cheated on me, but I hoped he hadn’t told anyone else. At least I could break it off with Duncan without becoming the poor girl who wasn’t good enough to keep her boyfriend’s dick out of another woman. 

“No. I came straight here. I had Lilly’s address from the Christmas cards I sent here. I wanted to tell you alone…” 

“Why? You don’t owe me or him anything.” 

“From what Lilly has told me about you, I knew you deserved the truth. Especially when tonight was supposed to be so special.” 

And just like that I knew that he knew. He knew tonight was the night Duncan was going to propose. Lilly had let it slip the other night and made me swear not to tell anyone. 

I felt my face flush even brighter. 

“Well, thank you, I guess.” 

“Veronica!” Lilly slammed into Logan and gaped at him wide eyed. “Holy shit! Logan! You came?” 

She was drunk. 

“Lover, you should have told me!” 

_ Lover _ . My heart did a weird, jealous flip at her use of petname. She only called her boyfriends that. And there had only been a few of those.

Suddenly it clicked, who he was. Logan  _ Echolls _ . Lilly’s long distance boyfriend throughout high school. Aaron and Lynn Echolls’ notorious, bad-boy son. Lilly and Logan’s relationship had been hot and cold and very dramatic. She’d fly out to see him in New York where he was going to boarding school, and would come back a single woman. Each time she would screw around with new guys at home, decide she wanted to date Logan again, and the cycle would restart. 

“Hey, Lilly,” Logan greeted his ex in a low, indecipherable voice. I watched as his eyes bounced between her and I. She must have sensed the tension in the room, because she glanced back in my direction. 

“What’s going on? Why are you here, Logan?” 

“Duncan cheated,” I blurted. I hadn’t meant to tell her. Now that she knew, everyone would know. It was exactly opposite of how I wanted the whole thing to go. Her gasp was so loud, could feel it in my bones. 

“That son of a—” She whipped toward Logan and jabbed a finger into his torso. “And you knew?” 

“Found out tonight,” he admitted. I watched him rubbed his neck with the palm of his hand, looking at me as if to say,  _ Sorry.  _

“Oh ‘Ronica. Donut doesn’t deserve your tears. You. Are. Red satin! He’s… he’s… that itchy shit towels are made out of!” 

That had me smiling a genuine smile. God she was a mess. But she was  _ my  _ mess. 

“It’s time for your birthday song, babe. Come on. Let’s get drunk and find a hottie to hook you up with!” She tugged at my arm and pulled us out of the kitchen, past Logan and into our living room. A large cake, one that I hadn’t a clue how it got there, was in the center of the room, lit with candles. In unison everyone began to sing cheerfully.

_ Happy birthday to you… _

I stared into the flames as they danced, wishing this could have been any other night than tonight. From the corner of my eye I saw that Logan had joined the group that was singing to me. It was only when the voices stopped that I realized I was supposed to blow out my candles. 

“Make a wish, babe!” Lilly hooted before I bent over and blew them out in one breath. 

But I didn’t wish. Not this time. 

My friends cheered and clapped, and I watched them… or rather him. 

_ Logan _ . 

When the party ended and everyone made their way out the door to their next destinations, I found myself telling Jackie and Wallace that we would plan a get together before she went back home to New York. Lilly hugged me, kissed Logan on the cheek before whispering something in his ear, and waved— heading with her new fuck buddy to whatever party she had begged me to join. I refused, wanting to get to bed. I had a lot to think about. 

“So, was it everything you hoped it would be? Lilly sure knows how to throw a party.” Logan’s words were laced with sarcasm, and I wasn’t sure if he was trying to make me feel better or if he didn’t know how to handle weird situations like the one he had found himself in. 

I threw a glare his way. Why was he still here? 

“I don’t know if you noticed, but the door is that way.” I nodded my head toward my front door. He chuckled. 

“You’ve got a bite with that bark?” he asked with a smirk. 

If he didn’t realize he was poking a sleeping bear, he did when I spat, “Okay, asshole, you’ve had your fun. Get the hell out.” 

He studied me, smirk plastered on that gorgeous face before quirking an eyebrow. “Don’t know how Duncan could have possibly thrown away such a sweet girl like you. You seem…  _ fun _ .”  

Who did this jerk think he was? He had waltzed his handsome ass into  _ my  _ house, crashed  _ my  _ party, and told me that  _ my  _ boyfriend had cheated on me. What? Did he want a handshake? An appreciative blowjob? 

“Ronnie, relax. It was a joke.” I cringed at the nickname. It was something Mom had called me my whole life. I liked that nickname about as much as I liked her. Which wasn’t saying much. 

“Well,” I scoffed, “I think we’ve shared a fair amount of laughs for the night. Leave.” 

His expression sobered a bit before stepping closer to me. My breath hitched, and I cursed my body for betraying whatever sanity I had left after tonight. 

“You going to be okay?” His voice was softer and serious. 

“I'm unrileable. Easygoing Veronica Mars. That's what the kids at school call me,” I deadpanned back. He gave me a loud, short laugh. 

“God, you’re a pest!” 

Okay. I was officially done with this guy. I could see why Lilly was constantly breaking up with him. 

If I was being honest I understood why she kept going back, but I didn’t let myself dwell on that fact for too long. 

He caught on to my irritation, and toned down his obnoxious behavior long enough to give me a small, crooked smile. “Let me take you out for your birthday tomorrow. We’ll have lunch wherever you’d like.” 

“Yeah, I checked my calendar, and I realized I have something going on tomorrow and every day after that.” I watched his eyebrows raise. Oh yes, he’d met his match. “Sorry,” I offered with an indifferent shrug. Making sure my sarcasm couldn’t be missed. 

But just like the jackass I was starting to realize Logan was, he didn’t let that phase him. “Hmm, well Lilly already made reservations for Mama Leone’s… It’s at one and has your name on it.”

My mouth dropped open and I sputtered, “What… how… she…” 

“She can’t make it. Apparently her new guy is whisking her off to Catalina for the weekend. She asked if I could step in,” he explained. 

Lilly. That bitch. That wonderful, plotting bitch. I hated her almost as much as I adored her which  _ was  _ saying a lot.

Before I could protest, he pressed a finger to my lips and smiled. “See you at 12:30.” 

And just like that, the infuriatingly handsome Logan Echolls made his leave. Quietly shutting my front door behind him without a second glance my way. 

I stared at the door for a moment longer, wondering what the hell had just happened, but feeling a wave of happiness come over me for the first time that night. 

I had taken a shower, brushed my teeth, and slipped into a nightshirt when my phone’s tinkling sounded through my quiet room. I knew from the specific ringtone that it was my cheating boyfriend. My boyfriend who didn’t show tonight. I contemplated not answering, but wanted to get the breakup over with as soon as possible. 

“Veronica!” his worried voice blasted into my ear before I had the chance to even say hello. “God, Veronica. I’m so so sorry. Babe, I can’t believe I forgot your party.” 

Did he forget the part where I was his girlfriend too? 

“Duncan—” 

“No,” he cut me off, “I’m going to make it up to you! Darn it! It was supposed to be such a special night!” 

“Duncan,” I tried again. I wanted to put him out of his supposed misery. “I know.” 

“You know what, babe?” 

“I  _ know _ .”  

If the silence wasn’t any indicator that he knew what I was talking about, his response would have hammered the nail in the coffin. “You know… Oh  _ god _ .” His voice sounded muffled. Like he was covering his face with his hand. 

“Duncan… I think we both know whatever it was we had is over.” 

More silence followed before he said in an almost whisper, “I’m sorry I didn’t make it.” 

“I’m sorry too.” 

When he hung up, I was too shocked that he hadn’t tried to deny what I knew. He didn’t try to fight for us. What kind of man had planned a proposal only to forget about it? What kind of man was caught cheating, and didn’t even try to deny it? Duncan was always on the low end of the scale when it came to passion, but shit. I thought he’d at least fight for us a little. 

My eyes landed on a more recent photograph of us. We were smiling, but the smiles didn’t seem to reach either of our eyes. 

And that was the moment I knew. 

I wasn’t cut out for a Yellow Cotton life. With Duncan, I led a perfectly normal and happy life. But I didn’t “happy” and “normal.” 

I wanted passion.

I wanted Red Satin.

* * *

**Present: Veronica**

 

 

The buzz of the city was like a shot of adrenaline each morning. Every day promised a new adventure. Ever since the night of “Doomsday,” as Lilly liked to put it, I had promised myself to turn in my pink pastel life for one with more vibrant colors. 

I switched majors from Psychology to Photography. I had only originally chosen to be a psych major because Duncan had told me it was a reasonable thing to do. I could easily find a job in the psych world, he would tell me. But photography? He and his mother scoffed at the idea of a future Kane being a photographer. 

_“Beside,”_ he would tell me, “ _the odds aren’t exactly in your favor._ _Most people don’t make it well in the arts.”_

He always said the word “art” like it was a bad word. Which was ironic because Duncan never cursed. Ever. That was another way I flipped him the bird. His well mannered Veronica Mars turned in her keys and finally spoke the way she wanted. 

Lilly had been thrilled at the sudden use of “fuck” and “shit.” Dad? Not so much, but he never told me to stop. 

Through the years I had even tried other things that Duncan had always held me back from: coffee, clubs, fashion.

_ Passionate, romantic flings… _

I didn’t ever let myself think about the one time I had actually been stupid enough to try to have a fun and carefree love affair with a stranger. Most of the time I pretended like it had never even happened. 

But  _ god _ , it had. 

I continued my way to the little art gallery I worked at in the Lower East Side of New York City. I sipped the coffee that was keeping my cold hands warm. Winter had apparently come early this year, making my commute less desirable. But I loved my job. Eli, my boss, even showcased my photography from time to time. That in and of itself would have kept me trudging through the streets of the city. 

The metallic sound of the small Christmas bells clanked against the glass doors of  _ The Singing Room Gallery _ as I entered. 

“Veronica Mars, just the girl I was looking for,” Eli gushed in his wonderful New Yorker accent. He pulled me to his side and turned my attention to the iPad he held in his hand. We used it to track our sales and shipments. “We have a buyer who says he received the wrong piece yesterday. I need you to run by and double check that for me, yeah?” 

Normally I would hesitate if someone asked me to show up at a random person’s doorstep in a city like New York, but knowing how expensive our pieces were, I reckoned that I had a lower chance at being murdered. 

Beside I had Mr. Sparky, my handy dandy taser, to keep me company. Dad had insisted I bring it with me to the city. Being the sheriff of our seedy little beach town had done quite the damage to his trust in the human race. He loved me more than anything in this world, so I didn’t mind his occasional over-protectiveness. 

“Okay,” I agreed, typing the address into my phone. I looked outside and dreaded that I was going to have to head back outside in the cold. 

The man, L. Lester, was residing in a penthouse in Tribeca. 

One time I had looked up how much it cost to live there, and had regretted it. I could sell my soul to Satan himself and still wouldn’t be able to afford a room the size of a closet there. 

Eli followed my gaze outside and smiled. “I’ll call an Uber. No need to blister your feet over some douche who didn’t buy what he wanted.”

Around thirty minutes later, I was being let into the huge glass building by a doorman. The concierge called up to Mr. Lester, and I was eventually ushered into the most extravagant elevator I had ever seen. 

“Hello, Beautiful. Floor?” I turned to see an old man sitting on a small bench, waiting to press the correct button. 

“Forty-two,” I told him. He gave me a smile, pressed the button and folded his arms across his chest as the doors slid shut. 

“Who are you visiting on Forty-Two?” he asked me. There was an odd tone to his question I could quite decipher. 

“Mr. Lester.” 

He clucked his tongue. “Ahh. I’m glad he’s finally found himself a pretty girl.” 

The heat rose on my neck, and I quickly shook my head. “Oh! I… No… I... It’s not like that, actually. I work for a gallery and he needed me to look at an art piece he purchased.” 

If that didn’t sound like a load of bullshit, I didn’t know what did. My flushed cheeks and stammering didn’t help my case. 

The man gave me a once over and shrugged. “Too bad. Poor guy needs to find himself a nice girl. I’m sick of the girls he normally brings home.” 

Oh. My. God. 

Poor Mr. Lester was having his dirty secrets exposed to me without him even knowing. I didn’t reply because I didn’t want to know anything else about this man. 

The elevator ride took way too long. It was full of awkward glances from the old man, Bob I had learned was his name. 

“See you in a few, Miss.” Bob tipped his hat toward me as I stepped out. Being polite I smiled, but as soon as the doors shut, I stared up into the sky begging God to know why exactly he always put me in such weird positions. 

I found that Mr. Lester was only one of two who lived on this floor, each front door facing each other. I had seen the width of this building. I mentally divided the width in half and wanted to gasp at the size this penthouse must have been. 

I rang the doorbell and waited patiently. I heard footsteps before the door was swung open. 

Mr. Lester wasn’t what I expected at all. In fact he looked a whole lot like…

“Logan?” I choked. 

His wide eyes indicated he hadn’t exactly expected to see me standing at his front door either. 

“Veronica? What are you doing here?” His voice wasn’t cold, but it was exactly friendly either. 

“I…” Staring at him I tried to form a coherent thought. “I’m here with  _ The Singing Room Gallery. _ ”

My heart raced erratically as my mind tried its best to comprehend how exactly I landed on  _ his  _ doorstep.

Him. Logan. My first real heartbreak. The only man I had ever truly loved.

My Red Satin Romance. 


	2. Treacherous

**Present: Logan**

 

It couldn’t be her. How was she here? I knew that I had bad karma or juju or whatever it was people believed in these days, but seeing her here was the last thing I ever expected.

“Can I come in?” she asked. I must have taken too long to respond because she went to clarify, “Because of the art piece?”

“Right. It’s just the last time a blonde came knocking at my door, she was offering more than her art expertise.”

Sexual innuendo… It was smoothe…

Veronica blinked a couple of times before raising her eyebrows, and I knew I was in trouble.

“I can go, but you’re paying for my Uber ride,” she told me pointedly.

I was glad to see she was still her snappy self. A lot had changed in these past years, but at least I could still count of Veronica Mars to kick ass and take names.

“No, come in.” I held the door open for her and she stepped in. I took notice how she made sure to keep from brushing against me— something about that bothered me, but I ignored the weird ache in my gut.

“So,” she breathed, “There was something wrong with what you ordered?”

“Right to the point.”

She narrowed her eyes and her lips were drawn into a thin line. She was either irritated or pretending to be. The short amount of time I had spent with her had proven that she was rarely open with people, and often kept how she really felt on lockdown. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was doing that now.

“Right. Art. It’s this way.”

I led her to the the living room area where the art piece was located. I had ordered a black and white photograph taken on Newport Beach in California. It had reminded me of the time I had spent in California. The picture itself was of a female in the middle of turning toward the ocean— ankles deep in the water and hair whipping around her, hiding her face.

What I received? A color photo of the New York City skyline at dusk. It was a pretty photo, but not what I was looking for. Definitely not what I had paid for.

When I pointed to the large piece, Veronica stared at it for a few seconds before turning her attention to me.

“So what’s wrong with it?” she asked. Her voice was guarded and her arms crossed against her chest defensively.

“Nothing is wrong with it. It’s just not what I ordered,” I explained. I felt like this was the millionth time I explained this to someone. The art gallery had sent me through a telephone chase where I relayed my story to each person I came in contact with. Finally I was given to, who I could only assume was, the owner. He had sounded annoyed when I told him they had made a mistake, but he assured me he would send someone over to check everything out. Little had I known the person he was sending was Veronica Mars.

Veronica pulled out an ipad from her messenger bag before stating, “It says right here that you ordered piece number 1045 and this,” she pointed toward the photograph, “is 1045.”

“I ordered the Newport Beach piece. Black and white photograph…”

“I know which one you’re talking about… You really ordered that one?”

It seemed a little strange that she sounded in awe that I would have wanted that piece, but I just shrugged and smiled.

“Well, you paid more for this piece than you would have for the beach photograph, but I happen to know that we still have what you want in the gallery… We’ll have to figure out the cost difference, but I will head back to the gallery and talk to Eli, the gallery owner. I’m sure he will get this all sorted out, and someone will be by to remove this piece and replace it with what you want.”

I felt bad that I was going to make her and her gallery go through so much work to fix what was probably my personal error so I shook my head. “It’s okay. I’ll keep this piece, but I still want to order the beach photograph.”

I watched as she took in a deep breath. She looked toward the ceiling and back down at me.

“Why send someone over here if you were just going to buy the other piece too?” she asked me. If she wasn’t irritated before, she was now.

“I wasn’t going to be this nice,” I answered honestly. I shot her my smile that I knew used to work on her. Clearly times had changed because she blinked a couple of times.

“Why the change of heart?” She didn’t sound like she actually wanted to know the answer.

“You.”

“Lucky me,” was her retort.

God, I thought we had ended things amicably all those years ago. Apparently I had been wrong. She seemed to like me as much as I liked my dad. Which wasn’t a lot… or at all for that matter.

“Let me give you a ride back to the gallery, I can fix my own mess,” I offered hoping to ease the tension that was rolling off of her.

Her walls she had rebuilt around her reminded me of the girl I had met ten years ago. The only difference was this time it wasn’t my douchebag best friend who had caused the pain hidden in her beautiful blue eyes. It was me. I hated that, while I wanted to go to her and embrace her, kiss her, make love to her, she looked at me as though she wished I had never been born.

But we had agreed together what our rules would be. We had decided together to make our little fling just that— a fling. She couldn’t possibly be angry with me for holding my end of the bargain, could she?

“I guess it’ll beat taking an Uber… I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been propositioned for more than just a car ride.” Her small smile was enough to give me hope that maybe she just needed time to warm back up to me.

“I can’t promise that I’ll be any better,” I flirted back. My effort at easing the tension worked and she gave me a small laugh. She threw her head back and shook her head.

Rolling her eyes she threatened, “I know where you live now, Echolls. You better be on your best behavior.”

I threw my hands up on mock defense.

“Okay, hot shot. Let’s get out of here,” she laughed.

That laugh. I could spend the rest of my life listening to her laugh. But I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t let myself dwell on that idea any longer because it hurt too much when I denied myself a future with the wonderful woman standing in front of me.

I had already done that once before.

* * *

 

**Ten Years Earlier: Logan**

 

I was nervous, and I never got nervous. At least not when it came to girls. Especially not with girls who were heartbroken and on the rebound. They were the easy ones to get into bed, all vulnerable and shit. But she was different.

_Veronica Mars._

The girl I had heard about for the past five years from Duncan Kane, my best friend. My best friend’s girl… except she wasn’t. Not now at least. He’d gone and screwed that up for himself by cheating on her with his baby momma. Honestly, it sounded trashy when you put it that way. His mother would have a cow if she knew her son had caused such drama. Celeste and Jake Kane were the richest people on the West Coast and their son was heir to their business and money. The Prince of Cali. And apparently asshole extraordinaire. He clearly didn’t get the memo that the role for asshole had been already taken by his best friend who resided in New York.

I wasn’t being hard on myself either. I also wasn’t be self-deprecating. I _was_ an ass. I knew it, and didn’t care— not really.  My dad was the king of jerkoffs and I had learned from the best at a young age. I watched as he cheated his way to the top… of business _and_ women. He hurt mom emotionally while he hurt me physically. Golden boy of the silver screen, abusive husband and father: Aaron Echolls

While good ol’ dad had set me up for failure in the relationship department, I didn’t like when men treated women like trash. Okay, so I didn’t always treat them like princesses, but at least they knew that going into whatever it was we did. Usually they were one night hook ups that ended in me calling them a cab. But they always agreed. I was all about women being able to take a hold of their sexuality and use it in any way they wanted. If I could have meaningless sex, why couldn’t they?

But the moment my eyes landed on that sad-eyed, beautiful woman, something stopped me from approaching her like I would have normally done. When I found out she was Veronica Mars, I was glad I hadn’t. Poor girl had enough to deal with because of her cheating boyfriend, she didn’t need some idiot hitting on her too.

Except I might have flirted. A little.

She was too fun not to mess with. I knew it made me kind of a jerk, pulling on her strings the way I had. She had just found out the love of her life had cheated on her, but I couldn’t stop myself. She was feisty, and feisty women were my Kryptonite.

Then I had forced her into a date. I wasn’t lying when I told her Lilly had asked if I would take over the reservation. What I hadn’t told her was that I was supposed to take myself and a random date, _not_ Veronica.

As I made my way to my car, I quickly dialed Lilly Kane’s number and was sent to voicemail. I needed to tell her that her best friend had a date with me. I couldn’t have Veronica telling Lilly about our date because I knew Lilly would shut that idea down immediately. Though one of my closest allies, even being my ex, Lilly Kane was a protective mama bear when it came to those she loved. There was no way in hell that she’d let her newly single best friend on a date with a man who couldn’t ever keep a girlfriend after my “Lilly Kane phase.”

It wasn’t like I really blamed Lilly for being a manwhore. It was a lot of things that led me to where I was. First and foremost was the destructive marriage my parents had. If I had learned anything from living with them, it was that marriage wasn’t as cracked up as it seemed to be. But fifteen year old Logan had fallen for his best friend’s sister. We were like gasoline and fire— destructive and all consuming. I had convinced myself she was my happy ending and my one true love. She, on the other hand, thought I was a fun toy to play with when she got bored.

After our last and final breakup my senior year of highschool, I realized I should have stuck with what I knew: relationships were temporary and always ended in one person, if not both people, getting hurt. Who had time for that? Not me.

Instead, I worked on getting my grades up and graduating. Duncan and I had always talked about going into business together— some sort of holdings company. We would invest in Kane Software, his father’s software company, as well as Echoll’s Estates, my father’s property company (He had decided that investing his money in property would keep our money safe. It was probably one of his better ideas). We both had trust funds that would be available to us when we turned twenty-one, allowing us to have money to start our business on our own. Both trust funds were rather hefty sums… well over a million each.

So I graduated, began business school at Harvard, and was currently working on my degree and my freedom from my father. I didn’t need a distraction. Work would be my love and my life, and a woman would only get in the way of that.

But she was different.

Veronica had a magnetic pull about her. It was like I couldn’t keep myself from trying to get to know her personally. From the years she dated Duncan, I knew that she was blonde, small, had a dog, liked watching crime shows, and had an over-protective dad who was a sheriff. That was it. Duncan was always pretty quiet when it came to his love life. By the way he described her, I hadn’t ever had any want to meet her. She sounded boring and perfect for Duncan who, until today, was a drama-free, straight and narrow, by the rulebook kind of guy. The exact opposite of someone like me. Perhaps that’s what made our friendship work. I was the care-free, loveable jackass while he was the dude who made sure my shit was kept together.

I was the risk taker.

He was the homemaker.

Until today.

* * *

 

**Present Day: Veronica**

 

I was in Logan’s car.

 _Logan’s_ car.

It was an atrocious, black Mercedes with his very own driver. Figures he would have his own driver… Ben is what Logan called him. What else could I expect from the man who lived in a building that had its very own elevator man? The elevator man who, by the way, had given me a very sly smile as we descended toward the garage level of the building.

 _You don’t know shit, Bob_ , I told him silently. I shot him a glare to send my message his way, but he just winked before turning his attention back toward the elevator doors.

When we finally made it back to _The Singing Room Gallery,_ I made sure to rush in before Logan could enter. I beelined straight for Eli’s office where I forwent my usual courtesy knock, and instead burst through the door like I owned the place. If Eli were any other boss, he would have been pissed, but because he was the nicest man I knew in New York City, he just looked at me in surprise.

“Veronica…?”

“Sorry,” I started out of breath, “Logan… er… Mr. Lester is here.”

“Here, as in at the gallery?”

I nodded.

“Well,” he stood and straightened his slacks with the palms of his hands, “I guess I’ll handle this. I take it the meeting didn’t go well. Is he angry?”

“No, nothing like that. He wants to keep the skyline piece, but he wants to buy _my_ piece too!”

Eli stood, looking flabbergasted for a second before recovering. “Your black and white beach piece?!”

“Yes!”

He clapped his hands together in victory. “Wow! That… wow, Veronica!”

I knew he would be excited for me. He knew my heart and soul belonged to that photograph. It had been on sale for the past year, but was usually overlooked due to the more notable artists we sold at our gallery.

“Did he know it was your piece?”

“No! Please don’t tell him. That would be… awkward.”

What would be even more awkward was if I had to explain that statement to my boss. I didn’t exactly feel like hashing out my heartbreaking story to Eli, even if he would be the kind of person to take you out for drinks afterward.

Eli, being the awesome person he was, didn’t ask questions, but instead nodded and said, “Well, I won’t tell if you don’t.”

Oh, I wasn’t planning on telling… ever.

“Thanks.”

I felt childish, not telling Logan that what he was buying was actually taken by me back when I was still living in California, but I couldn’t bring myself to telling him. Would he even want it after he found out? I had to admit it would be a little weird to have art by your ex (girlfriend, fling, fuck buddy?) hanging in your home.

We both exited Eli’s office to find Logan, hands in his designer jean pockets, waiting for us by the entrance.

“Mr. Lester,” Eli extended his hand to Logan, who removed his hands from his pocket and took Eli’s hand in his own. “I hear you want to buy another piece here? The Newport Beach black and white print?”

“The one I ordered originally? Yeah, that’s the one.” Logan’s eyes quickly fell on me. They twinkled mischievously and were almost immediately returned to Eli. “But I have to tell you, if you give me another New York skyline, I won’t have any more wall space, so I would prefer to actually get the beach print this time around.”

He was joking, and his smile was evident of that, but I watched as Eli’s face turned a shade darker as he began to get angry with Logan’s demeanor.

“If you’re implying I intentionally sent you the wrong piece, you’re mistaken Mr. Lester.”

Logan began to backpedal, realizing he had just offended my boss, “Call me Logan, sir. And I was completely joking. The mistake was my fault. I entered the wrong number. I am pleased with the print I received, which is why I want both.”

Eli appeared to ease up a bit after that, but remained stoic and all business. “Well then, let me get the paperwork for you. The beach print is lovely, and I completely understand why you are so eager to add it to your art collection.” Eli then turned to me, “Veronica, stay with Mr. Lester as I go and get that?”

I nodded and watched as my boss hurried off.

“I really didn’t mean to offend him,” Logan whispered. I was acutely aware that his lips were only centimeters away from my ear. The way his breath fell on my skin caused goosebumps to dance across my skin. I hated that he could still cause such a physical reaction from me.

I turned to find us face to face. My eyebrow quirked up, challenging him. “What did you think you’d do by implying he’d given you the wrong piece on purpose?”

A corner of Logan’s mouth curved up. “He seemed like the kind of guy who likes a good joke.”

“He usually is. But this gallery is his baby. You would have been better off making a joke about his mother dying.”

Logan scoffed, “Well that’s fucking morbid.”

We both laughed. It felt nice, being with him like this again. We had always had a good time together and I had considered him to be a good friend during our short stint together.

Logan sighed and rubbed his hands through his hair— his tell that he was nervous.

“Do you know who the photographer is?”

My heart skipped a beat, but I kept my face neutral.

“For the skyline piece?” I asked, playing stupid.

“The beach piece… it was anonymous.”

I shrugged, “I’m not entirely sure. I’m just in charge of sales. I don’t work with the artists or photographers.”

It was lie, but he didn’t need to know that.

Logan looked slightly disappointed but nodded at my answer. I wanted to tell him the truth in that moment, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. But I was curious to know why he wanted the name of the photographer so I decided to ask, “Why?”

He gave a noncommittal shrug before answering, “I thought he was good, so I was wanting to look at his other pieces.”

Logan thought _he_ was good? I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or be angry at the fact that Logan had assumed the photographer was a man.

“What makes you think it was a man who took the picture?” I inquired, a small smirk played on my lips.

“I don’t know for sure, but the female in the photo… I just felt like she was loved by the photographer, you know? The way that she seems so carefree and happy… and beautiful.”

It was a good reason, I had to give him that much. The female _was_ loved, but not by me. The day the photo was taken, I had been watching the blonde and her fiancé. They were playful and without a doubt they were in love. I admired the rawness of their affection for one another. I snapped the photo when the blonde had run into the ocean while her lover ran after her. She was just about to turn to face him, when I snapped the photo.

“She _was_ loved,” I confirmed quietly.

“So you _do_ know the photographer?” He gave narrowed his eyes and offered his sweet smile.

Shaking my head I replied, “No I don’t know who took it, but I’ve seen the photo and I agree. She was definitely loved.” I paused before continuing, “Maybe you’re right. It could have been a man.”

Logan watched me as I spoke. It was as if he thought I would evaporate before his eyes, like this would be the last time he would ever see me so he needed to memorize every detail of my face. It made me feel insecure at first, but then I couldn’t help but feel unabashed desire for this man standing in front of me. This was Logan Echolls. The man I had fallen so effortlessly in love with— even though it was against everything I had intended to do. This was the man that taught me how to live. It was the man that walked away without a single glance back.

I brought my eyes to his, to see them so intense that I could have melted right there in the middle of the gallery. And it was then that Eli interrupted our silent staring match by thrusting the iPad into my hands and papers into Logan’s.

“Okay, this shouldn’t take much time. We will double and triple check that this is the right piece. We have it here for you to see in person if you’d like.”

Logan told Eli he would like that very much, and before I had a chance to join them, Eli whisked Logan away toward the photography section of our gallery.

When I was alone, I was finally able to take a full breath for the first time in the past hour. I wanted to hate Logan. Hell, for years I thought I did.

I headed into my office and closed the door behind me. I needed some time alone to process everything that had just happened. It took me months to get over Logan Echolls after he had walked away from me, from us. For ten years, I compared every man I dated to him, and they never seemed to measure up to him. He wasn’t my first love, but he was most certainly the last man I had ever came close to loving.

I dated a few people here and there in the past years. One person, Stosh Piznarski, had been the most serious. But he was a vanilla kind of man. Not as bad as Duncan had been, but certainly not close to Logan. He didn’t make me feel alive. He made me feel safe. At the time that was what I needed… to feel safe. It allowed me to move on from my “epic” love, or so I thought until today.

Ten damn years.

I couldn’t possibly still feel anything toward Logan after all these years, could I?

No. It was because I never had closure. That was the only reason I was currently hiding in my office. Soul mates didn’t exist like my girl coworkers always gushed about. Sometimes people found their way to each other and it worked. Other times, you were left broken on the sidewalk as you watched the man you loved disappear.

He wasn’t my soulmate.

He wasn’t my anything, but a life lesson and a broken heart.

* * *

 

**Ten Years Earlier: Veronica**

 

I hadn’t been on a first date in over five years. Even then, I had been a child— fifteen years old. Now I was a grown woman and had no idea what the hell to wear on a first date.

Except this _wasn’t_ a first date.

I had just broken up with my boyfriend of five years. Logan was my ex’s best friend and my best friend’s ex. This wasn’t stuff romance was made of, and I knew that. Besides, I remembered Lilly telling me that Logan was only in town for a short time over the summer before heading back to school on the East Coast.

I pulled on a pair of dark-wash blue jeans and a black V-neck tee. My hair was long and stick straight, so I added some curls to give my locks some life. As for makeup, I was never someone who overdid it. I applied mascara and lipgloss. I didn’t need to impress Logan Echolls.

At exactly 12:30, I heard a knock at my front door. Logan may have been a jackass, but he was a jackass who arrived on the dot.

When I swung the door open, my heart gave a small, traitorous jump. He was standing there with a forest green henley. His hands were stuffed into his jeans. A small, playful smile played on his lips.

 _Whoa, girl. Settle down,_ I tried telling myself.

“You’re punctual,” I commented as I stepped out and locked the door behind me.

“That’s actually my middle name. Logan Punctual Echolls. Didn’t you read that in _People_?” he joked back. I forced myself to keep from smiling. I didn’t want him to know I was excited about this date… or whatever it was… with him.

“I don’t read rumor magazines. You must have forgotten I had Lilly Kane as a best friend. She had all the best gossip. In fact, I heard from Lilly that you have an affinity for stepmoms.”

He cursed under his breath and muttered something about Lilly being a bitch. He knew I was referring to the time when he slept with Dick Casablancas’ stepmom. Dick was one of the douchebags that hung around our friend group in high school. Apparently one summer, Logan visited Duncan and wound up in bed with Kendall Casablancas. Lilly had been beyond pissed, but I had tried to remind her that they were broken up at the time, and that she had done similar things to another one of our friend’s single dad. Of course, I personally had found it disgusting, but I wasn’t going to get into morality issues with my best friend. Lilly’s moral compass had always been a bit skewed.

“That was one time,” he told me, as if that made it better.

“One time too many.”

Our walk to the car was quiet, and I felt bad for giving him shit about Kendall. It had happened three years ago. For all I knew he could be a perfect gentleman now. When we reached his rental car, I stopped him from opening my door.

“Hey, I was kidding. I don’t want you to think I hold that against you. Kendall Casablancas _does_ have a nice ass.” My joke fell flat, but I was rewarded with an eyeroll from  Logan.

“It was a mistake.” He sounded genuine, and I believed that he really did feel that way. He pulled my door open and once I was secure in the passenger seat of the car, he slammed it shut before running around the car to get in.

The car ride to Mama Leone’s was equally as painfully silent, and just when I thought I had ruined this lunch date, Logan began to laugh. Not just a small chuckle, but full and throaty. I felt it to my bones and wanted to record it to memory. It was full of life and unlike anything I had heard, but unfortunately I couldn’t get past the shock of his outburst and couldn’t appreciate it as much as I would have liked.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I asked.

“God, we’re both messes aren’t we?” was his reply.

“Excuse me?”

“You and I. We’re messes. Here I am, unable to commit to anyone since dating your best friend, and here you are newly single after five years because my best friend cheated on you. The Kanes really screwed us, haven’t they?”

I took a moment to really let his words sink in.

_He’s not wrong…_

“Maybe we should make a support group… we could have a weekly meeting.” The words left my mouth, and as they did I let myself smile for the first time. With that Logan laughed again.

“Hi, I’m Logan and I have been personally victimized by Lilly Kane.”

“I think you’re mixing AA with a ‘Mean Girl’s’ quote,” I informed him with a small laugh.

He gave a quick glance my way, and I couldn’t help but admire his mouth. Lilly had always gushed about what a good kisser he was, and in that moment I could feel myself getting jealous over the fact that I would never find out exactly what kind of kisser Logan Echolls was.

 _Veronica Mars, what is wrong with you?_ I berated myself. _This is Lilly’s ex. Duncan_ just _broke up with you! You can’t be thinking about kissing another man…. Not just another man— Duncan’s_ best friend _… less than twenty four hours later after your breakup…_

I was thankful when we finally got to the restaurant. Any longer in that car, and I might have lost my mind. I couldn’t deny the sexual attraction I felt for Logan. It was unlike anything I had experienced before, even with Duncan. Duncan and I had been kids when we found our way to each other. We grew up together, and I always assumed that sexual chemistry was what we had, but sitting in the car with Logan for fifteen minutes had proven to be more chemistry than I felt with Duncan in five years.

It felt freeing.

It felt reckless.

It felt like Red Satin.

* * *

 

**Ten Years Earlier: Logan**

 

We had ordered our food, and were currently munching on the complimentary sourdough rolls. As engaging as our conversation about Neptune, California was, I was mesmerized by Veronica’s eyes… and lips… the sound of her laugh… the way rolled her eyes at anything sarcastic I said. More than anything I couldn’t help but notice that she was letting her guard down. And each time she stared at my lips… God, I thought I would lose my shit. She was making it incredibly hard to keep up this gentleman persona I was trying to convey.

I had arrived at Veronica’s apartment, promising myself I would behave… well rather, promising Lilly I would behave. She had threatened me with losing my balls if I even thought about touching her best friend in a sexual way. I had already failed on that end, but I wouldn’t allow myself to go any further than a couple dirty thoughts.

At least I would try my hardest.

But if she looked at me like she wanted to eat me one more time, all bets were off. I was trying to be a good man, but I wasn’t a saint.

“Anyway,” Veronica was saying, “it’s safe to say that my dad answering the door in full uniform scared Duncan shitless. I don’t think he came over for at least a few months after that.”

Nothing like a woman talking about her ex boyfriend and her sheriff dad to kill the mood. It brought me back to the reality where I was reminded that she thought she was on this lunch date because she Lilly wanted her here with me. I was also reminded that I wasn’t entirely sure that she even liked me let alone was attracted to me. The mixed signals she was giving off were throwing me for a loop.

I cleared my throat and was about to make a retort about how I would’ve loved to see what a pussy Duncan was, but our waiter cut us off and placed our plates in front of us.

She stuffed her pretty mouth with a bite of her lasagna and the moan that followed made my dick leap to life. I watched as she swallowed and closed her eyes.

“Oh. My. Gooood.” The last word came out like another moan.

‘Oh my god’ was right.

“That good, huh?”

She gave me a bashful look before answering, “I’ve been to Mama Leone’s more times than I can count, and I’m pretty sure I react the same way each time.”

 _Hell_ , I thought, _if she acts this way every time, I’ll take her every damn day I’m in town_.

She must have sensed where my mind was at because a blush crept up her neck and she bit her lip nervously. Little did she know that her lip bite was turning me on more than I wanted to admit.

“You shouldn’t do that,” I warned her.

She looked at me with surprise.

“Do what?”

“Bite your lip.”

The pause that followed was surprising, but the way Veronica intentionally pulled her lower lip between her teeth was. She was taunting me.

“Like this?” she flirted, batting her eyelashes. My shock had to have been evident on my face because she laughed, bit her lip one last time, and took another bite of her food.

I placed my elbows on the table and leaned forward and with a whisper I told her, “I haven’t had sex in almost eight months. Don’t tempt me, Mars.”

It was her turn to be shocked. Her eyes widened and a small gasp escaped.

“Why, Mr. Echolls,” she said in a southern drawl, “Are you propositioning me?”

And just like that I was going all in. Her stupid accent, her beautiful smile… it was all I needed to pick up the courage to ask what I wanted.

“What if I am?” I asked her seriously.

Her shift of demeanor was evident, almost like she was trying to decide how she would approach the conversation we were having. I watched her squirm, and was relieved when she took a deep breath and finally answered me with a, “Well… are you?”

She couldn’t possibly be considering what I was suggesting. She was a good girl. I knew this from Duncan and Lilly. She wasn’t the kind of girl I usually slept with. She was a long-run kind of girl while I was a get-it-over-quickly-but-not-too-quickly kind of guy.

“What would you say if I did?”

“I can’t answer that unless you ask me.”

I hadn’t expected her to be my equal at my own game. She had the upperhand, and I didn’t like it.

“Veronica…” My voice was husky with desire, and I knew it gave me away. I didn’t like being vulnerable, but with her I wasn’t hating it. “What if I were to say that I find you to be one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen?”

She leaned forward on her elbows, mimicking me, whispering, “Then I would say that I’m not like your usual conquests and I can smell your bullshit from a mile away.” The playful smile she gave me made my heart do a weird twist.

“Okay, so you want me to be straightforward with you?” She gave an encouraging nod, biting her lip. My dick hardened without my consent. She was making it difficult to think. What she didn’t know was that it wasn’t just a line. I actually found her to be gorgeous and sexy and nothing like I was used to… it was why I was so drawn to her. “Okay, no bullshit. I want to have sex with you, Mars. And I think we both know you find me attractive… I’ve watched you stare at my lips like they were your last meal for the past forty-five minutes.”

“I have not—”

I raised my hand and cut her off. “Don’t deny it,” I smirked. “We both know we aren’t looking for anything serious. You just broke up with DK and I have to go back to school at the end of summer… It’ll just be fun. I think you deserve some fun after what you’ve been through.”

I laid it all on the table. I didn’t know if she would accept my offer. In fact, I knew she wouldn’t, but I would regret never asking.

It was the, “Okay. Just fun… I can do that,” that caught me off guard.

I gaped at the blonde across the table from me.

“Okay,” I confirmed. “Let’s do this.”

* * *

 

**Ten Years Earlier: Veronica**

 

It had been three days since I had lunch with Logan and made the most reckless decision in my twenty years of living. I wasn’t exactly sure what Lilly Kane demon had possessed me to make me agree to mindless sex with Logan. I was on a high from my quest for a Red Satin life, and I didn’t give myself enough time to actually think things through before I had agreed.

Who was I kidding? I couldn’t do this. I had been committed to one person for five years. He was my first for everything: date, kiss, sex… I wasn’t exactly sure if I would even be good at whatever Logan had proposed. The only thing I had going for me was I was incredibly good at compartmentalizing my emotions. I was fairly certain separating my feelings from sex wouldn’t be the hardest thing for me to do. Logan, as handsome as he was, was still kind of an ass. I didn’t think I was in danger in falling in love with the guy.

The more I sat around the apartment, the more I confused I became. On one hand, I really missed sex. Duncan and I hadn’t had sex in a very long time. I tried to remember the last time we ever did anything aside from kissing, and I honestly couldn’t place a date. It had to have been over half a year since I had an orgasm brought on by something other than my little friend I kept in the drawer beside my bed.

On the other hand this was bound to get complicated. We wouldn’t be able to tell anyone what we were doing. Duncan would freak out, even if he had been the reason we broke up. Lilly might not care as much as her brother, but it would still be awkward. Not only that, but I only knew Logan from what I had heard second hand. I really didn’t know the person I was about to do this “no strings attached” relationship with.

But I hadn’t actually heard from Logan since he dropped me back off at home, so maybe it wouldn’t even matter. Maybe he was second guessing this too. I had given him my cell phone number, and had checked said phone a few too many times to see if I had any missed calls or texts from him.

Even then, as I tried to focus my attention on my school applications in front of me, my gaze kept slipping to my phone sitting beside my laptop. This was stupid. I was being stupid. Veronica Mars was not the kind of girl to wait by the phone for a guy. I flipped the phone so it was screen down and turned my focus back on the computer screen in front of me.

I had gone to Hearst College freshman and sophomore year, but I needed to do something else— a restart. But every time I went to begin an application, something held me back. Whether it was Duncan’s voice in my head telling me that I needed to be sensible or it was my mother’s telling me I needed to find myself a husband that could take care of me, I couldn’t bring myself to begin the process of applying for a new school.

My entire life I had lived in a comfort zone. I had lived with my mom and dad up until this last year when I finally moved in with Lilly because it had been comfortable. Even moving in with Lilly had been an easy move. Since I had met Lilly, I just followed her lead. She was a year older and outgoing. I was quieter and in need of a good female role model. Sure, I hadn’t found the greatest _role model_ , but I had found an even better friend in her. It was easy to do what Lilly told me to do. I was good at following.

But I didn’t want to do that anymore. I wanted to be the badass girl I knew I could be. I wanted reckless decisions.

It was the buzzing of my phone that snapped me out of my thoughts and I hurried to reach for it. I answered without checking the caller I.D.

“Hello?” I answered after taking a split second to compose myself.

“Veronica, honey, it’s mom.”

Ugh. She wasn’t the person I wanted to hear from.

“Oh.. mom. Hi.”

“I heard about Duncan. Why didn’t you tell me? I could have taken you out for a post breakup girls’ day.”

And that, my friends, was exactly why I _hadn’t_ told her about the breakup.

“As much fun as that sounds, mom… I really just wanted some time alone. Who told you about the breakup anyway?”

There was a long pause and I already knew the answer.

“Celeste had the pleasure of telling me when I ran into her during the annual Balboa County auction.”

_Shit… I won’t live that down for years. Every Christmas mom will remind me of the time Celeste Kane knew something about her daughter before she did._

Mom and Celeste hated each other. I often wondered whether that was why Celeste hated me so much, but I would remind myself that there weren’t many people that Celeste _didn’t_ hate.

“Sorry, mom. I really didn’t think that you’d care… You never liked me with Duncan.”

“I loved Duncan,” she protested. I didn’t have time to get into this with my mother. I would have preferred swimming in a pool full of hot oil.

“Okay, well… is that all you needed? I have things I need to get done—”

“No, that wasn’t all. Dad and I want you to come home this Tuesday for dinner. We’re going Taco Tuesday completed with mood music.”

A pool of guilt filled my stomach as I thought about my childhood and the mood music dinners mom and I prepared. It had been our little tradition before her drinking got to be too much.

“Yeah, okay. Sounds like a plan. I’ll be there at four to help, okay?”

She agreed, we said our goodbyes, and I hung up. Staring at my phone I couldn’t help but feel the stinging of tears threatening to fall. I missed my mother— the woman before the alcohol. She was happy and loving and carefree. She had been the mom and wife I wanted to be when I grew up... until she wasn’t. The drinking got worse and dad’s work hours got longer. We went from a happy nuclear family to the family that barely spent ten minutes a day together.

Dad and I became closer as mom spent more time alone in her room “sleeping,” as dad so kindly put it. Their roles in my life switched and I was thankful for my dad and for how hard he worked to keep our dysfunctional family together.

Another buzz of my phone indicated I had a text. One I was sure was from my mom, but I checked anyway. But when I opened it, it was from an unknown number.

 

**Unknown: Hey**

**Me: hey who is this?**

**Unknown: Oh shit, sorry.**

**Unknown: It’s Logan**

**Me: got it! how are you?**

 

I was trying to sound casual and keep my heartrate at an acceptable level, but I wasn’t doing the best at either.

 

**Logan: I was wondering if you’d like to meet up tonight? I heard you like coffee… We could meet at that coffee place near you… Java the Hut?**

**Me: and how exactly do you know i like coffee?**

**Logan: I have my ways… ;)**

 

I had a feeling “his ways” had a name and it was Lilly Kane. I couldn’t help but feel a little happy that he had asked around about me.

 

**Me: what time should i meet you?**

**Logan: How about we meet at 7?**

**Me: it’s a date**

 

Checking my watch, I realized I only had an hour to get ready. Seeing how I hadn’t had sex in a million years, I was not ready for any activity in the nether region of my body. I ran to the bathroom so I could… clean myself up… and mentally made note of what to wear. I hadn’t done laundry yet, but thankfully I only wore my cotton underwear on most days. My fancy lingerie was reserved for days like today.

Okay… so not exactly “days like today” since I never really had days like today. But regardless I was happy that Lilly forced me to buy lacey bras and underwear.

I wasn’t actually sure if the night would end with sex, but a girl couldn’t be too prepared.

_Jesus Christ who is this girl and what has she done with Veronica Mars? I can’t have sex with Logan… can I?_

The internal war I was having was getting old. Just because it wasn’t something I was used to, didn’t mean it couldn’t happen. Because if it was something I wanted to do, why stop it from happening?

And boy did I want it.

Within an hour I had showered, pulled on the sexiest matching bra/undie set and had gotten dressed for the night. I didn’t want to come off too eager, so I had just pulled on jeans and a green blouse.

At 6:57 PM, I was pulling into the parking lot of Java the Hut.

Off the smooth and normal course I knew, and right onto the reckless path I so desperately wanted to try. It wasn’t safe. It wasn’t comfortable.

It was treacherous.

And I liked it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for such positive feedback! We're about to get to the good stuff! I'm hoping you'll stay for the ride! As always reviews are always welcome! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I'm hoping to post once a week, so the next chapter will hopefully be out next Sunday!
> 
> With that said, it is still unbeta'd so if there are any mistakes they are all my own... haha
> 
> Remember these chapters are all named after Taylor Swift songs off of her Red (Deluxe) album. So if you wanna check the songs out they (kind of) go with each chapter! 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YINgOpBnYBE
> 
> xoxo,  
> Britt


	3. State of Grace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***CHAPTER CONTENT WARNING: M for Sexual situations (the smut is heading your way!)***
> 
> The amazing feedback I have been getting from you guys has been overwhelming and so appreciated! Thank you all for your amazing words and encouragement! I wouldn't be able to do this without you guys! 
> 
> With that said here's a little A/N:   
> This whole AU has been a whirlwind experience for me. I have tried as hard as I can to keep true to the characters and the world of Veronica Mars. Obviously things will be different whenever you have a completely non-canonical AU, but I hope overall you have been pleased with what you've read! This Veronica is especially hard to write. Because on one hand I want her to get to a place where she's similar to our BA hero of the show, but without the trauma that our canon VM went through, it's hard to get her to that exact place. So she's a little mixture in my world of both our yellow cotton Veronica and the Veronica who wants to find Red Satin. She'll probably never quite get to our hardened Veronica because I won't have any rape storyline or bullying. But hopefully, she'll still be a Veronica you love and can appreciate! 
> 
> Also... This was my first smut scene that was written entirely by myself without any help... So... Wish me luck. Hahaha

**Ten Years Earlier: Veronica**

 

I found Logan sitting at a small, round table in a dimly lit corner of the coffee shop. I watched him for a few seconds, wanting to memorize how he looked in this exact moment. Something told me that I would want to remember this. Something about this moment felt…  _ important _ . Maybe it was because this was the first time I was going to be active in what our society called “Generation Hook-Up.” 

But I really didn’t think that was why. 

He was moving his coffee mug back and forth on the table, watching it as if it held all the world’s answers. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought he looked nervous. But there was no way this man— this confident, suave, gorgeous man— was nervous over a meeting he was having with small, unsure, terrified  _ me _ . He continued his contemplative stare and coffee mug dance, completely unaware he was being watched. Logan donned a fancy gray tee (I didn’t realize tee shirts could be fancy until that moment) and what looked like casual dress pants. It wasn’t fair that this man was always well put together. If I was being completely honest, it added to the reasons I felt insignificant next to him.  

After I stood, staring for what was beginning to be an inappropriate amount of time, I finally took a deep breath and headed to where he was waiting. 

“Hey,” I said quietly, breaking him from his trance. He blinked up at me and gave me his crooked smile. 

“You look nice,” was his reply. I absentmindedly looked down at my plain outfit. “You do,” he reiterated as if he could sense that I didn’t agree with his statement. 

“Thanks.” 

I sat across from him and an awkward silence spread over us. Neither of us knew how to begin whatever it was we were doing. I mean, what exactly did you say in a moment like this?

_ Hey, wanna order a cup of coffee before we head to your place to bone?  _

“Want me to order you something to drink before we go?” Logan broke the silence. 

My face heated and I kept myself from laughing at the irony of his words and my thoughts. 

“Uh…” It came out a cross between uncertainty and giggling. I breathed through my nose and composed myself. “Yeah, a vanilla latte, please.” 

Before he stood to get my coffee, he eyed me suspiciously, but I just smiled and pretended not to notice it scrutinous look. 

When he returned with the scalding beverage, he remained standing. I realized he had ordered the coffee to-go style for a reason. 

“So…” He paused and and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “Is Lilly at your place?” 

I shook my head no, but couldn’t find the words to answer his question. I suddenly felt incredibly silly for getting my hopes up and foolish for thinking that Logan would actually let us have a date before we began this thing. I began to wonder exactly what the boundaries of this fling would be. Would we always meet and screw around or would we occasionally go on dates? 

_ Go on dates _ . Who was I kidding? This wasn’t a flowers and chocolate romance. This was sexual attraction and fulfilling our physical needs. 

“She’s out for the next few days… Still in Catalina,” I informed him after clearing my throat. 

He nodded. “Good. I would say we could head to The Grand, where I’m staying for a few months, but the walls are thin. And I tend to bring out the…  _ screamer…  _ in a woman.” 

The way his eyes scanned my face with the clear intent of making me blush, had my eyes rolling. 

“Is that right?” 

“Ready to find out?” He licked his lips, and my full attention went to them. 

I was more than ready to find out, but I wasn’t going to tell  _ him  _ that. 

I stood, my initial disappointment over our non-date gone, and took my latte from his hands. 

“See you at home,” I told him before turning away and leaving him behind.

* * *

 

**Present: Veronica**

 

It was the knock on my office door that had me returning to the present. And in the present, I had work to be done. I didn’t have time to dwell over the past and over a man that had decided his work was more important than I was. 

Because I deserved more than that, dammit. 

“Veronica? Mr. Lester has seen the piece and would like to complete the paperwork. Am I able to send him in?” It was one of our interns at  _ The Singing Room Gallery.  _ Emma was her name… I think. 

“Send him in,” I called. I made my way behind my desk, sat, and turned my computer on to appear busy. 

I heard the door open and someone shuffling in, but I didn’t look in the direction of the noise. I opened the “Previous Purchasers” folder and found Logan’s file. Which reminded me that he had ordered under the name L. Lester. I knew that was his mother’s maiden name, and I wanted to ask about the choice of name, but felt like it was too personal of a question to ask. 

And were we going to venture into the territory of being connected on a personal level again? 

No. I wouldn’t…  _ couldn’t _ . 

“Mr. Lester,” I began with my most business-like voice I could muster. “Do you still have the paperwork Eli gave you?” It was then that I turned my attention to the other side of my desk where Logan sat patiently. 

“Yeah,” he lifted the papers and placed them on the desk in front of him before continuing, “I already filled out my end of the paperwork.” 

I retrieved the paperwork and began to look through it, more so to buy myself time before I had to look into his eyes again than it was to check the paperwork to make sure everything looked good. He was a smart man, and I was sure the paperwork was completely filled out accurately. 

“It’s even more beautiful in person.” 

I glanced over the papers to see him watching me with a serious look on his face that I couldn’t fully read. 

“You really can’t tell me who took it?” he asked.

“No… I’m sorry.” 

He looked like I had just kicked his puppy. My heart ached because I had never been able to stand seeing him look sad. This man had owned my heart for a brief time in my life, and even now, after all that had been said and done, I would do anything to make him smile. 

“I could look into it for you?” I offered. 

_ Hey, Veronica it’s Veronica here. Can I give Logan your name? No? Okay, nice talking with you.  _

I wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to get around this one, but I couldn’t have him sitting across from me with a frown planted on those perfect lips, and the way his face lit up with my offer made my stomach twist excitedly. 

“You’d do that?” 

“Sure.”

He swept his tongue across his bottom lip, and I found myself wishing I could do the same thing with my own tongue. 

_ Cool it, Mars.  _

Logan stood and my heart sunk a little knowing he would be leaving… again. 

“I’ll be looking forward to hearing from you,” he told me, a smirk playing on his lips. It didn’t take a genius to know that he was toying with me the way he had all those years ago— playing on the fact that he could read me like a book and always had been able to. 

He knew I wanted him, even if it was purely physical.

I knew a part of me, a tiny almost nonexistent part of me, wanted him for more than that.

The only thing that was uncertain was whether  _ he  _ still wanted  _ me _ .

* * *

 

**Present: Logan**

 

It took everything within me not to turn around and head back into Veronica’s office. I wanted to ask her to dinner. I wanted to throw everything off her desk and take her there, in front of God and everyone. I wanted to tell her I had made a mistake ten years ago. 

But I didn’t. 

I had sat as her attention was turned to my paperwork, and had taken the time to glance around her office and desk for any indication of what her life was like now. I had already noticed the fact that her ring finger was pleasantly absent of a wedding band. At least I had that going for me. Her desk had been rather lacking of any evidence that she was in a relationship… or that she had any life outside of the office for that matter. I couldn’t decide if that made me happy because it meant if I chose to act on my emotions I could still have a chance, or sad for her because she had never lived that exciting life she dreamed about. 

Or maybe she had, and she just really hated office decorations and wearing rings and was currently living with a husband and three kids in a huge house outside the city. Perhaps she  _ had  _ visited Italy like she said she wanted, seen a Broadway show, took a picture pretending to squish the Eiffel Tower in her fingers. Maybe she had done everything she whispered about when she was lying in my arms all those years ago— telling me her secrets and dreams. A part of me hoped she at least got that tattoo she had sworn me to secrecy about. 

When I left Veronica behind ten years ago, I had told Lilly I didn’t want to know anything when it came to her best friend. Lilly had held her side of the bargain and never mentioned Veronica to me. In fact, when I asked about her a few months after I left, Lilly had been very clear that she would not be telling me a single thing because,  _ “I was an ass who didn’t deserve to know anything about her best friend.” _

At least Lilly and I agreed on one thing. 

So I had gone ten years with radio silence. I refused to look her up on any social media sites and had refrained from calling her number that I kept saved in my cell phone. After a year or so the distance became easier. Once I graduated, Duncan and I opened our business, Echane Holdings LLC, and that became my sole purpose and my entire life. Within two years of opening we were a Fortune 500 company. 

Duncan had married Meg and they currently had three children together. When he asked me to be his best man at the wedding, part of me felt like I was betraying Veronica, but I had to remind myself that Duncan was my best friend and Veronica was an ex-fuck buddy. 

Even I didn’t believe that shit. Fuck buddy my ass. She had been far more than that to me, but I couldn’t focus on that because if I did, I would have to admit I had made the biggest mistake of my life by letting her go. 

With all the money I could ever dream of, no significant other to hold me down, and a self-destructive streak, I spent my twenties sleeping around and partying. If the girl was consenting and clean, I took her home. We would have our fun for the night and I would send her packing before the sun could come up. The over abundance of sex wasn’t my only vise. The drinking had become excessive at times, and eventually Duncan threatened to buy me out of my own company if I didn’t get my shit together. That was the wakeup call I needed. 

Eventually I cut down the partying and limited the amount of women I allowed through the doors of my penthouse. I started going to board meetings again, and had Duncan off my ass for the time being. Things had started to feel more steady and like I finally found my footing. 

Until she knocked on my door. 

With one look at her surprised face, everything was thrown off kilter again. I was falling, and wasn’t sure if I would recover from finding her living in the same city as me. How could I live everyday knowing that she was just around the corner working at my favorite art gallery? 

Veronica had been my oxygen in a world where I couldn’t breathe. She had been the only thing I ever wanted, but wouldn’t allow myself to have. She was my state of grace when I was poor broken sinner who would always believe himself unredeemable. 

She was everything. 

And she could have still been my everything if I hadn’t walked away.

I had done it  _ for  _ her. I gave her a life that she deserved by walking away. I couldn’t be selfish when it came to Veronica. I loved her more than she would ever know. But my heart was like a mosaic vase that had been put together sloppy and without care. Pieces were missing and there were holes that I didn’t think even Veronica could fill, though she tried. 

She deserved a masterpiece. 

I wasn’t ever going to be that for her. So I let her go. I waved the white flag and accepted defeat. I got on that flight and never returned to California. I couldn’t bear to be in the same state as Veronica without seeing her. People would laugh when I told them why I wouldn’t ever make my way back to the West Coast. They thought it was dramatic, but they didn’t understand what I had left behind. 

I didn’t just leave Veronica Mars behind that day. 

I left behind my hopes, my dreams, my future. 

I left behind my mosaic, broken heart.

* * *

 

**Ten Years Earlier: Veronica**

 

I ran up the stairs of my apartment building and quickly let myself into my home. I figured I had about five minutes to tidy up before Logan arrived. I really hadn’t expected him to want to come back to my place so I hadn’t even attempted to clean up after myself this morning. My PJs were in a pile by my bedroom door and my makeup took up the counterspace of the bathroom. Dishes filled our kitchen, and I knew there was no realistic way to get to them in time, so I left them unwashed and prayed he wouldn’t need a drink of water after our…  _ activities _ . 

_ Sex, Veronica Mars. If you can’t say sex, should you really be agreeing to it with someone who’s practically a stranger?  _

I hated when my reasonable part of myself started butting in where she didn’t belong. I did  _ not  _ have time to get into an internal debate. I was in crisis mode, and my sole focus was on throwing all my dirty clothes into a hamper, straightening up my bedsheets, and brushing my teeth. 

After a few minutes of scrambling, a knock on my door indicated that Logan was finally there. Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I made my way over and opened it to find him leaning against the frame. He looked absolutely perfect. 

“Hey,” was all I could manage as I held the door open for him. 

“Before we start this thing, we need to establish some rules, Veronica.” 

Well then, right to it.

“And we couldn’t have done this at Java the Hut after you had me drive all the way over there for no reason?” 

“I didn’t think you’d really want an audience for anything we might be saying.”

He had a point. I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed having the conversation with all those people around us. 

Logan followed me to my couch after I shut the door behind us, and we sat. He kept a decent amount of space between us and began, “First, I want you to know this is kind of new to me. I’m used to… well, it doesn’t matter what I’m used to; just know this isn’t something I do everyday. With that said, this won’t turn into a relationship, Veronica. You have to promise me that you get that.” 

He waited for my reply so I nodded. “No dating. We’re on the same page.” 

My answer seemed to please him, but he still continued without much of a smile. He was taking the entire thing very seriously. As if he couldn’t possibly imagine that a female could sleep with him without falling in love. 

_ No worries here. I’m about as inclined to fall in love again as I am to become an MLB pitcher.  _

“So here are my rules. One, my shirt stays on. Don’t ask why, because I won’t tell you.” I thought about protesting, but he gave me a stern look that reiterated that he didn’t want me to ask. “Two, no kissing…” My eyebrows shot up and he sighed, “...Mouth to mouth. Everywhere else is fine, but kissing,  _ actual  _ kissing is off limits. It’s intimate and I don’t do intimate. Third, I will always use protection.” 

Well, he wasn’t going to ever have an argument for the last rule, but the second one had me a little bummed. I personally enjoyed kissing… a lot.

It wasn’t  _ that  _ intimate… 

But I made no qualms, and he took a deeper breath as if to relax. 

“Do you have rules?” he asked me. 

I had to think about it for a couple of seconds before replying, “One, we don’t tell  _ anyone  _ about this. You can’t tell Duncan and I won’t tell Lilly. It’s for their benefit more than anything.” I waited to see if he’d protest, but he didn’t. “Two, You must  _ absolutely  _ wear protection at all times. I’m not willing to risk anything with you.” I thought I saw him flinch slightly at my words so I quickly added, “No offense.” 

“None taken… anything else?” 

“I don’t think so… Don’t fall in love with me?” It was supposed to be a joke, but Logan’s face hardened, and I wondered if he didn’t find it funny. 

Logan’s dark stare watched me for a second before he finally inched closer toward me. Lifting his hand, he pulled my hair away from the side of my neck, exposing my skin to him. My breath hitched and I stayed incredibly still with the anticipation of what was coming. His thumb grazed against the place between my neck and my shoulder. I shivered and a husky chuckle came from Logan.  

“Veronica?” his heady voice breathed against me. 

“Hmm?”

“You’re fucking gorgeous, and I’m dying to know what you’re pretty face looks like when I make you come.” 

_ Oh my…  _

I thought I might melt right into the ugly floral print couch Lilly had chosen for us when we first moved in together. 

Duncan never talked dirty. Sex was formal and calculated like a well planned dance. 

“Okay,” was the only logical thing I could think to say.

He shifted our bodies so that I was lying on the couch, his knees pushing my legs apart. Fingertips played with the hem of my shirt, while his eyes never left mine. In one swift move, he pulled my shirt up exposing my lacy bra. It was red with small black flowers that looked like polka dots. My lacy boyshorts underneath my jeans matched. 

The groan that escaped Logan had me biting my lip wantonly. I felt warmth spread down my stomach and pooling between my legs. I had never felt this wanted by anyone in my entire life. 

Logan pulled me up enough to get my shirt completely off and within a matter of seconds, my bra joined my shirt on the floor beside us. 

“Fuck, Veronica,” Logan groaned as he cupped my breasts in his hands. “You’re so fucking gorgeous.” 

I was about to protest— I knew my breasts were small and he had to be exaggerating— but I was stopped when his mouth connected with my left breast. His tongue swept over the swell of it and a loud moan escaped me. 

Shit that felt amazing. 

“So beautiful,” he whispered against my sensitive skin. 

He left small kisses around my hardened nipple and I thought I was going to lose myself completely if he didn’t relieve the throbbing I felt at the core of my body. 

As if he knew where my thoughts were, he lifted himself up and removed my jeans and panties, chucking them away from us. He took his time to take in my naked body, and I felt a blush creeping over my cheeks. I had never had anyone study me the way he was, especially with the look he was giving me— as if I looked like something he wanted to devour. 

“Veronica, I swear to god. How could anyone give this up? You’re perfect.” 

He was crazy, but I let him tell me pretty things because I craved them the way I craved for the relief he could bring me between my legs. 

His hand tenderly trailed down my stomach to the place I wanted him. We both watched his hand as his fingers spread my lips apart and his thumb ran across the slick center. 

“You’re so wet, baby.” 

“Mm…” I couldn’t make any words because my mind was focused on the fact that his fingers were gently teasing me when all I wanted was for him to fuck me. 

His mouth came back down to my breasts, but this time his teeth bit down gently on my pebbled nipple making me yelp with pain and pleasure. He finally dipped a finger inside of me and I threw my head back. His mouth moved its way to my neglected breast and began sucking and imitating what he had just done to the other. 

When a second finger joined his first, he picked up speed—   _ in and out, in and out—  _  curling his fingers expertly, hitting my G-spot, something Duncan had never been able to find. Logan, however, navigated my body like he had known it for years. 

“Logan…” 

“Tell me what you want, Veronica,” he whispered as he continued to pump in and out of me with his fingers. “Tell me what you need.” 

“I need…” I was hesitant to say it. I had never talked dirty before, but I knew exactly what Logan was waiting for. “I need to come.” 

“Do you want to come on my fingers, baby?” 

This man was going to be the death of me. Him and his magical fingers and his dirty words. 

“Fuck! Yes! Yes, please let me come!” 

He curled his fingers one last time and everything went a fantastic white, the pleasure taking over my body. 

I could feel his lips ghosting kisses across my neck as he groaned, “You’re so beautiful when you come, Veronica. I could watch that every day for the rest of my life.” 

When my high from my orgasm settled, Logan was breathing heavy and retrieving my clothes off of the floor. 

“What are you doing?” I didn’t mean for it to come out like a whine, but I knew that it did. I wasn’t ready to get dressed yet. Not even close. 

With a kiss to the top of my head he told me, “This was a trial run, Veronica. And I think we passed, but I’m not fucking you tonight.”

I wanted to stand and stomp my feet demanding ‘why,’ but instead I sat and pulled my tee over my head, skipping the bra. 

“But what about you—?”

“I’m okay. They invented cold showers for a reason.” He flashed me his wonderful smile and winked. “Today was about you.” 

Pulling my underwear back on I watched as he kneeled in front of me between my legs. His hands slid up and down my thighs. It wasn’t sexual, but instead it felt like something that someone who cared about you did when they were trying to make you more comfortable. It worked. 

“I needed you to let me in a little before we went head first into this,” he told me quietly.

His confession took me back for a moment, but when I considered his words, I found myself smiling. He knew I was nervous about what we were doing, and he had eased me into it. Choosing to make me comfortable over caring about his own physical needs. There was something about it that made me feel even more sure that I was ready to do this thing with him. 

Sexy, amazing with his hands,  _ and  _ caring? What else could a girl ask for when choosing a friend with benefits? 

“Thank you.” And I meant it. A quick kiss on my cheek, and he was standing again. 

“Anything for you, Mars.” 

He saluted a goodbye, and made his way out the door without another word. Leaving me sitting on my couch half dressed and world completely shook. 

If I had been on the fence about doing this before, I was running full speed ahead without any hesitation now. Was that what sex was suppose to feel like? Scratch that. What we had just done wasn’t even sex. It was foreplay, yet Logan had given me the best orgasm of my entire existence. 

But if I was going to be completely honest with myself, it wasn’t the orgasm that had me smiling like an idiot. It had been his admission. The fact that he had known what I needed and given it to me without a second thought about what he wanted or needed. It was the words he breathed against me that made me feel beautiful and wanted and valued. I knew better than to trust words after everything I had been through with Duncan, but something in the way Logan spoke them felt like he was being genuine in his praise. 

Behind that jackass armor he wore, there was a kind person. 

Behind those guarded eyes was a man that needed to be reminded that he was worth the time and care of another person. 

I just hoped he’d let me be the one to show him.

* * *

 

**Ten Years Earlier: Logan**

 

I rushed down the stairs of Veronica’s apartment, all the while praying I wouldn’t pass anyone on the way to my car. My hard-on was way too evident through my jeans. 

What I had just experienced with Veronica was beyond anything I could have ever imagined. It was better than anything I had experienced with any other woman before her. It was better than remembered birthdays, better than surfing, better than any high I had ever experienced. 

She had been everything. 

As soon as I found my way back into my room at The Grand, I threw my clothes off and headed straight for the shower. I had some unfinished business I had to attend to that involved my hand and the thoughts of Veronica’s naked body under me. 

The shower didn’t last long because I didn’t last long. Apparently Veronica had completely broken me. I had reverted back to a preteen that couldn’t last longer than a minute before coming undone. I was wrecked. Utterly and completely wrecked by this girl… and I didn’t hate it. But at the same time, I wanted to say, ‘forget it!’ Nothing good could come from this arrangement we had made. 

I wasn’t stupid. I had seen the look on her face after I gave her the best orgasm she probably had ever had. She looked at me like I was some knight in shiny armor. 

But I wasn’t. I never would be. 

I knew what women wanted to hear and I told them nice things as I pleasured them. It got them closer to the edge, and I liked watching them fall over. So I told Veronica things that she needed and wanted. I, in turn, received what I was looking for. 

Except only a small part of me believed that bullshit. I knew deep down that I had meant every damn word that came out of my mouth. For some reason she made me want to be honest and real. She made me want to be the man I wished I could be. 

_ Get a grip, would you? You’ve known this girl for two days.  _

I tried to reason with myself for the rest of the night. I went back and forth between wanting to call it quits to keep myself safe from feeling anything more than lust with Veronica and coping with the realization that she was a drug that I wouldn’t be able to take one hit from. While I had spent five years hearing about this girl from my best friend and ex, it had been very minimal details. However, being around her felt like I was with someone I had known my entire life. She made me feel like my slate was clean. 

I was redeemed. 

I was saved. 

But I wasn’t really. I knew that. I couldn’t escape from my past and I was stuck with a future that had been paved from me from birth. I was just a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I looked nice and shiny and lovable from the outside, but inside I was a mess. 

I would do this thing with Veronica. We would both get our fix, and we would move on. She would eventually marry some nice guy who would provide her with a stable home and a few kiddos. I would spend my time sleeping around until I got bored with that, and then I would devote myself to my job and future. 

But one thing I knew for sure: I would take as much as I could while I had her. I would memorize every moment of happiness she provided me. I would make sure I was someone she would never forget. I wanted her to remember what she had with me when she found someone to love her in the future. I wanted to be the ghost she would dream about from time to time. 

Because I was selfish. 

And I would take what I could get.

* * *

 

**Ten Years Earlier: Veronica**

 

I spent the next few days going through the motions. I would wake up, (check my phone), eat, (check my phone), apply for colleges, (check my phone). I refused to be the person to text Logan first. If he wanted me, he could get in contact with me. But the constant way my eyes would be drawn to my phone started making me feel like I was going crazy. 

Lilly returned four days after Logan had left me in my apartment. She was bubbly and excited to tell me all about her little vacation she had taken with her boy toy. The fact that I still wasn’t sure what his name was pretty telling about how I thought this relationship would end. 

“... and then Brady took us out on his boat, and  _ lord _ , it was perfect!” 

Right, his name was Brady. 

“It sounds like it, Lils. You think he’s gonna be the one to capture Lilly Kane’s heart?” 

She eyed me and laughed like it was the funniest thing she had ever heard. 

“I don’t believe in monogamy, Veronica. How am I supposed to only love one single person for the rest of my life? Can you say, ‘ _ borrrring _ ?’”

This had me sighing. My best friend was ridiculous, but I loved her to death. 

“Maybe I’ll adopt your crazy ass ways…” I told her rolling my eyes.

This really had Lilly laughing. I threw my pillow at her and huffed. 

“Veronica Mars, we both know you are the most vanilla girl out there. As much as I would love for you to go crazy and let loose… I think throwing out monogamy is a bit far fetched.” 

“Hey! I’m not vanilla…” 

But she was right, I  _ was  _ vanilla. Well, after my agreement with Logan, I was less vanilla than she thought, but she wasn’t allowed to know about that. 

“Veronica, it isn’t a bad thing. I admire you and how you were able to love for so long. Granted that love was placed in my idiot brother. Who, by the way, I haven’t spoken to on your behalf.” Lilly looked at me seriously. “Don’t let your first attempt at love be the thing that keeps you from finding it again. You’re a catch, Veronica. Accept the inevitable!”

“And what’s that?” I asked, unsure if I wanted to know the answer. 

“That one day you’re going to find the man of your dreams. He’ll fall madly in love with you, marry you, and then you’ll pop out a few kids and have a perfect life.” 

I didn’t say anything. On one hand that sounded exactly what I would have wanted before Duncan cheated and took every ounce of trust I had. But now? Now I wasn’t sure what I wanted. 

“I think I just want to test the waters for a while… Maybe just have some fun,” I admitted. Her shocked face confirmed that she thought I had lost my damn mind. 

“Wait! Wait! Wait! Are you saying you want to just mess around? Like no strings attached?!” Her voice was shrill and excited. 

“I think so… Yeah.” 

“Oh my god! We need to go out! Let’s go to that new club I was telling you about! I cannot wait to see this in action!” She squealed. I realized I had made a grave mistake telling my best friend that I wanted casual sex. Because now she wouldn’t rest until she knew I had actually done it. But there was no way in hell I was going to sleep with anyone but Logan. 

An hour later she had me made up and dressed like a hooker. Well, Lilly said I looked sexy, but I had to disagree… I hated wearing dresses… short, tight dresses were even worse. 

“Brady said he’ll meet us there. It’s an hour away, so I’m calling dad’s driver and having him take us. There’s no way I’m being DD,” Lilly informed me while she typed something on her illuminated phone. 

I didn’t argue nor agree. Lilly was on a mission, and wouldn’t be able to hear me anyway with her focus on the plans for the night. 

I kept checking my reflection in our body length mirror. I found myself wondering if Logan would like what I was wearing. 

Where the hell was Logan anyway? He hadn’t even attempted to contact me in four days. No ‘hello,’ ‘goodnight,’ or ‘how are you?’ text. Nothing. I wasn’t really angry, but I was worried about him. What if something had happened? 

Eventually Jake Kane’s driver showed up and brought us to the club Lilly had been obsessing about for weeks. It was supposed to be the best thing since the invention of wifi or something. It was loud and packed. With Lilly’s name drop, we were able to make it past the long line of people waiting to get in. 

Shouting something about getting something to drink and finding Brady, Lilly pulled me in the direction of the bar where we sat on two recently empty bar stools. 

“She’ll have a dirty martini and I’ll have a manhattan!” Lilly told the bartender. A few minutes later he returned to where we sat with our drinks. 

Lilly absentmindedly grasped hers in her hand as she scanned the busy room. I knew she was looking for Brady, but there was no way she would be able to make him out in the crowd of people. 

“Stay here! I’m going to the bathroom to call my man!” she called to me before hopping off her seat and disappearing. 

With a sigh I took a sip of what she ordered for me and almost gagged. It was disgusting. The bartender caught on and made his way back to me. 

“Where’d your friend go?” he asked me. 

I was used to men being intrigued by Lilly. I always seemed a little invisible next to her. 

I offered a one shouldered shrug and he gave me a dimpled grin. “You don’t like what she ordered you?” 

“It’s…” I thought about lying, but what the hell. “It’s so gross.” 

“I take it you’re more of a margarita girl?” 

To be honest I wasn’t a much of any drink kind of girl, but I kept that to myself. 

“I guess.” 

He gave a nod and rushed away. I thought that was the end of our discussion, but within a matter of a few minutes he returned with the girliest looking drink I had ever seen. I knew Lilly had ordered me a martini because it looked classy as fuck, but god, if it tasted that gross I would take immature girly drink any day. 

“On the house,” he told me, leaning on the sticky bar— his dimples on display. I took a slow sip, nodded in approval, and took my time checking him out. He was cute in a rugged kind of way. His hair was longer and he had tattoos that snaked up his arms. If I was into the dangerous kind of man, I would have found him incredibly attractive. But he wasn’t my type. 

_ My type _ . Did I really even have a type anymore? 

I thought of Logan and decided I did. 

I was two drinks in when Lilly and Brady finally made their way back to the bar. I had to admit I was a lightweight and was already feeling the effects of the alcohol that was currently coursing through my system. 

“Margaritas? Really, Veronica?” Lilly scoffed. “Let me guess, you haven’t had a single man hit on you yet?” 

I wanted to protest and tell her that the bartender, Aiden, had given me free drinks. I also wanted to tell her that on more than one occasion he had stopped in front of me and leaned close to converse with me. But Aiden was currently standing too close for me to tell his secrets so I just smiled and shook my head. 

“If I’m going to be stuck here at this loud club, I’m going to drink something that actually tastes good!” I told her. 

She mumbled and Brady whispered in her ear. She turned her attention back to me and asked, “Will you at least come to the dance floor?” 

“No.” 

There was no way in hell I was going to the dance floor. 

She began protesting, and I began to tune her out. It was how most of our outings went.

“Another drink?” Aiden asked me, interrupting my best friend’s annoyed rant about me being boring.  

“God yes,” I told him. He winked and walked away leaving Lilly stunned. 

She pulled me close to her and whisper-shouted, “Veronica Mars! He wants to bone you!” 

I glanced over at Aiden who was watching us out of the corner of his eye. A smirk crossed his face when he saw my eyes on him. 

“No, he doesn’t.” 

“Have you paid for any of these atrocious drinks?” 

I hadn’t. 

“No…”

“He wants to bone you. Hard. Like bend-you-over-a-couch-arm-and-fuck-you-‘til-you-scream hard.” 

My eye roll was enough for Lilly to laugh and kiss my cheek. “If he asks you to come home with him, say yes. I’m going home with Brady. If for some reason you don’t find a man here, call my dad’s driver and he’ll take you home.”

With that she left me alone at a bar in the middle of a packed club. I wanted to go after her and tell her I didn’t feel comfortable being left alone like this. I was half pissed and half amused by her antics. 

“For the record,” a voice said, bringing me back from my thoughts. “At least one man has hit on you tonight. In case I wasn’t clear before.” 

It was Aiden and his shit eating smirk. He really was gorgeous. If my mind hadn’t been constantly going back to a certain someone, I would have really considered his advances. But every time I thought about having sex, there was only one face that came to mind. 

_ Logan.  _

I took the drink Aiden held out for me and grinned. “Thanks.” 

It was the nicest possible way I could think to answer him without leading him on. I wasn’t going to be bent over his couch any time soon. 

“I take it you’re single?” he inquired further. My stomach had a weird knot, and I shook my head. 

“Sorry, but I’m sort of seeing someone. I’m not officially dating him, so my friend thinks that means it’s still a free for all in the men’s department.”

“Is it?” 

No. Yes. Was it? Logan and I hadn’t said we were exclusive, but either way I couldn’t imagine myself having sex with two men in the same time period. I made a mental note to discuss that with Logan when I saw him next.

“No.” 

He nodded with understanding. “Well, if that ever changes, you know where to find me, Veronica.” 

I had a feeling my free drinks were at and end for the night. 

After I had finished my last drink Aiden had made, I made my way to the bathroom to call the driver. I wasn’t trying to find someone to sleep with tonight, and I didn’t want to be at the club in the first place so it was time to go home.

When I got to the bathroom I saw that I had three missed calls. When I checked to see who they were from my heart skipped a beat. 

_ Three missed calls from Logan.  _

He had left a single voicemail so I quickly dialed it and held the phone to my ear. 

_ “Hey Veronica, it’s Logan. I was free tonight and hoping that maybe I could swing by? Let me know.”  _

Forgetting entirely about the driver, I called Logan back hoping he would answer. 

After two rings his voice broke through. “Hello?” 

It was then that I remembered I was past tipsy and full on drunk. 

Shit. 

“Hey,” I replied, but it came out way too giggly for my taste. 

“Are you drunk?” 

How did he know? Was he a psychic or something? 

“I know because you sound drunk, Veronica.” 

Oh shit I had said that out loud? 

“Oh,” I replied dumbly. 

“Where are you?” 

He sounded stern and concerned, which pissed me off in my drunken state. 

“Why do you care? You’re not my boyfriend.”

I went there. I really went there, and I knew the next morning I would be kicking myself for sounding as pathetic as I did. 

“Veronica,” his voice was low and demanding, “Where are you?” 

“This new club… Paradise… Lilly took me here to fuck someone.” 

And this was why I didn’t drink. 

Logan ignored the last part and focused on the first when he replied calmly, “And where’s Lilly?”

“With Brady… I think they left?” 

“She left you there?” 

“Yeah, but it’s okay. I have to call her driver… er… Jake’s driver, and he’ll come get me. But I called you first.” 

There was a pause and what sounded like shuffling on his end. 

“I’m on my way, just stay put, okay?” 

“You don’t have to—”

“Veronica, you’re in a club alone. I’m not letting you put yourself at risk like that. I was already in the area, so I’ll be there in a couple of minutes.” 

I didn’t protest and told him I would wait. He hung up and I stood in the bathroom stall staring at my phone. 

Why was he already in the area? The club was in Los Angeles. 

I must have sat in the bathroom stall way longer than I realized because soon my phone was ringing, Logan’s name flashing across it. 

“I’m here, out front.” 

When I made it outside, I found him in his rental car waiting for me. 

I was expecting him to be angry. To tell me what an idiot I was and what a fool I had made of myself, but as soon as I drunkenly slipped into the passenger’s seat he gave me a small chuckle. 

“Did you have fun?” 

“Yes,” I lied. 

In truth, it hadn’t been fun at all. I was still a little pissed at Lilly. Part of me wanted to brag about being hit on by the bartender, but thankfully the tactful part of myself didn’t let me.

“It’s over an hour drive from home. Are you okay with staying at my apartment in LA?” he changed the subject. 

“You have an apartment in LA?” 

“Well, it’s my father’s, but yes.” 

I was silent and he asked again, “Are we okay to stay here for the night?” 

Oh, right. He had asked a question. 

“Okay.” 

As he weaved in and out of city traffic, I felt myself lulling to sleep. Alcohol always had a way of making me tired. It didn’t even register when the car stopped and Logan opened my door. 

“Come on, Sleeping Beauty.” 

I cracked one eye open and gave him a lazy smile. 

“You think I’m pretty? Even when I’m drunk off my ass and asleep?”

He looked at me through his eyelashes and whispered, “Yes.” 

We made our way through the lobby of his apartment building and to the stairs. He held me close and half-carried me up the stairs. I had already sobered up significantly, but I didn’t want him to let me go, so I didn’t put up a fight. 

Once we were secure in his apartment and the door was locked behind us, he turned to me, arms spread wide. “Home sweet home!” 

He meant it as a cliched statement.

What he didn’t know is how close to the truth he hit. 

While he wasn’t quite home yet, there was something about him that felt right. He made me want to drop my keys off on the kitchen island and head to the bedroom to change into my pajamas. He made me want to call,  _ “Honey! I’m home!” _

He wasn’t my home yet. 

But something told me eventually he would be.    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was based off of Taylor's song, "State of Grace." Listen to it by following the link below! ⤵
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDrCAV5TydY


	4. Sad Beautiful Tragic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: M for Graphic Sexual Scene  
> *******  
> Here's the smut guys. First SEX scene written by me... So lemme know, honestly, how it was! Because this girl would LOOOOVE your feedback. (: 
> 
> You guys continue to amaze me through your support.  
> xo,  
> Britt

**Present: Logan**

 

It had been a week since I had left Veronica in her office, but the moment my phone rang I knew it was her. There was some invisible string that ran from me to her, there always had been. Even now, ten years later, it stays there— strong and proud and unwilling to snap. 

“Hello?” I tried to sound calm and collected even if my thoughts were racing and my hands were clammy. 

“Hey Logan, it’s Veronica.”

“Right, Veronica. Have you found the photographer?” 

There was silence on her end, and I thought I could hear her shuffling papers around. 

“No.”

Disappointment coursed through my veins and I tried not to care. I wasn’t even sure why I was so determined to find out the identity of the guy who took the photo anyway. But why was she calling if she had no news?

I cleared my throat before asking, “Is there something you needed?” 

Even to my own ears it sounded colder than I intended. 

“Well, I guess I just wanted to call to say sorry. I’m not going to be able to give you a name for the photographer. I really tried, but there’s nothing I can do. They wish to remain anonymous.” 

So she did know who it was. She just wasn’t going to tell  _ me _ . 

“It’s fine, Veronica,” my voice was softer, “Thank you for trying. If he changes his mind, just give me a call.”

Another short silence on Veronica’s end clued me in. She wasn’t just calling to send her apologies. 

“Veronica—?” 

“Could we possibly meet up?” The question was rushed.

“When?” was my answer. What else could possibly be my answer? Of course I would meet up with her. She had a way of pulling me in no matter how hard I fought her gravitational pull. 

“I’m off at five?” It sounded like a question rather than a statement so I eased her mind. 

“I’ll see you at five. I’ll pick you up and we’ll do dinner?” 

“Okay.”

“Okay,” I parroted. 

“I’ll see you tonight,” she told me. 

“Can’t wait.” 

We hung up, and I immediately scrambled to make a reservation at the nicest restaurant in New York City. Because Veronica deserved the best. If I couldn’t give her a future, the least I could do was give her a decent dinner date. 

Once the reservations were made, I changed into something nicer, and headed out. I needed to find a florist to buy a decently sized bouquet of flowers. It dawned on me that I had never, in the months we had been together, given Veronica flowers. I wasn’t even sure if she liked flowers. 

_ Girls like that shit _ , I reassured myself.  _ Odds are she’ll appreciate it.  _

While I knew some of her deep, dark secrets and she knew some (but hardly any) of mine, it occurred to me that I hadn’t really taken the time to know some of the small details— her likes and dislikes. Sure, I knew some stuff like the fact that I knew she liked coffee… I knew the things the Kanes had told me over the years, I knew what she looked like when she slept, her favorite restaurant in Neptune was Mama Leone’s, she loved photography, she hated cheerleaders. But I didn’t know her favorite color. Sure, I could probably guess by process of elimination, but I had never asked. I didn’t know if she liked flowers. I only knew her birthday because of that wonderfully fateful night ten years ago. But she didn’t know my birthday, unless she had asked someone else. 

But I didn’t let all the things I didn’t know make me feel too bad. I knew important things— her fears, her dreams, and the things she didn’t have to tell me because I saw them woven into the person she was. The smell of her shampoo was forever engrained in my memory. I knew the way she slept— lying on her side, with one hand tucked under her face and the other draped across her stomach. I saw how she would glance at me out of the corner of her eye, trying to be inconspicuous about watching me. I loved how she watched me, like I was the most fascinating person she had ever met. I wasn’t, but the way I could tell how much she adored me by the looks she gave, had my heart beating only for her. 

She snuck under my skin a little at a time, so slowly that I hadn’t realized she was doing it until she was forever there. Sure, the years had made the painful ache I had from her loss bearable, but it was still there. Sometimes it was so overwhelming that I wanted to run back to the alcohol and drugs and women, but I was a better man now. I was an adult with a job that kept me on track. However, seeing her again hadn’t lessened the pain, not by a long shot. If anything the loss I felt all those years ago had come back in full force. Fate was reminding me that I wasn’t good enough for a woman like her. Fate was reminding me of what I lost simply because of the cards I had been dealt from birth. 

Fate was a bitch. 

I got to Veronica’s work way too early and realized I would look like an idiot if I walked into the gallery forty-five minutes before I was supposed to, so I spent my time walking down the sidewalk, window shopping at the different art galleries that littered the long street. I told myself I wasn’t actually seriously looking at each gallery, but I knew deep down I was looking for another gallery I could shop at when things inevitably went south with Veronica. I was a self-sabotaging motherfucker. I knew it. But what the hell, I couldn’t change who I was now. 

After I spent my time in and out of galleries that would never be as good as Veronica’s gallery, I finally made my way back up the street to  _ The Singing Room.  _ I was now only five minutes early, and didn’t mind walking in and waiting for her to get done. 

She must have seen me when I entered because she rushed out of her office looking flustered. “Logan! I just have to do some finishing paperwork for the day, and I’ll be ready to go! It’s been insane here, I’m so sorry.” 

I gave her a smile, the one that always seemed to calm her nerves and told her I would be there waiting and not to rush. I could see her relax and she disappeared into her office again, leaving me to stand awkwardly in the gallery’s front desk area. Rather than standing there like a fool, I slowly made my way to Veronica’s door, which was open. 

She sat at her desk typing furiously on her keyboard, completely in the zone and unaware that I was watching her. Her brow was furrowed, the way it always was when she was being contemplative, and I had the urge to walk over to her and press my thumb between her brows to make the lines disappear. She had hated when I had done that when we were together. But I had always been compulsed to do it, like I was somehow helping ease her stress by removing the worry lines. 

It only took a few minutes for her to realize I was standing at her office’s door— she was perceptive like that. She gave a quick look my way, and a large smile spread across her face. 

“What the hell are you doing, standing there like some sort of stalker?” she asked me as she continued to assault her keyboard. 

“You’re cute when you’re all concentrated and shit.” 

An eyeroll was what I recieved, and I made my way into her office and sat at the chair across from her. 

“I have this artist…  _ amazing  _ artist, but such a pain in my ass. I feel like he’s always fighting with us about something,” she told me. 

“‘No, painting is not done to decorate apartments. It is an instrument of war’.”

Her eyes darted to mine and her eyebrows raised in surprise. 

“Picasso,” she smiled and I nodded. She began to shake her head with false annoyance. “You and your damn quotes.” 

“You missed my damn quotes,” I pushed back. 

Her lips pursed for a moment, as if she were deeply considering what I had said. Finally she shrugged, “Maybe a little.” 

I laughed and she laughed. And it was a perfect moment— the two of us carelessly happy.

“Now be quiet, so I can finish this email! I’m starving and would prefer to get to dinner on time!” she reprimanded me. 

I obliged and was content watching as her fingers, the fingers that used to entwine with my own, type her message to her pain-in-the-ass artist. Her blue eyes sparkled, full of the life I had come to crave. Her teeth would occasionally pull her bottom lip between them, and I could imagine my own teeth doing it instead. 

She looked older and yet the same. I couldn’t help but notice she had more curves than when I had first met. As a man with eyes, I appreciated the changes her body had made throughout the years. She wore her hair shorter than when I had met her. It was shoulder length with loose waves. Her face was almost bare; she had never been one for makeup— something I appreciated after my years of hooking up with women who cared way too much about their looks. 

She was still perfection. She was still everything. 

“Ready?” her voice cut through my thoughts. 

“More than you know,” I answered.

* * *

 

**Present: Veronica**

 

Logan had flowers waiting for me in his car. His driver gave us a quick look, and I wasn’t sure what it meant. It almost seemed disapproving, but I didn’t understand why that would be the case. 

The flowers were a peonie bouquet, and I hadn’t ever seen something so pretty. I tried to keep my face neutral as I received them. But in reality I was confused and excited. He had never given me flowers before. 

“Flowers, huh?” I questioned. “You pulling out all the big stops?” 

Logan chuffed and responded with a, “I guess you’ll have to stay a while to find out.” 

I wanted to point out that I  _ had  _ stayed, that  _ he  _ had been the one to leave, but I didn’t want to ruin the happy bubble we were currently hiding in. 

When the car pulled in front of a restaurant that was well out of my budget and had at least a six month wait for reservations, I turned to Logan who sat smugly beside me. That bastard was still an arrogant prick. 

An arrogant prick that I couldn’t help but find endearing and wonderful. 

“I told myself if I had one shot to get this right, I might as well have you dining in the finest restaurant in New York City.” 

His explanation was unnecessary, but had me snorting at his accent he used whenever he feigned aristocracy. 

The dinner was rather quiet and full of awkward silences neither of us were willing to fill due to the fear that we might bring something up that could hurt us both. So we remained quiet, our attention on our overpriced meals. 

The first real conversation we had was on our car ride back to my apartment. 

“Veronica,” Logan whispered. I wondered if he whispered because he wasn’t sure if he really wanted me to hear him. 

“Mm?” was my casual reply. 

“I missed you.” 

It was honest and I could tell by the pained look in his face that he had been living the same hell I had been living in these past ten years. 

“You missed me or you missed the easy lay?” 

It was bitchy and it was the far from what I had actually wanted to say. But I couldn’t just tell him I missed him too, I had to protect myself from the pain he could so easily inflict on my poor heart. He couldn’t hide the visible flinch from my words. It was evident that they had hurt him. 

_ Good!  _ I wanted to say, but I knew I didn’t actually mean it. I hated causing him pain, even if he had caused years of damage for me. 

“Veronica…” he started but his voice trailed off as if he didn’t know what to say. That caused my stomach to knot uncomfortably. For a moment I thought maybe my words hit a little too close to home than I intended. But his next words eased my worry. “It was more than that to me… You know that.” 

I did… Or I thought I had known that until he walked away from us without a second thought. 

He took my silence as me disagreeing with him and he continued, “Look, I know I royally fucked up by leaving you, but I have spent these past years kicking myself for that. I’m not looking for a do-over. I’m not looking for a relationship from you. Hell, I’m not even looking for your complete forgiveness. I just want you back in my life, Veronica.” 

He didn’t want to date me. 

He didn’t want what we had ten years ago. 

Part of me was relieved that he wasn’t expecting me to dive back into anything with him. Honestly, if he had asked to resume what we had done ten years ago, I would have laughed in his face and gone on my (not so) merry way. Another part of me felt the sting of rejection. Which was ridiculous because he hadn’t actually  _ rejected  _ me, so to speak. 

“Just friends?” I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me. 

“Just friends,” he confirmed. 

It took me less than a second to realize I wanted that. I really wanted that. 

“Okay,” I agreed. 

The car stopped in front of my small apartment building. This was the part where I didn’t know what to do. Did I ask him up? Did I hug him goodnight? Did we shake hands? 

“I can see the wheels turning, Mars. We can part ways here and I’ll text you when I’m home.” 

Right. No coming up then. 

We said our goodbyes and I rushed to get out of his car. The driver’s eyes were on me as I almost tripped on the sidewalk. That had my cheeks burning with embarrassment.

When I turned to see if Logan’s car had disappeared, I realized that he was still there. 

_ “Why do you wait for me to get inside?”  _ I had asked him ten years ago. 

_ “Because I like knowing what’s mine is safe and sound,”  _ he had told me, kissing me quickly on the tip of my nose. 

It was the first time he had ever called me “his.” 

My stomach did that stupid somersault, just thinking that he still watched me get in safely. 

I thought about our night and how it had gone. Each step I took toward my apartment door rang through my soul. 

_ Friends.  _

_ Lovers.  _

_ Friends.  _

_ Lovers.  _

_ Friends.  _

And then I was standing in front of my door, wishing he was with me— wishing he could see the world I had built while he was gone. 

Hoping that he would stick around long enough to let me show him who I was now. 

Believing that this time would be different.

* * *

 

**Ten Years Earlier: Veronica**

 

Once we had settled into Logan’s apartment for the night, he had made us a pot of coffee and disappeared without saying a word. I wondered if he was annoyed that he had to take care of me. This was why I didn’t drink. I hated drunks, yet here I was coming down from my tipsy state in Logan’s L.A. home.

I was sipping my piping hot, bitter as hell, cup when he returned to the kitchen. He was now wearing sweats and a burnt orange V-neck. I had a feeling the tee shirt was supposed to be loose fitting, but with his build it clung to his arms and chest. Not that I was complaining— even if I hated the color orange. 

“You can stay in the bedroom, I’ll stay on the couch,” he informed me. 

I frowned because I was under the assumption we’d be sharing his bed. 

“You don’t have to stay on the couch—” 

“I don’t fall asleep next to people,” he cut me off. His normally friendly and flirty persona was temporarily replaced with a colder man. 

I tried to fake nonchalance with a shrug. “If you change your mind, I don’t bite.” 

His eyes darkened and a wicked expression crossed his face. “It’s not the biting I’m worried about.” 

I wanted to go to him and kiss his stupid expression off his face. I hated how my whole body heated up and reacted to his words. 

“In that case…” I began jokingly. I swear his eyes turned an even darker shade as he stood there, silent and brooding. 

“Veronica,” he took a step closer to where I was sitting. 

“Yes?”

“Are you sober?” 

“Considering you brought me here,” I pretended to check the non-existent watch on my wrist, “Two hours ago, and I now have coffee coursing through my body… yes.” 

That was all the confirmation he needed before he was pulling me off the stool into a kiss. It was rough and consuming. His soft lips eagerly searching my hesitant ones. Eventually I settled into his kiss. I let it take over, willing him to make me his. His tongue swept across my lower lip. When a small moan escaped, parting my lips ever so slightly, he took his chance at sweeping in his tongue. It found mine and the kiss slowed down. Our tongues created a dance that I wanted to memorize. Eventually he pulled back and gave me small pecks on each corner of my mouth before kissing me again, full on the lips. This kiss was soft and completely opposite of the first, but it sent my mind reeling. It was sensual and sweet. But that’s not what had my mind racing. It was one single thought that was echoing through my mind. 

_ He’s kissing me.  _

He must have realized his mistake because he pulled away from me, a grimace replacing his lustful gaze. 

“I shouldn’t have done that.” 

Those words blew out every dash of hope that kiss had ignited within me. 

He regretted what I had found to be an unforgettable moment in my life. 

“Let me show you the room,” he mumbled before taking my forgotten cup of coffee and dumping it down the sink. I wasn’t done drinking it, but I couldn’t find the words to stop him. 

He turned his back to me and headed out of the kitchen, expecting me to follow him. 

I did… even if I didn’t want to. 

The bedroom was bare and lacked any sort of decoration. The walls were cream, the sheets were cream, the curtains were cream. It was bland and void of life. 

“Bathroom is through there,” he pointed to a shut door and then continued, “I have to be back in Neptune by noon, so I’ll wake you up in time to get ready.” 

I nodded, still unable to speak. His eyes stayed on me, searching. For what, I wasn’t sure. I averted my eyes, not wanting him to read what rested behind them. The disappointment, the hurt, the curiosity. 

“Night, Veronica.” 

The door closed, and I looked back toward the place he had stood. 

“Night, Logan.”

* * *

 

**Ten Years Earlier: Logan**

 

I was an idiot. Worse, I was an asshole who had idiotic tendencies. 

It was just a kiss. I had lied when I told her that I didn’t kiss. Normally I could spend forever lost in kissing. It was actually something I enjoyed. But the moment I had decided to do this thing with her, I had realized I was in trouble. There was a chance I wouldn’t be able to walk away from her. 

Kissing  _ was  _ intimate. That wasn’t a lie. Hell, what we had just done was almost as intimate as I had ever been with someone. I had gotten swept away in that kiss. I tasted her. I felt her heart beating against me. I wanted to be the one to kiss her for the rest of her goddamn life. 

_ That  _ was the problem. It was what I had feared when I first promised myself I wouldn’t let myself taste her in that way. I knew if I had the chance to kiss her, really kiss her, I wouldn’t be able to escape. 

But I couldn’t pretend the kiss hadn’t happened. I needed more. 

Turning back to the door I had just shut behind me, I threw it open to find a very naked Veronica. She whipped around in surprise and pulled the bed covers over her as if I hadn’t seen everything already. What she didn’t know, was the day at her apartment, I had committed every detail of her perfect body to memory.

“What are you doing?” she demanded. She wasn’t angry, I realized, just surprised. 

“Fuck not kissing you,” was my reply. 

I was in front of her before she had a chance to protest. My lips found hers again. This time I took my time exploring her mouth. Her hands released the covers and snaked around my neck, pulling me closer. 

“Too many clothes,” she mumbled against my lips. I couldn’t help but chuckle at her unsaid request. 

“As I see it, there’s nothing left for you to remove,” I replied sarcastically, knowing full well she meant that I had too many clothes on. 

I continued kissing her until I had her spread across the bed. Her hair cascading all around her like she was some kind of fucking angel. 

_ My  _ angel. My redeeming grace. 

She was beautiful, and her pussy was glistening with want. Her eyes mirroring how she felt. She looked at me as if I was some kind of knight. 

_ Her  _ knight in not-so-shining armor. 

“Have I told you how beautiful you are?” I asked her seriously. I took everything about her seriously. 

“Not today,” she joked. She always joked to hide behind her insecurities. She didn’t seem to ever take herself seriously. I was going to change that. 

“Well, let me remind you.” 

I shoved my sweats down my body. I hadn’t worn underwear, and my hard-on was pointing at her. I couldn’t help but notice the way her eyes wandered over my body. 

“Your shirt?”

“It stays on,” I reminded her. I may have broken my rule about kissing her, but the shirt rule wasn’t going to be abandoned. Everyone had scars, whether they were visible or not. Mine happened to be on full display across my back in the form of silvery white lines and red circles. I may have gotten away from my dad at eighteen, but he made sure that I would always have a reminder of who I was and what I was worth. 

_ Worth to  _ him _ … Not what you’re  _ actually  _ worth, _ I tried to remind myself. But it didn’t matter. The scars on my skin didn’t run as deep as the ones engrained on my soul. 

I was scarred and broken and I sure as hell didn’t deserve the woman lying on the bed in front of me. Her eyes held questions, but she didn’t ask. She simply nodded her head and waited for my next move. 

I pulled her to the edge of the bed and knelt in front of her. I wanted to taste her. I bet that she tasted like heaven. 

Just as I was about make my descent, Veronica squeezed my head between her thighs. Looking up at her, I furrowed my brows.

“I… I don’t like…” She stumbled over her words and her eyes roamed from me to between her legs. 

“You don’t like when a guy goes down on you?” I asked her bluntly. We needed to work on her communication if this was going to work. She was perfect and had no reason to be embarrassed. 

Her face flushed and she squeezed her eyes shut, “I can’t come that way.” 

I wanted to laugh, but I had a feeling she was telling the truth. I had a feeling the problem had less to do with her and more to do with the fact that she’d been with men who had never known how to give her what she wanted. 

I loved going down on women. I liked watching as they came apart as I spent my sweet time with my tongue and fingers. But tonight, I wasn’t going to push the matter because she was uncomfortable and I didn’t want her shutting down. 

“Open your eyes, Veronica.” She did so with hesitation. Those beautiful blue eyes were guarded and we couldn’t have that. “Don’t be afraid to tell me what you like and don’t like, baby.” 

She nodded her head, but I knew she wasn’t actually agreeing with me. 

“Veronica,” I said seriously, “I mean it.” 

With that I stretched myself over her body and kissed her. I kissed away the shame, the fear, the uncertainty. Promises I couldn’t say out loud were in the form of my lips brushing softly against hers. I just hoped she could interpret them. 

After our mouths became more hungry, I could feel the heat between her legs. I groaned and she lifted her hips and rubbed herself against my very hard cock. Her wetness coating me. My promises were forgotten and replaced with my physical need for her. 

This was fun. This wasn’t supposed to be serious. 

This was just sex. 

I stood and quickly found my condom stash in the nightstand. Pulling a foil square, I ripped it open with my teeth, and watched her watch me as I slid the condom on. When I made my way back to where she was lying, I flipped her so her ass was on display. 

She looked over her shoulder, her loose hair flying wildly making her look incredibly sexy. I pulled her crazy hair away from her back and to one side so I could kiss her right shoulder, bringing our bodies flush against each other. Skin to skin, we seemed to fit perfectly. 

I angled my cock at her entrance, and it was then that she realized I’d be taking her from behind. She didn’t protest, however, she just turned her head away from me, waiting for me to do whatever it was I was going to do. 

I pushed inside her wet and warm pussy and I knew I wouldn’t last long. What was this woman doing to me? When I was fully in her to the hilt, I stayed still. I was not going to ruin having sex with Veronica for the first time because my dick had a mind of his own. 

_ Think of grandmas… think of those sad animal commercials where Sarah Mclachlan sings her depressing ass angel song…  _

It worked, and I pulled myself almost all the way out of Veronica and slammed back into her. Her gasp had my head spinning. I picked up my speed. 

“Fuck, Veronica…” 

She felt amazing, warm and perfect. I placed sloppy kisses against her neck and shoulder as I pumped in and out of her. 

“Lo… oh god…  _ Logan _ !” 

She was close, I could feel her pussy squeezing my dick. I reached around and found her wet, swollen clit. I circled it with my thumb as I continued to fuck her. It only took a few more pumps before she came, gasping incoherent words. I caught my name, and I felt my heart speed up. My name on her lips sounded like a beautiful song I wanted to play on repeat. 

I was close, and she must have realized that because she threw her head back against my chest and smiled a wide and taunting smile. Her soft, flushed cheek pressed against mine. I pushed her back down, away from me. She held herself on her elbows making cute noises that only she could possibly make during sex. 

Then I came hard. So hard that it took a moment for me to see straight. I collapsed against her and she wiggled underneath me giggling. I was still inside her, but I wasn’t ready to remove myself. I didn’t want to wake from this impossibly flawless dream. 

“You. Are. Perfect,” I breathed against her skin. It was hot and sticky with sweat. 

I didn’t have to see her face to know she was rolling her damn eyes. Her silence was enough of a clue to tell me how she felt about being called perfect. I wanted to kick Duncan’s ass for not appreciating the woman he had. The woman who loved him. Because I would have done anything to have a woman like Veronica love me.

After I pulled away from her and removed the condom I pulled my clothes back on as she watched me with a content smile on her face. It was when I started heading for the door that I caught a look of confusion cross her face. 

“Where are you going?” she asked me. 

“The couch.” 

“You’re really going to fuck me and just leave… just like that?” Her tone was accusatory and I could hear a tinge of anger. But damn I loved it when she got all feisty, so I couldn’t help the way the corners of my mouth lifted. This just pissed her off further. “You’re an ass.” 

“Veronica,” I said in a soft voice. She crossed her arms against her chest. I bit back a groan because it pushed her naked breasts out on display. My stare must have shown my less than decent thoughts about her, because she unfolded her arms and rolled her eyes. 

“Eyes are up here, big guy.” 

Big guy? I laughed at that. 

“Is that because of the size of Logan Junior?” I asked jokingly. 

Her scoff was playful. “You wish… and Logan Junior? Really?” 

“What else should I call him?” 

“Oh my god! Nothing you weirdo! You’re a grown man!” 

As she giggled, I stepped back toward the bed and pinned her down— turning her giggles into a full and wonderful laugh. 

My mouth was only a few centimeters from hers when I whispered seriously, “Logan Junior doesn’t appreciate you laughing at him.” 

She snorted and wiggled free. Her arms pushing me playfully. 

“You’re so weird.” 

“I am who I am. Can’t change me, Sugar Puss...‘Insist on yourself; never imitate.’ You know who said that?” 

She shook her head.

“Ralph Waldo Emerson,” I told her. 

“Did you just quote an old dead guy to me?” 

I shrugged, “It’s kinda my thing. You’ll catch on.” I placed a kiss on the tip of her nose and traced her face with my fingertips. The gesture was more intimate than I would have liked, but with Veronica I broke rules I had set up for myself. She made me want to throw all my rules away and just run with whatever it was we were doing. 

But I wouldn’t. 

She yawned and stretched her arms above her head. 

“You tired?” 

She nodded. 

I ran to my dresser drawer and retrieved boxers and a tee shirt that I knew would go to her knees. She was much shorter than I was. She pulled them on and settled into the bed that looked like it had been through a natural disaster. The covers were strewn everywhere and the pillows lay disarray. 

I thought about turning off the light and leaving her to sleep alone, but I remembered how angry she had gotten when I tried escaping last time, so I turned the lights off and slid into the bed next to her. 

I don’t think either of us really knew what to do next. 

I mean, should we slap each other’s asses and say, “Good job! Can’t wait for the next round?” 

Kidding.

She was turned away from me on her side, and once her breathing became regular and slow, I knew she was asleep. I could have easily slipped away to spend the rest of the night on the couch. I had never, in all my years of sleeping with women,  _ slept  _ with one. Aside from Lilly, of course, but she had been the last and only relationship I had been in so she didn’t count. Even then, we did less sleeping because that woman had the stamina of a race horse. 

I had forgotten what it was like to have a small body lying next to you taking up half the bed. Her constant inhale and exhale was oddly relaxing, and I found myself drifting to sleep. Before I completely dozed off, I turned toward her and pulled her against me, wanting to feel her warmth and the softness of her skin against mine. I wanted to breathe in her distinct, sweet smell… It reminded me of marshmallows, which I thought was an odd scent for a perfume, but it worked on her. 

I closed my eyes and prayed that the demons wouldn’t come during the night like they so often did. I just wanted one, completely untainted night. Just one. That bitch called Life owed me at least that much. 

I focused my attention of Veronica’s breathing and the peace it brought me. The last thing I remembered thinking was,  _ Maybe she’s my happy ending,  _ before I let sleep take over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sad Beautiful Tragic" can be listened to here! ⤵
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmhOVonuOcU


	5. Begin Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, first let me say: I AM SO SORRY. I understand the anxiety of reading a WIP and having worries that it won't ever be completed or you'll have to wait for months for an update. BUT with that said I swear I have an excuse: I GOT A JOB! Like a full blown, big girl job. So things have been CRAZY on my end. Some of you may know that my husband and I recently moved (to another state in fact) and so it's been hectic to say the least.
> 
> Second on the agenda: This chapter is a bit longer, so maybe it makes up for the time you've waited? I hope so!
> 
> Third: You guys rock my world. Thank you for your continued support and love and kind words. I do it for you guys (and okay, maybe for me too... I enjoy it lol). 
> 
> xoxo, Britt

 

**Ten Years Earlier: Veronica**

 

I woke up with cotton mouth and in a bed that was way comfier than mine. My eyes peeked open and I remembered exactly whose room I was in. 

_ Logan _ . 

That explained the heavy arm draped across my waist. 

Once everything came back to me, I realized that his breath was falling on my neck, causing goosebumps to spread across my arms. With every exhale of warm air, I began to feel hopeful that I was more than a romp in Logan’s bed. More than a notch on his belt. 

This felt intimate. 

Part of me wanted to keep him against me like he was forever, but I had to pee and I needed to find toothpaste or mouthwash because there was no way in hell Logan was going to smell my morning breath. We weren’t at that level yet. 

Sliding out from underneath his arm, I crept to the door that he had indicated led to the bathroom. Once I was secured behind the door of the bathroom, I did my business and then went on my journey to find something to solve my breath situation. I opened his plethora of drawers and cabinets until I finally found mouthwash. I filled my mouth and began swishing it around. I watched myself in the mirror, curious to see if I would look any different than I had the day before. 

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting. Maybe a scarlett A branded on me now that I had casual sex with Logan. Whatever it was I was looking for, it wasn’t there. I looked the same, aside from my tousled morning hair and the light circles under my eyes caused from sleeping in my makeup. I spit the mouthwash into the sink and rinsed it down. I took a final look in the mirror. I noticed something else that was different. 

A smile. A genuine, pure smile. It was something I hadn’t realized was missing until this moment, but I was happy it was back. 

Sneaking back into the room, I found Logan still soundly sleeping in his bed. I in the sight of him for a second before sliding back in next to him. He was warm and I couldn’t help but find him adorable as he slept. There was a peace about him that he didn’t have when he was awake. I wondered why. He had everything a person could possibly imagine: money, family, friends… What could possibly be so bad in his life that caused him to hold such tension? 

He began to stir, and I knew my short moment of watching him was over. 

“Morning,” he mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut while he rubbed his hands through his morning shadow on his face. 

“Morning,” I replied quietly. The smile I had noticed in the bathroom was still firmly plastered on my face.

He peeped one eye open and returned my smile. “You sleep okay?”

“Yeah,” I stretched my arms above my head yawning, “Your bed is way more comfortable than my twin at home.” 

“Well, my bed is always ready at your service,” he returned. I saw the way he smirked. Finally he opened his eyes all the way and stared at me. “Why are you sitting? Lie down while I go brush my teeth.” 

I found myself snuggling into the down comforter, obeying him by lying down, and waited for his return which didn’t take too long. He quickly dove back into the bed next to me, but not in time for his morning wood to escape my notice. 

_ Down, girl,  _ I chastised myself when I felt the heat pooling between my legs. I was sore from the night before, and I wasn’t sure if I even had a second round left in me. 

I turned to face Logan, and he swept my hair out of my eyes and placed a soft kiss on my mouth. He tasted like peppermint and promises. 

“Sooo…” I breathed. I wasn’t exactly sure what we were supposed to talk about. 

“I want to take you out for coffee once we get back home,” was his reply. 

“Will I actually sit and enjoy said coffee? Last time I was whisked away—”

“You liked being whisked away, don’t lie. And yes. Coffee will be bought and we will drink it within the confines of Java the Hutt.” 

“Sounds like a date.” 

The words left my mouth before I could realize what I had said. I tried backpedaling, but it came out in sputtering and nonwords. 

“Veronica, relax. It’s a date.” 

“Really?” I squeaked. 

I hated how unsure he made me feel. With Duncan I was never worried about anything because I just kept myself silent and smiling. I knew what pushed his buttons (and his mom’s buttons) and stayed away from them. The plus side of that was that we hardly ever fought, but on the other hand I had never felt the weird connection with him that I was feeling with Logan. 

Maybe I was crazy. A connection with a stranger but not the man I had dated for five years?

Yeah, I had to be crazy. 

“Really,” he confirmed, breaking me from the doubts that were inevitably creeping in. 

I breathed a bit easier, knowing he wanted to actually take me out on a date. I felt less cheap. 

“So tell me,” he said as he brushed his thumb across my lower lip, his amber eyes shining with some hidden emotion I couldn’t quite place. “You having any regrets this morning? Because you can call this thing off whenever you want.” 

“No regrets.” 

It wasn’t a lie. 

“Good.” He gave me a small and short smile.

The silence overtook us as he continued to study my face as if it were the most interesting thing he had ever encountered. I wanted the attention off of myself so I asked, “What’s something about yourself that you’ve never told anyone?” 

My question caught him off guard and momentarily his thumb still against my cheek. He seemed a million miles away, but as quickly as he left he returned. “Veronica…” 

“It can be anything. It doesn't have to be too personal. Just give me something that nobody else has of you.” 

He gave me another peck on the mouth and whispered against it, “I had an imaginary pet when I was growing up.” 

The sharp inhale he took after his confession didn’t fit the light nature of the subject, so I knew there had to be more to the story than he was telling. 

“What kind of animal was it?” I asked equally as quiet as he had been. 

He pulled away from my mouth and rolled his eyes toward the headboard of his bed. “Dog.” 

He was closing off, and I could feel the tension he always held returning. 

“Did you not have any real pets?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Dad didn’t like the idea of having something to take care of something.” 

Again his words held truths that were hidden. I could sense there was so much more to the story than a little boy pretending to own a dog, but I let the subject drop. If he didn’t want to share his past with me, I wouldn’t force him.

“So what about you, Veronica? Any secrets that you wanna share?” 

I thought about his question for a moment. There were lots of things people didn’t know about me. The fact that I hated that my mom couldn’t love me more than she loved her liquor. The fact that my dad was unhappily married to Lianne because she was his true love when he was nothing more than someone who provided money and a home for her to live. I could tell him about the time that I caught my mom with another man in our house when I had come home early from school. I never told dad and she never found out that I knew she was cheating. There was also things about me personally that I could share. I could tell him that I hated being part of the popular crowd in high school. They were cruel and ignorant. I could tell him that I used to pray for bigger boobs because Madison Sinclair had once told me that I was a small chested slut that wouldn’t ever end up happily married. 

Small chested slut… Now looking back on it, I could find the irony in her words. Personally, I think she just really liked the word “slut.” Beside, I was far from being a “slut” in high school. I had dated one person and one person only. She was always jealous Duncan had chosen me over her. I was the girl with no money and no chest. In her mind it didn’t make sense why someone from the “nice part of town” like Duncan would choose me over someone like her. 

However, her comment about my breasts had seeped into my very being. I was still insecure about them. Funny how terrible people can chip pieces of you away and never think twice about it. 

“I want a tattoo,” I finally told him. 

The ‘humph’ he made sounded as though he didn’t believe me so I continued, “No really. I want a simple outline of three small waves.” 

He laced his fingers through mine and kissed them gently. “Why?”

“I guess because if I have waves on me, no matter where I end up, I’ll always have a piece of home with me. And oceans take us away. They lead us to somewhere new. So if I never leave this town, then I always have an adventure inked onto my skin.” 

I had thought about what I would get since I had turned eighteen. Lilly had wanted us to go get tattoos together, but I told her that until I knew what I wanted permanently inked into my skin, I wanted to wait. 

“You can’t stay here forever, Veronica. Don’t sell yourself short. If you want to leave, do it.” 

I wanted to tell him that I wished it were that simple. But I had my parents here… and then there was the money issue. Sure, dad made okay money from being the sheriff, but not nearly enough to send me on any sort of thrilling world experience. Once I graduated and could pay for a trip, I would. But until then, I was stuck here. 

“Yeah, someday.” 

It was the best I could offer. The only answer I had. 

“Where would you go? What would you see?” 

My heart began to race thinking of all the things I wanted to do. 

“First, I would see a Broadway show in New York. I don’t even care which one,” I paused to think and continued, “Then I would visit Europe. Starting with Italy and working my way up. I’ve always wanted to do one of those dumb photos where it looks like you’re leaning against The Tower of Pisa or holding the Eiffel Tower between your fingers.” 

My excitement got the better of me and the words came out rushed and full of enthusiasm. I should have been embarrassed to have gushed the way I did, but I wasn’t. 

“Well, let me warn you… Paris isn’t as gorgeous as you think it is. It’s kind of dirty. But the rest of those things are great.” 

Of course he had been to all of my dream destinations. And leave it to him to hate the ‘City of Love.’

“Do you just hate all things romantic?” I asked him. I was only partially kidding. 

“Because I didn’t like Paris? Okay, listen. We’ll go someday and I promise I’ll pretend to love it. Just for you.” 

We’d go someday? 

I knew it was a joke. He didn’t mean it, but I felt my heart sink a bit knowing that if I ever did go to Paris, he wouldn’t be the one next to me. 

I changed the subject before he could catch what he had said. “So tell me about your mom and dad. What was it like growing up with Aaron and Lynne?”

I felt him stiffen beside me. I had apparently asked the wrong question. 

“What’s there to say that hasn’t already been written in every magazine?” 

I guessed I could see where he was coming from, but I hadn’t ever paid any attention to magazines. I knew his dad had been some well-liked actor and his mom had done some theater and soap operas. But I didn’t care to ever look them up. Sometimes I would hear my mom talking to my dad about Logan Echolls getting into more trouble. Apparently before the Echolls moved to the East Coast when I was four, mom and dad had frequented their parties. Dad said he always liked Lynne, but mom maintained that they were all fake assholes. Other than those tidbits of information, I really didn’t know anything about them. 

“I don’t really read that trash,” I shrugged. He exhaled a slow and heavy breath. “I mean, I’m sure it’s all lies anyway… right?” 

“Right.”

He didn’t sound too convincing. 

“Do you not like your parents?” 

Okay… I was a nosy bitch. I always had been and always would be. I couldn’t help it. 

“I love my mom… even if she doesn’t make the best decisions half of the time. Dad… Let’s just say Aaron and I have our differences.” 

“Do your differences have anything to do with your scandalous behavior, Logan Echolls?” I joked. 

He didn’t find it funny. 

He changed the subject, “What about your parents? What are they like?” 

I was just going to pretend that I didn’t notice the diversion. If he didn’t want to talk about his parents, he would be happy to find I really didn’t either. 

“Uh… Dad is amazing. He works hard for our family. He always did his best to give me the best life he could. Mom…” What was I supposed to say about her? She was a drunk? She was a cheater? She barely noticed my existence from fifteen years old on? “Mom has her demons and they tend to get in the way of everything.” 

God that was way more personal than I had intended. 

“Demons, huh? Sounds like your mom would get along great with my folks.” He said it in a way that sounded like a flippant joke, but we both knew it wasn’t. 

“Sheesh, this got heavy… Is it just me or did we just dive straight into the deep end?” I joked back. 

“Maybe,” he whispered, “But something about jumping into the deep end with you feels a lot less like drowning and a lot more like floating.”

* * *

 

**Present: Logan**

 

I gave Veronica exactly two days before I contacted her again. I thought two days was plenty of time for her to think over what I had said. If she still wanted to give this friends things a shot that would be great, if not I wouldn’t exactly blame her. But much to my luck and pleasure, I found that she was still on board for getting to know each other again. 

Seeing how our date had been on a Friday, I had given her the weekend to digest everything. We were both back at work on Monday, eliminating any chance at a lunch date. 

It was the Monday before Thanksgiving, and Duncan had given most of our employees the week off. Generous bastard. If it had been up to me, Tom, Dick, and Harry would have been working until Wednesday night. It was just Thanksgiving for chrissakes. How much time did people need for food preparation? But Duncan had insisted, citing some stupid statistic about happy employees working harder. 

Without most of the office on their extended holiday, I was visited with silence when I walked through the doors of our building. The security guard nodded in my direction, with his mouth in a firm line. Apparently he didn’t appreciate the fact that he had been overlooked when time off had been handed out. 

Once I got to the floor where my office was located, I found that our secretary (whose name always slipped my mind because I didn’t have time to familiarize myself with every damn employee we hired) was sitting in her usual spot behind her desk. 

“Morning Mr. Echolls,” she smiled warmly as I passed her. She looked like somebody’s grandma. The kind of grandma who baked cookies and gave good hugs. I never had that kind of grandmother, so maybe I tried avoiding this woman out of spite. My therapist would have a field day analyzing that. She always liked trying to figure out my fucked up self.  

My assistant, Janet, was already sitting at her desk, looking very concerned as she typed away on her laptop. 

“Jan,” I nodded as I entered my office. 

“Echolls,” was her return. 

Janet was in her early twenties and originally started as an intern at our company while she attended business school. At first I had been intrigued by the piercings and purple hair, angry that someone thought they could show up to an internship looking the way she did. But Janet was a hard worker, and she instantly was my favorite intern. Once her internship was complete, I had urged her to become my PA. 

Janet, or Jan as I called her, was a beautiful girl even if she wasn’t my type. I had eyes and even I could admit when I was in the presence of a gorgeous woman. She didn’t have the purple hair anymore. Now it was a light gray, but her double nose piercing and tongue piercing (along with the many holes in her ears) were still there. How did I know about the tongue piercing? Let’s just say the Christmas party two years ago had been a little wild. 

She was an amazing PA, and I was constantly worried she would realize her talent was being wasted away on me, but she had never attempted to leave. For that I was immensely glad because aside from our drunken encounter in the stairwell during our annual Christmas party, we had never had any sort of sexual chemistry. She was a hard worker, and I was her boss. We kept it platonic… and it was difficult for me to find a woman to just be friends with. She was one of the few people who knew my skeletons in my closet and the demons that I tried to hide. She was a good employee but an even greater friend. 

I sat at my desk where a hot coffee was already waiting for me, thanks to Jan. 

“Hey, Logan, you have a few emails that required your personal attention so I forwarded those,” Jan told me as she poked her head into my office. 

“Thanks.” I took a rather large sip of the coffee. The heat burned as it slid down my throat and caused tears to spring to the corner of my eyes. 

Jan stayed at the door watching me for a moment. I knew she had something else to tell me but was trying to determine whether I was in a mood. 

“Just tell me,” I told her pointedly. I didn’t have time for bullshit today. 

So I guess I  _ was  _ in a mood. 

The wince she gave me made me feel a little bad for how I had spoken to her.

“Uh… It’s about Aaron…” her voice trailed off when my shoulders stiffened at the sound of my dad’s name. “You know if it wasn’t important I wouldn’t bring it up,” she sighed. 

It was the truth. She knew how much I avoided any talk about my parents. 

“What’s going on?” I finally asked after giving myself a few more seconds of peace. 

“He knows you went on a date with Veronica.” 

I had worried that he would find out, I had just hoped it wouldn’t be this soon. I needed more time to spend with her before shit hit the fan. 

“Did he call?” I asked. 

“It’s one of the emails I forwarded.” 

He had fucking emailed me? He didn’t even have the decency to threaten me in person let alone a phone call? 

“Thanks, Jan. I got it.” She nodded and turned and walked away. 

Taking a deep breath I loaded the email that was from my dad, and quickly read what he had written. 

**_Son, we need to talk about your date._ **

**_Call me as soon as you’re in the office._ **

**_-Aaron_ **

If I had been in a bad mood this morning, my dad’s request for my phone call furthered the annoyance and anger I already had boiling. 

I dialed his number slowly, trying to buy myself some time to decide how to approach this. Years ago I had been a scared little boy. Sure I had hated my dad years ago, but I knew better than to cross him. I had seen what he did to people who went against him. 

Now? Well, now I was a grown man who co-owned a Fortune 500 company. Dad could go to hell. I wasn’t his little puppet any longer and if he thought he could—

_ “Logan,” _ my dad’s gruff voice answered the phone on the third ring. 

“You requested my attention?” 

_ “I think we both know why that is….”  _ He paused and said something to someone who must have been around him on his end.  _ “How was Veronica?”  _

“Good,” was my curt response. He wouldn’t scare me away from her. Not this time. 

_ “Now I could be wrong, so correct me if I am, but I thought we already had a discussion about Veronica Mars… about ten years ago, was it?”  _

I could remember that “discussion” like it was yesterday. 

“I’m not young and easily persuaded now, Dad. I’ve already gotten my trustfund—”

_ “Ahh… I thought maybe you’d grown some balls. So I have already come up with a list of reasons as to why you’ll end this thing with Veronica… again _ . _ ”  _

His words sent a chill down my spine. Clutching my phone closer to my ear, I waited for his list.

_ “I can still divorce your mother like I said I would all those years ago. I can pull my company’s investment in Echane Holdings….” _ His pause was for my benefit. So I could try to argue his points. I was always stupid enough to fall for his democratic parenting bullshit. 

“Do it. I can take care of Mom now… and my company doesn’t need you and your investment.” 

I could definitely do the first thing, but I was lying when I said that Echane would be fine without Echolls Estates. Duncan would murder my ass if we lost that investment. 

_ “Again, I had a feeling you’d play hero and be a stubborn idiot about my company’s investments so I have a third reason, Logan. Listen and listen carefully.” _

I should have seen another more damaging threat coming. He always kept the best for last. 

_ “I’ll tell Veronica about Jeffrey.”  _

A lump formed in my throat and it made it hard for me to get out what I said next. 

“She wouldn’t care.” 

It was a lie. A complete lie. I never wanted her to find out about him. 

_ “What would she say if she knew about him? You really don’t think she’d care that you’re keeping him a secret?” _

“I’ve never even met him, Dad.” 

It was true. When I had found out about Jeffrey, I had been in a bad place in life. Although I paid for him, and was still paying for him, I hadn’t ever wanted to meet him. 

_ “Something tells me Veronica won’t care if you’ve met him or not. But keeping her from the truth… that might be another story.” _

He was right. Of course he was right. 

_ “I’ll give you some time to maul all of this over, Son. I’ll be in contact soon.” _

I didn’t reply. I couldn’t, my mouth was dry and my head was spinning. 

_ “And Son? I suggest making the right choice.”  _

And with that the line went dead. Just like my hopes for a second chance with Veronica. 

That thing I had said about Fate being a bitch? 

She was still a bitch.

* * *

 

**Ten Years Earlier: Logan**

 

Veronica and I had ventured back to Neptune after one more round of sex in my dad’s L.A. apartment. A lazy smile didn’t leave Veronica’s face until we pulled in front of her place. It was then that a frown had formed. I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but instead gave a quick peck on her cheek before she scurried out of the car. 

Wednesday we had a coffee date where I actually allowed her to sit and enjoy it. Although if it had been up to me, we would have forgone the iced mochas and went straight to my suite for…  _ dessert _ . 

Two weeks after we had made our arrangement, I found myself at Duncan’s parent’s house in Neptune. He was throwing a pool party and needed help getting set up. I tried reminding him we, the lucky people of the world, had people we could hire to do that shit, but he laughed me off saying he wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. 

_ No shit, you bastard,  _ I wanted to say. I almost brought up the fact that cheating definitely qualified as getting dirty, but refrained from doing so because he didn’t know I had been the one to inform his ex-girlfriend about his unfaithful ass. 

“Logan, this is Meg,” Duncan said smiling as his little blonde weakness walked through the doors of the Kane house. 

“We’ve met,” I replied flatly. Meg’s smile faltered, but Duncan’s completely vanished. 

When he pulled me aside he hissed, “What the  _ hell  _ is your problem, Logan?”

“Gee, I don’t know DK… Maybe the fact that you broke up with your girlfriend and less than a week later you were banging Meg again.” 

I watched as a vein in his forehead strained under his angry gaze. 

“What are you implying?”

Personally, I hadn’t meant to imply anything, but apparently his guilty conscious didn’t realize that. 

“Is there something you’re not telling me,  _ best friend _ ?” 

“I was faithful to Veronica, if that’s what you’re trying to imply,” he lied. He looked me straight in the eyes as he did it, and I wanted nothing more than to punch him in his fucking face. 

“Is that so?” I pressed. 

He turned the tables when he said, “And it’s not like you have the greatest track record with sleeping with women, Logan. So let’s not forget who the real asshole is.” 

He was cussing… he must have been really pissed off at my supposed accusation. 

“Maybe I’m sick and tired of that sort of thing,” I muttered. 

Even if he had been right, and I normally wouldn’t have cared that he was practically calling me a manwhore, something had changed these past two weeks. I didn’t like the fact that I had put off being with someone other than a casual hookup. 

Especially because I was pretty positive I had found someone I could see myself growing old with. 

Shit. I hadn’t realized how far gone for Veronica I was. 

Duncan gave a haughty laugh and slapped me on the back, “Sure.” He didn’t believe me. I was still his playboy best friend. Little did he know his Veronica had apparently cured me of that. 

No, not  _ his  _ Veronica. 

_ My  _ Veronica. 

“Let’s just get this stupid party started,” I grumbled as I shrugged his hand off my back. “Who’s all coming to this thing anyway?”

“The usual… Casey, Dick, and that whole gang.”

“Your sister gonna be showing up? Or is this a sausage fest?” 

Duncan rolled his eyes at me as we continued to make our way out back where Meg was lying on one of the pool chairs. Briefly I wondered where their kid was at, but I didn’t really care to find out. 

“Lilly hasn’t talked to me since the breakup.” His voice lowered so only I could hear him. 

“Why?”

I knew why, I just wanted to see him squirm some more. 

“Veronica’s her best friend. Why do you think?”

“But Veronica broke up with you… so why would she care?”

“Women are weird?” was his half-assed response. 

“I can toast to that!” came a loud, obnoxious voice from behind us. 

I turned to see Dick lifting his can of beer over his head, clearly already intoxicated. 

“What are we toasting to?” Meg asked while raising her glass. It appeared to have water in it. I found that weird for about five seconds, but brushed it off due to her usual good girl act. 

“Women are weird, Meg!” Dick called back lifting his beer over his head. The contents sloshed out and down his arm. 

Meg’s confused face trailed between Duncan and I. Duncan, like a dog with its tail between its legs, jogged to her chair and gave her a quick kiss. I could barely hear her ask which woman we were talking about when Lilly’s voice broke through the loud music Dick and just started playing. 

“The party can begin! Lilly Kane is in the house!” she laughed. I spun to find her with a shit eating grin. Her newest boy toy had his large arm draped around her shoulder. Clearly he was a bro… the kind who lifted every day and drank protein shakes like they were going out of style. But it was the small blonde that trailed timidly behind that really caught my attention. 

“Veronica!” Meg smiled. She lept from the lounging chair to rush past me and to Veronica. When she threw her arms around Veronica like they were best friends, Lilly’s brows furrowed. I’m sure mine did too, but I was too shocked from the weird greeting to comprehend anything but Veronica’s wide eyes. 

“Hey, Meg,” Veronica replied awkwardly. Her arms didn’t leave her sides. If Meg had sensed the weird tension that surrounded them, she didn’t act like it. Instead she grabbed Veronica’s hand and led her toward the outside bar where the drinks were located. 

Lilly made her way to me and whispered, “Well that was fucking weird.” 

I grunted in agreement and found my way to Duncan who was busy throwing inflated chairs into the massive infinity pool. 

“So… did you notice your current girlfriend attacking your ex? Why  _ is  _ Veronica here?” I prayed my voice didn’t betray me. It wasn’t that I wasn’t excited to see my new favorite blonde, but her appearance had caught me off guard. 

You would have thought I told Duncan that the second coming of Jesus Christ was happening the way he whipped his head up. His eyes looked crazy. 

“Veronica’s here? Where?!”

“With Meg getting a drink.” I nodded my head in the direction the girls had gone. He craned his neck to see where I was directing his attention. 

“Freaking Lilly… How did she find out about the party? Did you tell her?” he accused me. 

Now I was pissed. 

“No… maybe she found out because it’s at your parents’ home? Does it really matter? Meg and Veronica seemed to be okay.”

That was partially true. While Meg had acted like Veronica was her long lost sister, Veronica was clearly uncomfortable.

Duncan mumbled something under his breath, but didn’t attempt to leave his pool party duties. So I left him with the blow up flamingo and chairs. I didn’t have time for damage control. That was usually his ammo. We all knew Duncan was the stable one in the group, but shit, when he decided to screw things up he sure went full force. 

Veronica had joined Lilly and Lilly’s man with a drink in her hand. Meg had gone back to sunbathing as if her boyfriend’s ex girlfriend wasn’t hanging out less than five feet away. 

I halted my journey toward the group. I wasn’t sure if Veronica would mind me being around her. We hadn’t really thought this secret affair thing through. Did we act like we knew each other? Lilly did know we had gone on a date… 

“Logan!” Lilly hissed as she waved at me like a maniac. Taking a deep breath I made my way over to them. When I was joined the small group, Lilly looked around and whispered, “Do you know who’s supposed to be at this thing? Because if it’s just us, Dick, and the gross duo we should split.” 

“Duncan said something about everyone being here,” I shrugged. I really couldn’t afford to ditch this dumb party, even if every part of my being was screaming to take Lilly up on her offer. 

“Fine,” Lilly huffed before taking a sip of her drink, “I’ll give it a few more minutes.” 

Veronica stood quietly, sipping from the red solo cup she was holding. I caught her eyes wander in my direction a few times. I wondered if she could feel the buzz of anticipation that was surrounding us. My body yearned to have contact with her. I wanted to hold her hand. Brush her hair behind her ear. Kiss her soft lips. God, I would have done anything just to touch her. 

I found my opportunity when a second wave of party guests joined us outside. Casey and several people who I didn’t recognize. To be fair, I didn’t know many people. Dick, Casey, and Dick’s little brother Cassidy were usually the only ones who joined Duncan and I when we surfed while I was on a yearly visit to California. 

Veronica must have sensed our chance to get away because she whispered something to Lilly who nodded and pulled her boy toward the group. 

When they were out of earshot, I raised an eyebrow and asked, “What did you say to get her to leave your side?” 

“I told her that Casey had been asking about her new boyfriend. Apparently they’re both American Literature majors.” Her words seemed simple enough, but it was the devilish smile that made my heart flutter. 

“Was Casey actually asking about him?” 

Her eyes flickered something mischievous. “No.” 

A thick silence fell on us as we watched each other. Neither of us sure how to go about this fling we had in front of all of our friends. 

Clearing my throat I nodded toward her drink, “What’s your poison?” 

Her ocean colored eyes drifted down to her cup. “Not sure… hopefully not  _ real  _ poison… considering who it came from.” 

“Nah, I don’t think Meg has is in her to harm anyone… I think little bluebirds braid her hair in the morning.” 

This caused Veronica to laugh her wonderful laugh, the one I lived to hear. 

“It’s funny you should say that. I just told Lilly that a few minutes ago.” 

“Great minds think alike,” I shrugged, but secretly I was thrilled to find out she and I had thought the same thing. 

It took all of ten minutes before the party was in a full blown rager status. The music Dick had put on was blaring through the expensive speakers the Kanes had installed, and the alcohol was flowing. As each minute ticked by, more people showed up. Apparently people were curious about Duncan throwing a party. He was normally the one who attended but never started. He usually had his sister to take care of the planning. But ever since he had jumped tracks from straight and narrow to jackass, he had apparently decided to change that persona. 

“I can’t believe DK threw a party. Like how weird is that?” Dick yelled into my ear drunkenly. 

“Yeah, it’s definitely not like him,” I agreed less enthusiastically. I was buzzed and not in the mood for Dick. The dude, not the body part, but then again I wasn't in the mood for that either. To be honest I wasn’t in the mood for anything, but Veronica.

“It’s like one of Shelly Pomroy’s parties in high school tonight!” 

I wouldn’t have known. Apparently Dick had forgotten that while they partied here on warm beaches in high school, I was freezing my ass off in New York.

When Dick realized he wouldn’t be getting any good conversation out of me, he shimmied his way over to a group of bikini clad girls. When I say shimmied. He actually danced toward the girls. They all giggled and blushed, and for a second I wondered what in the hell I was doing here. 

But then I felt a hand brush against my arm and remembered when I turned to see the most gorgeous woman staring back at me. 

“Hey Mars, you having fun?” I asked. 

“It’s less awkward with everyone here,” she admitted. 

I couldn’t help but notice she was extremely sober. Her eyes were clear and her face glowing. 

“You weren’t lying when you said you weren’t much of a drinker.” 

“I like having control of my body.” 

I couldn’t fault her for that, but something told me there was more to her reasoning than she was telling me. But this was a party, I could always ask her when we were alone in bed. 

Fuck, I wanted to be alone in bed with her at that very moment. Forget this party and our dumb friends. As each day passed, we had limited time with each other. I was leaving in a little over three weeks, and I didn’t want to waste a single second. 

The music was cut off and everyone’s conversation stopped as we looked toward the cause of the disruption. It was Lilly Kane with a devious smile and her hands on her hips. 

“Okay, so listen up bitches! What’s a Kane party without a little drinking game?” Lilly shouted. 

People whooped and hollered, but Veronica groaned beside me. 

“What? You don’t like her drinking games?” I laughed. When her eyes reached mine, I wondered if I should be worried. 

“So!” Lilly continued, “Break into groups of eight! I’ll be around to pass the drinks to those who don’t have one already!” 

With that the crowd began breaking into their groups. I was amazed at the power Lilly held over her friends. What Lilly wanted, Lilly got. 

“Wanna join my group?” I asked jokingly as I pulled Veronica toward Duncan and Meg. Lilly’s boyfriend was standing with them. If I was going to do a stupid drinking game, I was going to make sure I was with people I knew. 

It was when Duncan’s eyes landed on my hand holding Veronica’s that I remembered the tension from earlier. But I had several drinks already coursing through me, and I couldn’t find myself to care what Duncan thought. 

“Okay, so that’s six people,” Meg smiled as we approached. Her eyes found our hands entwined, and her smile became even brighter. At least someone was Team Logan. “We need two more…” She turned her attention away from our group and scouted for two more people to join us. “Hey! You two come join us!” 

Veronica went rigid next to me when she saw who Meg had called over. I recognized Casey, but I wasn’t sure who the girl was. Some blonde who looked stuck up. 

“Ver- _ ron _ -ica Mars. I’m surprised you’re here,” the girl smirked. 

“I’m not surprised you’re here, Madison. Are you trying to find the next richest bachelor to latch onto since Duncan is taken again?” Veronica bit back.

Whoa. My girl had her claws out. 

“We can go to another group,” I whispered into Veronica’s ear. But our chance to get away was shot down by Lilly returning to our group.

“Well, this shouldn’t be weird at all,” Lilly giggled. It was clear that she had one too many drinks in her system. She stepped up onto a chair to address the party. “Okay! So our first game is truth or dare! I mean, come on. How much more of a throwback can we get than that!” She let out another drunk giggle. “Remember that one time when Shelly and Madison kissed? _Gawd_ , that was hilarious. Okay! Have fun! Once everyone has had a chance to do a truth or dare we’ll switch things up!” 

Lilly jumped off the chair and motioned for us to sit down in a circle. Veronica was still tense from her run-in with Madison so I pulled her closer to me and kept my arm wrapped around her waist, too drunk to care what people might be assuming. 

“Everyone grab a cup,” Lilly ordered pointing to the center of the circle where red plastic cups were filled to the brim with something. I prayed it was beer because nothing good could come from that much hard alcohol. 

I reached for two cups, one for me and one for Veronica. When Veronica took her cup from me, I noticed how her smile didn’t reach her eyes. She didn’t want to be here. 

“Great!” Lilly clapped her hands together. While Veronica was dying to leave, Lilly was like a kid in a candy store. Her excitement for the drama that was inevitably about to begin had my blood boiling. I loved Lilly to death, but she was such a bitch sometimes. “Brady,” Lilly grinned as she turned to her boyfriend, “Truth or dare?” 

We all watched as Brady tried to decide what he would choose. I couldn’t blame him, I wouldn’t want Lilly Kane in charge of my truth or dare. I could only imagine what kind of shit she would start. 

“Uh, dare… I guess?” 

This pleased Lilly. “Good choice, love.” She turned to Veronica and winked, completely oblivious to her friend’s discomfort. “Okay, Brady. I dare you to do a line of the coke that Shawn brought with him.” 

What. The. Fuck. 

I had done drugs before… hell, I had done a line of coke before. I was a wild child in high school. But it wasn’t something you exactly dared someone to do during some childish game of Truth or Dare. 

If I had been horrified, Brady seemed unfazed. 

“Where is it?” was his answer. 

Again I felt Veronica tense beside me. But this time she wasn’t the only one who felt uncomfortable. I looked around to see what everyone else was thinking. The Madison girl was messing with her nails, Meg was playing with the hem of her dress while Duncan was smiling like an idiot. Casey made eye contact with me, and I knew he was thinking the same thing as me. 

“Maybe we shouldn’t do drugs?” Meg said quietly. Her statement was directed at Duncan beside her, but Lilly’s eyes narrowed in her direction. 

“Nobody is asking you to do them, Princess.” 

“Jesus, Lilly,” I breathed. “Leave her alone. She makes a good point.” 

“Oh! That’s gold coming from you!” 

I stiffened. While I knew this thing with Veronica wasn’t serious, I didn’t exactly want her to think I was some loser… even if it was partially true. I liked the ignorance Veronica and I lived in, and I knew being around the people who had seen me at my worst could only destroy our little bubble. 

“Lilly, chill,” Duncan said as he rolled his eyes. He then turned to Meg, “Babe, it’s okay. Just relax.” 

Meg nodded, but I knew she was pissed. 

Once Brady had completed his task, he turned to Lilly. “Truth or dare, Lilly?” 

“Oh, no… Sorry, but that’s not how we play here.” 

Duncan laughed and Veronica shifted beside me. 

“At Kane parties, Lilly is the host of Truth or Dare,” Duncan explained. “We all have to do what Lilly comes up with. We decided that because she is queen of drinking games.” 

“So who asks Lilly??” Brady countered. I thought he made a fair point. 

“That’s the best part, lover! I always have a dare, and you all get to decide what my dare is after everyone has taken their turns.” 

“Can we just get on with this dumb game?” Madison asked pointedly. 

Lilly turned her attention to Casey, who chose truth. He had to admit he had the hots for one of his high school teachers. Madison chose dare, she had to strip and jump into the pool. She declined and had to chug her drink instead. When Lilly’s attention fell to Meg, Meg chose truth. 

“Did you know Duncan was banging you while he was still dating Veronica?” 

The group fell silent, along with two other groups sitting near enough to hear the question. 

“Lilly,” Veronica warned. It was the first time she had spoken up since we sat down. “Meg, you don’t have to—”

“Yes. I did,” Meg said, cutting Veronica off. I watched Veronica take a deep breath, but she didn’t budge from my side. Rather, she snuggled closer. 

“Who would have known you had a bad girl living inside of you, Meg,” Lilly laughed. I didn’t like how she almost seemed impressed. Because if I had caught onto it, so had Veronica. 

“Truth or dare Duncan?” Lilly turned toward her brother. 

“Dare.”

“Because you’re afraid of what I’ll ask?” Lilly questioned. 

“Dare, Lil.” 

“Oh, Donut,” she tsked. “Fine, I dare you to make the announcement you’ve been keeping a secret.” 

“Goddammit, Lilly,” Duncan cursed. 

We all watched as he ran his hands through his hair like a maniac. 

“I was hoping to talk to you guys separately… and privately, but Meg and I are expecting… again.” 

And if Veronica had any light left in her, it left after that announcement. But like the badass I knew she was, she held her ground and didn’t run away from the huge asshole that had just broken her heart for the second time in less than a month. 

But as I watched her examine the contents of her cup, I couldn’t help but feel the sinking feeling in my stomach. 

She still loved him. 

But then a second wave of realization ran through me. 

I wanted her to love _ me _ .

* * *

 

**Ten Years Earlier: Veronica**

 

I knew that agreeing to come to this party was a bad idea. As I sat next to Logan who had been nothing but amazing to me, I couldn’t help but feel the sting of betrayal from Duncan’s announcement. 

I wanted to ask how far along she was. I wanted to ask if he had known the night of my birthday. I wanted to ask Meg if she knew he had been planning to propose to me. 

But all these questions came to a halt when Logan’s hand found mine. It was as if the reassuring squeeze he gave me sent a bolt of life through me. I didn’t need to worry about Meg and Duncan. Why would I want a man that obviously cared so little about me? 

But the thought of him having unprotected sex with another woman while he was still sleeping with me, made my stomach coil. It felt too intimate. Like together they had stolen a piece of me I would never get back. 

“Veronica, we can go,” Logan whispered into my ear. His voice was full of concern, but I wasn’t going to run away. I wasn’t going to let them win this weird game we were playing. 

“I’m okay,” I whispered back. He searched my face as if he didn’t believe me. Hell, I wasn’t sure if I believed myself either. 

“If you’re sure.” 

If I hadn’t had him with me, I was pretty sure I would have already fled the party hours ago. But there was something comforting about having Logan with me. 

“You’re drunk,” I replied. I wasn’t exactly sure why, out of everything floating through my mind, that was what I decided to say. The heavy tension that had built around us, came crashing down as he smiled and laughed. 

“A little, yeah.”

This time I laughed… over the absurdity of it all. My ex boyfriend had just announced he was having a kid with the girl he had cheated on me with, yet here I was trying to regulate my heart rate due to the closeness of Logan Echolls. 

“Aren’t you two cute?” Madison spat. 

For once I wished she would just shut up. Everyone’s eyes fell onto Logan and I. As they took the sight of us in, I was sure they couldn’t help but notice my hand in his or the way that I was practically halfway on his lap. 

“Thank you,” Logan saluted. I sighed, closing my eyes. He didn’t know what he had just admitted to. 

“What? Are you guys like a thing?” Lilly asked. Her normally cheerful voice sounded hurt and shrill. 

I opened my eyes and found Lilly’s questioning ones. 

“No,” I lied. 

“Veronica, truth or dare?” Lilly countered.

Shit. 

“Dare,” I replied. There was no way in hell I was admitting anything to these people. 

“Kiss Logan.” 

All the supposed fun of the game had been ripped away. Her voice was low and demanding. I should have known better. I couldn’t lie to my best friend without her finding out. 

“Lilly, he’s your ex—”

“Kiss him, Veronica! If you’re telling the truth, it’s just an innocent game, right?” 

I looked to Duncan who was now watching us with a venomous look. Like that bastard had any reason to feel angry. 

I slowly turned to face Logan. 

“You don’t have to do it,” he told me softly. In that moment, I hated him for being so perfect. Why couldn’t he be an ass? Then I could pretend like this kiss meant nothing to me. But I knew that as soon as my lips met his, our secret would be out. I couldn’t pretend with him. 

“Kiss me, Logan,” I whispered so only he could hear me. 

When our lips touched, it was a feather soft kiss. But he went in for a second and third kiss. He tasted sweet like the alcohol he had been drinking. By the fourth kiss he had me drunk on him. I had almost forgotten that people were watching. But the, “WHAT THE FUCK, LOGAN!” had made it a little hard to ignore our audience.

Logan pushed me away and stared up at Duncan was now at his feet. 

“Bro, it was a dare,” Logan said throwing his hands up in defense. 

“Was it, though?” Lilly argued. I couldn’t find the courage to look at her. 

Logan jumped to his feet as Duncan charged at him. 

“Duncan, stop!” Meg cried before all hell broke loose. 

I wasn’t sure who threw the first punch, and I don’t remember getting pulled away from the scuffle. But Lilly’s heated words brought me back to reality. 

“What is going on?!” she yelled. 

“I… I don’t know what to say… We… Logan and I…”

“So this is actually happening?” Lilly pushed. 

“It’s not serious. We fooled around,” I said finding my voice. I was sick and tired of people pushing me around. 

“I don’t even care that it’s happening, it’s the fact that you didn’t tell me… I thought you told me everything?” 

I knew she was hurt. Lilly wasn’t someone who usually showed her true emotions. She kept her cool, she was the ice queen of California. But standing in front of me at that moment, she was just a girl who had been caught off guard by her best friend’s secret. 

“I’m sorry, Lils… I didn’t know how to tell you…”

“How long?”

“What?”

“How long have you guys been…  _ fooling around _ ?” 

“Two weeks ago,” I admitted. 

The hurt in Lilly’s face echoed the sound in her voice when she asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

I took in a steadying breath. I was full of guilt and for the first time since Logan and I had started our fling, I regretted it. 

“I don’t know, but I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, me too, Veronica.” We looked at each other for what seemed like forever. Trying to figure out what each person was thinking. But with a sigh Lilly finally broke our silence, “I need to make sure that none of the guys have killed each other.” 

Shit. Logan. 

I rushed after her, and when we got back to the party, we found Logan and Duncan sitting on chairs with ice packs. Meg was standing over Duncan like a momma hen, while Logan was nursing his bloody knuckles alone. He looked up to find me, but it was Lilly who kept me grounded where I was. 

She was my best friend. Could I really risk our friendship for Logan Echolls? 

“Go… go help him,” Lilly breathed next to me. “I’m still pissed, but he looks like a lost puppy without you.” 

She gave me an eyeroll and a reassuring smile before I headed to where Logan was wincing in pain. 

“You know,” I said, kneeling beside him. I took his ice pack from his hands and pressed it against his eye that was swelling. “The best way to show you care about a girl is to beat up her ex.” 

His eyes brightened at my words. My heart was beating so fast and so hard that I could hear the thudding in my ears. 

“Had to defend your honor,” he mumbled with a shy smile.

“Well, I hope I was worth it when you wake up tomorrow and can’t open your eye.” 

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” His words were low and soft like velvet. I wanted to close my eyes and hear him say it again and again. I wanted to roll around in his words and his voice. 

I was worth the black eye and the torn knuckles. 

I had to be incredibly fucked up if I was turned on by a man doing violent things to my ex. But there I was, a throb between my legs and a buzz running through my veins. 

“Wanna get outta here?” I asked quietly. This time I was given a beautiful, full smile. 

“Your place or mine?” he joked. 

“Yours,” I told him.

He nodded and stood, taking my hand as he did. He thought I was talking about going home to his suite. 

But what I meant was,  _ I’m yours _ . 

And I was. Completely and terrifyingly his. 


	6. Holy Ground

**Ten Years Earlier: Logan**

 

When I woke up the morning after the pool party, I felt as though a freight train had run me over… multiple times. My head pounded from the hangover I was sure I deserved, and my eye wouldn’t open. But the worst thing that I felt was the guilt and dread over remembering what had transpired the night before. 

They knew. Duncan, Lilly, all of their friends. They all knew that I had been with Veronica.

_ Veronica. _

The thought of her had me jumping up ready to call her to try to apologize. But when I did, I found a small arm tucked around my middle. She was there, looking like an angel. A confused and slightly dazed angel who had been just been pulled from her dreams by a madman, which in that moment, I guess I probably looked like one.

“Logan?” She pushed her messy hair out of her eyes and squinted at me. 

“Sorry… I was going to call you,” I told her before I helped push the rest of her hair out of her face. I leaned toward her and pressed my lips against her forehead before pulling back to continue my admiration of her gorgeous face. Her eyes that I could drown in, her nose made for my kisses, and those lips... God those lips.

Her smile had my breath catching and my head spinning. 

“Why?” she asked with a small chuckle. “I’m right here.”

I was surprised when my cheeks warmed from a blush that I was sure was spreading across my cheeks. I never blushed. I was Logan Fucking Echolls for chrissake.

“Uh…” I wasn’t sure how to say what I needed to say. How was one supposed to apologize for possibly screwing up someone’s friendships over a hookup? 

“You feeling okay? You eye looks like shit,” she said before I had a chance at offering an apology. 

“You sure know how to boost a man’s ego,” I joked back. It sounded lame and I kicked myself for even bothering. 

Her small laugh gave me a reassuring squeeze. She wasn’t pissed like I thought she would be. 

“I think your ego is just fine… Last night—”

“About last night,” I cut her off, “I’m so sorry, Veronica. I didn’t mean for everything to get out of hand like that.” 

I waited and watched as she gathered her thoughts. I could tell she felt conflicted. Though her smile remained, her eyes danced through the different emotions I was sure she was feeling. 

“It’s okay,” she finally told me. I breathed a bit easier. I say breathed easier, but in reality each breath was hard and labored due to my bruised ribs that I had received on behalf of Duncan’s fists. The fucking bastard. 

“So what does that mean for us?” I asked her. I felt like a selfish asshole, hoping she would still want to continue whatever it was we were doing. She had just been humiliated in front of her friends and ex and had every right to dump my sorry ass. 

“Well, I hope it means that we can still fool around… and now it’s not a secret which makes it easier, right?” 

I hated the sound of hesitancy in her voice. As if I would deny her. She had no fucking clue what she did to me, what she meant to me. 

“Right,” I confirmed quickly, pulling her up so she sat in front of me. It was then that I realized she was in nothing but one of my tees. My dick stirred excitedly, and I tried to warn him that this was not the fucking time. 

“Lilly gave us her blessing,” she told me quietly, her beautiful lips curling up ever so slightly. 

“Well, shit, if the queen herself gave the blessing…” I laughed before kissing the corners of her perfect mouth. 

“Mmmm,” was all Veronica said in response, and I knew she wanted me as much as I wanted her in that moment. 

I took the chance and let my mouth wander to hers. At first our kiss was exploratory, but when she ran her tongue across my lower lip, I let out a groan. She slipped her tongue into my mouth as soon as I did, and I was about to deepen our kiss when she pushed me back. 

“Shit! Stop. Wait right here.” She jumped out of the bed like a crazy person on a mission. 

“What? Why?” 

“I have to brush my teeth.” 

I wanted to laugh because only Veronica could resist our sexual tension because of personal hygiene. Hell, I would have laughed if my dick hadn’t been hard as a rock. I just wanted her. I didn’t care if she thought she tasted bad. Nothing about her could ever be gross to me. 

“Veronica…” It came out like a moan, and she giggled before running toward the bathroom of my suite. 

“One second!” she called over her shoulder. 

Well, if she was going to ruin the moment with her brushing of teeth, I might as well join her. 

I pulled myself out of the bed reluctantly, and found my boxers tenting. This woman was going to kill me. I was just glad that my shirt was where it belonged: on me. I couldn’t chance the conversation that would inevitably happen if she saw what hid underneath.

“You better not be using my toothbrush, Mars!” I laughed. I lazily made my way to the bathroom where I found Veronica looking at me through the mirror. As she brushed her teeth... with my damn toothbrush. I rolled my eyes at her, and waited for her to finish so I could brush my teeth. 

When she was done, she handed me the toothbrush hestitantly. 

“That’s nasty. Using that after me.” 

I growled. “Well, that’s funny coming from the girl who just stole someone else’s toothbrush.” 

She wiggled her eyebrows playfully, and sauntered out of the bathroom leaving me to my thoughts. 

I was too deep in with her. I found myself excited that we were doing domestic things together like brushing our teeth. It sounded dumb, and I knew that, but for the first time in my life since Lilly, I could see myself settling down with a girl and it excited me. I was ready to stop being a stupid asshole who slept around and wasted his time on temporary highs. 

Because Veronica was anything but temporary. 

When I was done, I threw my toothbrush on the counter and jogged back to my bed where I found a very naked Veronica smiling as though she thought she was so damn clever. 

“What’s this?” I asked her playfully. 

“This,” she paused spreading herself deliciously across my bed, throwing her hands above her head and lifted her knees toward her chest. “This, is your breakfast.”

And God help me, in that moment I thought nothing could get better than finding the girl I cared about offering herself up to me. She wasn’t just my breakfast, she was the only thing that could fill my hunger. She was every damn meal. 

I pushed my boxers down, revealing just how much I wanted her. Her mouth formed a small “o” as she watched me pump my fist over my erection. 

“Is this what you want?” I asked her. The smile that spread across my face threatened to crack my whole head open. This girl had me completely drunk off of her. She had her hands clutched around my heart, and for once I wasn’t scared of the implications of that. She had the power to break me, but something told me that she never would. 

Shakily she drew in a breath and met my eyes. 

“Yes,” was her simple answer. It was all I needed before I pulled her by her ankles toward the end of the bed where I stood. 

“Do you know how much I want you? Need you?” 

“Show me,” she whined. 

“I plan to, babe.” My voice was heavy with want, and everything was drowned out. Any doubt, all of my guilt over last night, and any worry that this was temporary. All I saw was her. She was everything. 

I pulled her legs over my shoulders, leaving her vulnerable to my mouth. Kissing up her leg, I found myself where she wanted me most. She was glistening with want, and my eyes drifted from her perfect pussy to her curious eyes. 

She had told me that she didn’t like having someone going down on her, but I could tell she wanted me to taste her. She licked her lips, making me want her even more. 

“Can I?” I asked. Even if I could read her like an open book, I wasn’t an asshole. I would only do what she wanted me to do. 

“Yes… Yes, please, Logan.”

A smirk curled onto my face before I rubbed her wet slit with my thumb. She mewled and wiggled her ass. 

Slowly I made circles around her clit. I wanted to taste her, make her come with my mouth, but first I would have my fun. I wouldn’t give her what she wanted until she was a mess of want and need for the release only I could give her. 

“Fuck, Veronica,” I groaned as she lifted her hips, trying to find the friction she desired. 

I pushed a finger into her. Her gasp echoed through the otherwise quiet room. Slowly I began pumping in and out. Not too little, but not enough to give her what she was looking for. 

“Logan…  _ Please _ .”

She didn’t realize that I got off from her little pleas. Hearing her ask me for what I wanted to give her made me harder for her than I wanted to admit. 

“Please what?” I taunted. Her eyes found mine, and I could see the frustration in them. 

“Don’t tease me, asshole.” 

I chuckled. Even during sex this woman was sassy as hell. 

It was then that my mouth connected with her clit. I sucked and reveled in the throaty sounds that were coming from her. I released her bundle, and licked slowly from back to front. She tasted exactly how I imagined: heaven. 

I placed a second finger in her and I ate her while fucking her with my two fingers. She was close. So close. 

“Logan,” she breathed. 

And then she was gone. She clenched around my fingers as she came undone. I kissed her pussy one last time before I pumped my fingers in and out of her, letting her ride out her orgasm. 

When she stilled and her breathing turned from fast and staccato to slow and sated, I pushed myself up and over her. 

“That was… wow.”

I kissed her lips softly, “I agree, it was _wow_.” 

She must have felt my erection between her soaked legs because she began to thrust herself up, rubbing me between the swollen lips of her pussy. 

“Veronica… we don’t have to,” I told her, slamming my eyes shut. 

I would do anything to be in her, but I didn’t want her to think she had to do it for me. 

“Logan…” I opened my eyes to find hers staring at me through heavy lids. “I need you.”

I needed her too. So much. I wondered if she could see that through my hard exterior. 

“Okay,” I whispered against her lips. 

I reached between us and took my throbbing dick in my hands and placed myself at her entrance. She wiggled, trying to get closer. I raised my eyebrows. 

“Jesus Christ, Veronica.”

“Hurry, jackass.”

A low laugh settled in my chest as I rubbed my head through her slick lips. She was completely ready for me. Slowly I entered her, wanting to feel every inch. When I filled her entirely, I released a breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding. It was then that I realized I hadn’t used a condom. 

“ _ Shit _ . Shit, baby… I forgot… I swear I’m clean, but I forgot the condom. One second.” My voice was rushed and it ruined the haze we had been in. 

“I’m on the pill,” she reassured me. “Please… I want you.”

I was surprised by her response. When we had first started this thing she had made it clear that she didn’t want to chance anything with me. Now here she was, looking at me with her blue, pleading eyes. 

But I couldn’t give her what she wanted. Just the idea of having a kid made my dick soften inside her. I couldn’t ever chance being a dad. I would be a shitty parent, and I’d be damned if I placed that burden on someone like Veronica. 

Once Duncan had jokingly wondered aloud how many Logan Juniors were running around the world. I almost broke out in hives at the thought, and prayed that there were none. And if there were, that they had a decent mom and I would never have the chance to fuck up their lives. No kid needed me in their life. 

“Veronica… I’m sorry. One second.” I begrudgingly pulled out of her and headed to the drawer I kept the box of condoms tucked away. I couldn’t bear looking at her as I did. I didn’t want her to think it had anything to do with her. No, this was all me. 

Once I had secured the piece of latex on me, the one that would ensure my seed wouldn’t be making any little miracles any time soon, I made my way back to where Veronica was lying. She had a smile on her face and still looked horny as fuck, but I could tell that my denial of being with her without anything between us had changed something about the way she was looking at me. She didn’t look hurt, but I could tell she was slowly building that wall back up again. I hated that. 

“Come here,” I urged. I laid down on the bed beside her, and pulled her on top of me. She straddled me, looking down with her hair cascading down her shoulders and back. The glow of her orgasm was still evident, and she looked beautiful. 

She took my lips with hers and we kissed slowly. She sat back up and positioned me back between her legs. Slowly she seated herself on me with a little moan, her pretty eyes hidden from me behind closed lids. 

“Look at me, Veronica. I want to see you.” 

When her lids fluttered open, I saw her. Really saw her. I saw the way she cared for me, the want for me, and even the worry that I had the ability to hurt her. But she was here and she was giving herself to me. 

I took a hold of her hips and began moving us. Lifting her and bringing her back down, watching where we connected. With each thrust, I could see her arousal on me, and it was too much. I had never felt so connected with anyone during sex before Veronica. 

When she began riding me faster, I watched as her small breasts bounced and the way she bit her lip to keep from making the sounds I loved hearing. 

“Baby,” I ground out, “Let go.”

And she did. And it was wonderful. 

“Logan,” she gasped, “Logan, I’m close.”

“Wait for me, baby. Come with me.”

I flipped us so that I was on top. I needed to come with her. I needed the connection that we had stumbled upon so effortlessly and miraculously. 

I looked into her blue eyes, the ones that reminded me of the ocean, the ones that I lost myself in as much as I found myself. They were heavy, indication that she wouldn’t be able to hold out very much longer. 

“Please,” she groaned. 

Feeling her pussy tighten around my dick urged my own orgasm to surface. My balls tightened and I knew I was close. 

“Veronica, baby, I’m gonna come,” I spoke into her neck. My lips finding the place between her neck and collarbone. I kissed it and she came for me. I followed shortly after with her name on my lips. 

We settled next to each other, panting and covered in sweat. I felt her hair tickling my sensitive skin, but made no attempt to move it. I wanted to feel everything when it came to her— her chest rising and falling with each heavy breath she took, her fingertips tracing up and down my arm, the way she nuzzled her face into my neck. 

“You can take your shirt off, you know. You have to be hot.”

“You make me hot,” was my smartass response. She sighed, but didn’t push the subject further. 

The truth was, I wasn’t willing to give her every part of me yet. Because at the end of our three weeks we had left, I would be getting on a plane back to New York and she would be staying here. We were temporary regardless of how my heart screamed to beat for her. 

I wished in that moment that I was just a boy and she was just a girl and life wouldn’t have been complicated like it was. I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anything. 

But she wasn’t mine to keep.

And with each second that ticked past us as we laid together, limbs tangled, I knew I had to eventually let her go. 

And it was then that I felt a small crack in my already shattered heart. 

She was going to ruin me.

* * *

 

**Present: Veronica**

 

It had been three days since Logan had called or texted me. As much as I didn’t want it to bother me, I couldn’t help but find myself worried. The last time we had spoken, he and I had tentatively planned another date— to get to know each other and nothing else. Although I knew what his true motives were. It was clear through the heated looks and subtle verbal hints that Logan intended on winning me back. It pissed me off as much as it made me swoon. I didn’t understand why he would work so hard to get back with a girl he had left behind ten years ago. 

Then again, I hadn’t heard from him in a while so maybe he wasn’t trying as hard as I thought he had been. Maybe he changed his mind, once again, finding me at his disposal. 

On the third day of silence, I decided, against my better judgement, to call him. He wasn’t going to ghost me like this. If he wanted things to end, he would need to man up and tell me. We weren’t twenty year olds anymore. We were well into our adulthood, and I couldn’t spend my precious years of being single to wait on Logan Echolls anymore. I didn’t necessarily want to settle down and have kids at that exact moment, but I wanted to have the option if I ever changed my mind, and time was ticking onward with or without me. 

He let his phone ring four times before he decided to pick up. 

_ “Hello?” _ came an uninterested voice on Logan’s end. 

I tried to ignore the ache I felt in my chest, and channeled everything I was feeling into one emotion: rage. 

“Good to hear that you’re still alive,” was my flat return. But just as I had decided to yell at him, I changed my mind and tried to harness in the anger I was feeling. Maybe he had a good excuse. 

_ “Why wouldn’t I be alive?”  _ Logan still sounded bored and unaffected by me which fueled the fire I was trying to contain.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I haven’t heard from you in a few days?” Even to my own ears, I realized how pathetic I sounded. We had only just agreed to be friends, and here I was acting like a jealous girlfriend. He was probably planning his escape plan from the disaster that was thirty year old Veronica Mars. 

_ “Sorry, Mars,” _ he used my last name like he did so many years ago and something about it rubbed me the wrong way. It was what he had called me when we were casual and trying to convince ourselves that we didn’t have feelings for one another. It was too platonic for who we really were to one another.  _ “I’ve been really busy at the office. Duncan gave everyone time off for the holiday, so I’ve had to work double time to get any of our shit done,”  _ he continued with a cool tone. 

“I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called,” I replied stupidly. The plan to give Logan a piece of my mind had backfired and instead of feeling like the strong woman I was trying to be, I felt little and idiotic for getting so worked up. 

_ “No, now that I have you on the phone, I do have something to ask you.” _

I waited for him to continue, not finding it in me to give him an actual response.

_ “Red or white?”   _ I could almost imagine the smirk playing on his lips as he asked me. His question caught me entirely off guard. 

“Wh-what?” I stammered.

_ “Well, considering tomorrow is Thanksgiving and you’re still in New York, I can only assume you don’t have any plans for dinner tomorrow?”  _

“How do you know I’m in New York?” I asked incredulously. The turn of our conversation had thrown me off balance, and I hated him for it. 

_ “I may have asked Lilly when I was talking to her earlier.” _

Apparently, he wanted me to ignore the fact that he had contacted my best friend, but had left me hanging on silence for three days. It was a fact that I didn’t want to as easily ignore. 

“You had time to call Lilly and didn’t even have enough time to even text me?” I deadpanned. I wasn’t angry like I had been before, but I was still annoyed. He didn’t get to pursue me, text me daily, and then ignore me for three days. 

_ “She called me, Mars… Wait, are you jealous?” _

I wished in that moment we were face to face so I could punch his smug little self. But then on second thought, I realized that being face to face with Logan Echolls had never benefited me when I was mad at him. He always found a way to end our arguments in kissing. 

Not that I would have entirely minded his lips pressed against mine again. A little fact that I was keeping to myself. 

“Not jealous,” I told him pointedly, “A little annoyed if anything.”

He laughed on his end and I wanted to wrap myself in the warmth it gave off. He sounded like summer. I loved summer, and the past ten years had been void of summer and filled with a perpetual cycle of winter, fall, and spring. Those seasons were okay, and I didn’t mind them, but I had missed the heat and thrill that summer brought. 

“Laugh it up, Echolls.”

_ “Let me make it up to you. Come to my place for Thanksgiving, Veronica. So red or white? I need to know which wine to get us.” _

The stubborn side of me wanted to tell him he could shove his dinner plans up his ass, but the larger part of me, the part that ached for Logan, won. It always won. 

“Fine. And white, please.” I tried to sound like he was putting me out, but in reality, I was already deciding what I would wear to our dinner. 

_ “I’ll see you tomorrow, babe. My driver will pick you up at five.” _

And with that he hung up before I could protest over his dinner plans or argue that I wasn’t his  _ babe  _ anymore. But I would have been lying if I said hearing the term of endearment didn’t send my heart racing. With each pump my heart gave, I felt the excitement of tomorrow course through me. 

The fact that my intention in calling Logan had been to set him straight, but had ultimately ended in my heart puddling at my feet for him, had me groaning.

But if we were going to work this time, if he was serious about getting to know me and stay in my life, we had already wasted so much time away from one another. I didn’t have time for games. If he wanted me in his life, I would be in his life. 

I just hoped that he wouldn’t break me like he did ten years ago. Because while he had left a significant crack in my heart when he walked away then, I knew he would destroy what was left of me if he left me now.

* * *

 

**Present: Logan**

 

I had spent the past three days drinking and moping around after my father’s phone. That one call sent everything spiraling out of control, throwing me off the path of righteousness I had tried so hard to stay on. He was powerful and he had too many connections to ignore his threats. If he wanted to tell Veronica about Jeffrey, he would make sure it happened. And it wouldn’t be nice or gentle when he broke the news. 

That left me with one other option: coming clean. Part of me wanted to believe she wouldn’t care. We hadn’t been together when I had found out about Jeffrey, but would that really matter? It was still the fact that he existed out in the world. One fucked up choice made years ago by two selfish and stupid people, and here I was now trying to clean up the mess. 

The part of me, the one that won out every time I reached to call Veronica and tell her everything, told me that she wouldn’t understand. The news would wreck her. Once she found out about him, I would be dropped. And I wouldn’t be able to blame her.

So instead of being a grown up like I was supposed to fucking be, I decided to drink. I sat in my empty penthouse and drowned the ghosts and demons of my past. When Lilly had called me and yelled at me, she pulled me from my pathetic stupor and reminded me that I was being an asshole. She didn’t get why I was drinking, just that it had to do with Aaron being a prick and Veronica always being slightly out of reach. Lilly pushed back and told me to grow the hell up and fight for what I wanted for once. 

I would like to think that she had called on my behalf, but I knew she had called for Veronica’s sake. 

Either way, it had sobered me up, and I began planning a Thanksgiving dinner for Veronica and me. I was surprised to find that Veronica would be staying in the city for the holiday instead of traveling home. But Lilly had quietly explained that Veronica had reasons for staying in New York. Reasons she didn’t have the right to tell me, and I needed to ask Veronica about. 

I knew that since I had left Neptune there were new things about Veronica that I didn’t know, and part of me was dreading hearing about the painful parts of life I had missed out on. I should have been there for her. I should have been the one she called, the one she had to hold when life got hard. But I was here, fucking around like I didn’t have a care in the world. It was going to kill me to hear about the life, the ten goddamn years, that I had missed out on. I just prayed that we could spend the rest of our lives making up for it. 

I may have said I wanted to be friends, and hell that was true. We hadn’t just been together intimately on a physical level. We had shared parts of ourselves with each other that nobody else saw. She was attached to my soul, and there was no denying in that short month she was closer to me than anyone had ever been before. She had been my best friend. But while I wanted her friendship back, I also wanted her heart. I wanted her kisses. Her body. Fuck, I wanted her future. 

So I was going to listen to Lilly and I was going to fight for something I had no right even having. I was going to fight for my happiness and hopefully her happiness would fall in line. If not, I would back off. I would give her my friendship if that’s all she could offer, because all I knew was that I needed her. She was it for me. And if she wouldn’t have me, I would continue what I had been doing before I found her again— filling life with work. Only this time I would ensure that from now on she would be taken care of— even if she didn’t know I was doing it. 

And if someday she found a man and loved him more than I suspected she loved me, I would bow out. I would give her what she needed and wanted because she sure damn deserved it. 

But for now. I was going to fight. Fight for me. Fight for her. Fight for us. 

It was the day of Thanksgiving that I came to the realization that I was putting Veronica and I in a very serious position. My dad, if he even deserved that title, would find out that she had spent her holiday with me, and he would retaliate. I needed to warn her without giving her the full truth… yet. I knew that if this thing was going to be long haul, I would have to tell her eventually. I couldn’t keep something of that magnitude a secret from her. I just needed time to show her I was serious about her. That I wasn’t going to run again. Then I would tell her. 

At least that’s what I tried telling myself. 

Veronica arrived at my home dressed in a burgundy sweater and dark jeans. Her hair was twisted up and tendrils of her blonde hair curled around her neck. She looked gorgeous and I couldn’t help but lose my words when I tried to come up with something to say. 

Her eyes danced with a light that I had missed and craved on the lonely nights in the past ten years. She knew the effect she had on me. I had forced her to see her beauty all those years ago, and I was glad the message had stuck. 

“Happy Thanksgiving,” she smiled, raising a pie she had brought with her. 

“Veronica…” I drew in a painful breath. It hurt to be so close to her and not be able to go to her the way I wanted. “You look beautiful.” 

A blush crossed her face and she rolled her eyes playfully. “Thanks.”

I found my way to where she stood, even if I looked like a stumbling fool, and placed a kiss on her cheek. I couldn’t help it. I was like a moth to the flame. Like a sinner to the cross. I craved her in a way that was beyond explanation. 

“You didn’t have to bring anything,” I told her gently before taking the pie from her hands. She just pursed her lips and shrugged it off. 

We made our way to the dining room where dinner was waiting for us. I wanted to say that I had been the one to create the feast we were about to eat, but I hadn’t had the time to learn how to cook between the drinking and sleeping around. Something I had decided I wanted to remedy as soon as life went back to normal. Well, back to normal with Veronica by my side. 

Because if seeing her today had told me anything, it was that we were doing this. We were going to make this work. There was no choice in the matter now. I saw the way she stared at me. She liked to think she had a good poker face, but I read her like a well versed book I had in my library. The kind that had dog eared pages and highlights throughout the tattered and well loved pages. I knew her and had memorized her ten years ago in a way that she wouldn’t ever be able to hide from me— even if she tried. I saw the truth hidden in her ocean eyes.

She still loved me. 

And that meant I still had a chance.

* * *

 

**Ten Years Earlier: Logan**

 

We spent one single peaceful night with each other before the reality of our situation surfaced again. For one day and night I was just Logan, a man falling for a girl that I didn’t deserve, and she was Veronica, the angel that had chosen a sinner like me as the man she wanted to spend her time with. We were happy and carefree. That night, the night after the huge blowup at the pool party, was like a window into a future I didn’t know I even had the possibility of having. I didn’t fuck her. I made love to her, and something changed between us. Something neither of us had been expecting when we started this thing. 

We had one perfect night before everything fell apart. 

It didn’t fall apart all at once. It was small cracks that continued to screw with the foundation until the whole thing came tumbling down around us. There was nothing we could have done to prevent it from happening. We were young. We were crazy and passionate and niave. We weren’t prepared for the storm. 

It started with a phone call from Duncan. I knew he was still pissed about his best friend boning his ex, but I figured if I could explain she was so much more than that to me, maybe he would understand. Shit, he had been the one to cheat in the first place so how much could he really care anyway? 

If I had thought Duncan would be understanding about the circumstance we had found ourselves in, I was very wrong. 

The conversation was short and to the point. I had to break things off with Veronica or he would go to my dad and tell him about the relationship. I proceeded to tell him to fuck himself if he thought he had any right to tell me who I could be with, who  _ she  _ could be with, considering his transgressions. 

I didn’t think to take his threat seriously. He was pissed and he would get over it. Beside, he had Meg and soon to be two kiddos to worry about. He would lose interest in my relationship with Veronica and would eventually act as if this hadn’t ever happened. 

What I hadn’t been planning on was Duncan being a huge dick who had decided to take matters into his own hands. 

When my phone rang a day later, my dad’s name flashing across the screen, I knew Duncan had kept to his threats and had contacted Aaron. I wanted to wring my best friend’s neck for being such a spoiled child about the whole thing. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why he was holding onto Veronica like he was. He had chosen the woman he wanted. It was evident by the sparkling ring Meg was now donning and her belly that grew every day. He had chosen Meg. He needed to let Veronica go. 

I ignored my dad’s calls. There was no way he actually cared about who I was dating when he never had before. 

The Friday after Veronica and I had been outed as a couple, or whatever the hell we were calling it, was the first time we actually went on a date without the worry that someone would see us. Lilly had suggested a double date to the movies with her and Brady, and though I was wary of her after the party, I had agreed to go when Veronica seemed on board with the idea. 

The date had gone smoothly, and Lilly gushed over us being adorable together, and all in all it could have gone a lot worse. Things were seriously looking up, even if my best friend and future business partner was giving me the cold shoulder. Lilly rolled her eyes when I told her what her brother had said to me, and told me not to worry. 

“Donut has been acting weird, lately. But I guess he was bound to crack under pressure eventually, right?” She had laughed, waving her hand as if to dismiss his words. If Lilly thought it was no big deal, then maybe I was overreacting. Still, I kept Duncan’s phone call from Veronica. I didn’t want her to worry. In all honesty, I was afraid she would pull away from me if she found out there was major conflict surrounding our relationship.  This thing was supposed to be fun and light, and best friends going head to head against each other was far from that. 

I should have known one double date that had gone well, didn’t mean life was going to be rainbows and butterflies for us. For starters, we still hadn’t given what we were doing a label. I wanted her, and that’s about as far as my mind would allow myself to go. Sure, we were more like girlfriend and boyfriend at that point, but it was still new and I was still going back to New York without Veronica. I could tell as each day past, she wanted me to ask her to be my girlfriend, and each day I didn’t had caused tension between us to stretch like an old rubber band about to be snapped. 

My dad’s incisive calling didn’t help the anxiety that was slowly building within me either. I ignored every phone call and muttered curses as I did it. The bastard seemed too interested in my life, and I wasn’t willing to hear him out. Something told me whatever he had to say was going to change everything. 

Finally, after four days of my dad calling, and me conveniently having better things to do than answer, a new number popped up when my phone lit up. It was my mom. 

I knew I couldn’t put it off whatever my dad had to say any longer. Because if Mom was calling, it meant she was getting shit from Dad. And I didn’t want that for her. I knew the kind of things he said and did to her when he was angry. 

“Hey, Mom,” I sighed into the reciever. 

On the other end, my mom took a deep breath before saying what she needed to say. I knew it was bad. I shouldn’t have ignored Aaron’s calls as long as I had. 

_ “Logan, darling, it’s about time you answered that phone of yours.”  _

I could hear a muffled voice that I could only assume was my dad. He was the puppeteer, telling his wife what to say to his disappointment of a son. 

_ “Sweetie… We’ve heard about your new girlfriend… Veronica Mars?” _

“She’s not my girlfriend,” I told her honestly. If anything good came from me refusing to label Veronica and I, it was that I didn’t have to lie about what we were. 

_ “Logan, Duncan has contacted us. He seems to be worried you’re in over your head—” _

She stopped and I waited for whatever else they had to say. But I heard rustling and I knew that I was about to hear from the Devil himself. 

_ “Son,”  _ came Aaron’s cruel voice.  _ “I don’t care if she’s just a temporary hole you’re filling with your small dick. You  _ will _ drop this thing with her before the media gets wind of this. We have a family name to uphold, and The Mars family will only dampen our light. When you were fifteen and dating that Kane girl, we discussed that she was an appropriate girlfriend for you to have. Do you remember this?” _

I placed my cellphone on speaker, and scrubbed my face with the palms of my hands. Unfortunately, I did remember what he was talking about. 

“Yeah,” was my weak response. But it was all Aaron needed before he continued. 

_ “You aren’t just another rich boy, Logan. You are the heir to the Echolls’ Family name. We can’t have nobodies marrying into our family. We are a business. You’re too old to be getting serious with someone who doesn’t come from a family that we can do business with. Do I make myself clear?”  _

I bit my cheek. I wanted to tell him to go to hell and leave me alone. I wanted to tell him he was being dramatic. But I _had_ agreed to that arrangement when I was fifteen. But hell, what did fifteen year old Logan know about marriage and love? 

I didn’t know shit at fifteen. In case you were wondering. 

“Dad, I don’t need your permission to date someone. Veronica might not come from money, but she won’t tarnish our family name either. She’s a good girl. Shit, the Kanes even let Duncan date her. They’re well above our rank when it comes to America’s wealthiest.” 

_ “We aren’t the Kanes. We can’t afford to have you marry a drunk’s daughter. The media would dig into her past, and you know it. And what would they find? They would find the daughter of a woman who's had more nights in the drunk tank than you. Not to mention a man who has been known to go against the wealthy as the town sheriff is her father. They’d love to attach our pristine image with one of a dysfunctional white trash family.”  _

The way he spoke about Veronica and her family made my blood boil. He had no right to talk about them that way when he knew damn well what a dysfunctional family looked like. The Echolls were about as dysfunctional as a family could get behind closed doors. 

He must have sensed that I hadn’t changed my mind, because Aaron pulled out the big guns with his next words,  _ “If you don’t do as I say, I will make sure you don’t see a dime of your trustfund.”  _

I laughed because he had no right to do that to me. 

“Okay, Dad.”

_ “Wouldn’t you know, but that’s not actual who I am.” _

My heart stuttered, and I found myself leaning closer to the phone, staring at it like it had just done a magic trick or something. 

“What?” My voice was low and full of anger. 

_ “Lynne do you want to tell him or should I? No? You don’t want to own up to the slut you are?”  _ Aaron chuckled. He sounded evil, and for the first time in my life I realized he honestly was.  _ “Well,  _ Son _ ,”  _ he emphasized the word son like it left a bad taste in his mouth,  _ “Turns out Mommy Dearest hasn’t exactly been what we like to call ‘faithful.’ You’re not mine, Logan.”  _

Not his. 

Not his. 

Not his. 

My heart beat to the sound of betrayal and rejection. 

Not his. 

I wasn’t his. 

“You’re lying,” I finally said, hoarse and broken. 

_ “No, it’s quite true. We did a paternity test when you were one. Your mother decided to have a conscious and come clean to me. But I needed a son to carry on our name, to help me make an empire. So I kept you. Kept her because without her there was no you. But I swear on your mother’s life, Logan. I will divorce that cheating bitch and take everything… from the both of you.”  _

My head spun. I felt sick to my stomach. This wasn’t happening. 

_ “And I wonder if Duncan Kane will still want to be business partners with a man that has no money, no connections, and who’s fucking his ex?”  _

He was right. I was cornered like an animal in a cage. A wild and tormented animal that was offered freedom only to have it taken away by the slamming of a metal door. Duncan had offered me freedom from Aaron. He was my way out, and without our business, the one that I had created in the first place, I would lose everything I had worked for. 

I wanted to be strong, and say she was worth it. Worth losing everything. But if I was nothing, would Veronica even want me anyway? 

“What do you want me to do?” I asked him in a strangled voice. 

I could hear the victory in his voice when he told me,  _ “End this thing and come home, Logan.”  _

And the line went dead. 

My mind racing and my heart numb. 

I didn’t have a choice. 

I couldn’t have her without losing everything. 

And I was nothing without this future I had worked for. Without the Echolls’ name. 

I had to end things with Veronica. 

But one questioned coursed through me, deafening and blinding all at once:

Would gaining the world be worth losing the one person who made me feel alive?

It would have to be.

* * *

 

**Present: Veronica**

 

The dinner was one of the best things I had ever eaten, and Logan had just taken me to the most raved about restaraunt in New York, so that was saying something. From the moment I stepped into his home, I could tell that he was my old Logan. The one I had fallen for. The one I still loved. 

I couldn’t believe that ten years later, I was sitting across the table from Logan Echolls. How were we here again? Maybe the fact that neither of us had settled down and married spoke louder than the deafening silence we lived through all the years apart. Maybe it was fate telling us that we had done our time, finished our purgatory, and we were finally on our way to where we were supposed to be all along. I could only hope that this time it would work. 

It had to work. 

“Why aren’t you home for Thanksgiving?” he finally asked me under a heated gaze. He had been making his annoyingly wonderful sex eyes at me all night. I felt the warmth from his stare spreading across my chest and further down where I hadn’t been touched by a man in ages. 

I tried to shake my dirty thoughts, and gave him a sad smile. “I don’t really make it home much.”

It was true, and I hoped he would let the subject drop. But apparently our small talk and the dancing around the big topics was over because he pushed further. 

“Why?”

“Dad remarried… after…” I let my words drift off. He knew exactly what I was referring to. He couldn’t have been in the dark about what had happened to my parents. But he lifted an eyebrow in question. Maybe Lilly really had held her end of the bargain and kept the details of my life from him. 

I remembered back to the night that changed my life. And it wasn’t when my boyfriend of five years ditched me at my birthday party or even when the love of my life walked away without a single look back. The rejection and loss of Duncan and Logan couldn’t compare to the horrible night I got a phone call that changed everything. 

Losing boyfriends and lovers felt trivial compared to losing a parent. And that’s exactly what had happened. 

Mom and Dad had been on their way home from dinner when a drunk driver hit them head on. Mom was killed on site while Dad was flown to the hospital where he spent over a month in recovery from major injuries to his brain and other organs. The drunk driver walked away without a scratch. 

When I had gotten the call about a drunk driving accident involving my parents, I immediately thought Lianne was the cause of the accident. And for a brief moment, I truly hated her. Deeply and profoundly hated Lianne. But it hadn’t been her. In fact, my dad had told me a few years later that she had been trying to get clean. Hadn’t had a drink in a week. The irony that my drunk of a mother had been killed by another drunk was not lost on me. 

I had thought the wound of losing my mother had closed years ago, but as I explained the situation to Logan, I felt it tearing open again. Cutting me open for Logan to see the darkness that had settled into my soul after that night. 

And I knew that he could see the ugly truth, because he had always been able to see through me, into me. 

“Baby…” he choked. I looked up to see his eyes were brimmed with unshed tears. I knew he was trying to keep it together for me. He was always so good at pretending everything was okay when it wasn’t. He stood from where he sat, and came around the table, bending beside me. 

He cupped my face, “Baby,” he said again, voice stronger and tears gone, “I am so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I promised, the lie almost believable. 

He shook his head, telling me it wasn’t okay, but he understood. He wouldn’t let the knife dig any deeper into me. He wouldn’t let me bleed out. There was something about the love in his eyes that made me think that maybe I could be saved. 

That he could save me— from the past that stole our happiness, from the bleak future that we would have without each other. 

Maybe we could save each other. 

“I wish I would have been there for you,” he whispered. I saw the pain that he felt when the words left, and I knew without a doubt he meant them. 

“Me too.”

It was the truth. 

And it was about damn time we told each other the truth. 

My eyes fell to his lips. They were slightly parted and I wondered for a moment what he would do if I kissed him. 

He must have sensed what I was thinking because he sat up straighter, dropped his hands to his side, and cleared his throat. 

“So Keith remarried?” he asked me casually.

“Yeah… her name’s Harmony… We kind of had a falling out about the whole thing because she was married when they met… I guess it just made me grow up and realize even our heroes have their faults. We’ve never really been the same since.” 

“That sucks.” 

I appreciated that he didn’t try to bullshit me. He said it how it was. 

I returned a shrug. Logan was still squatting between my legs, his eyes level with mine. All I had to do was lean forward a couple inches and our mouths would be touching.

Would he want that? Would he let me kiss him if I tried? 

I wouldn’t find the answer to my questions because he stood up abruptly and made his way back to his seat across from me. Maybe I was crazy and had misread the signals he had been sending me. 

“Do you still talk to Lilly?” he asked me, changing the subject in a direction I hadn’t been expecting. 

“Yeah, she’s my best friend… why wouldn’t I talk to her?” I paused. “Do you still talk to Duncan?” I bit out. I’m sure it sounded like I was being petty, but I didn’t care. I knew the answer. Echane Holdings was their baby, and the two of them had landed on Forbes' Top 100 List before they hit the age of thirty. While I had struggled through college, balancing my time between classes and helping Dad whenever I could, Logan had been sipping champagne with billionaires in their offices that overlooked the city. 

Sometimes it still hurt to think about the fact that he had chosen his work and Duncan over me. But I had to remind myself, if I had been in his position, I probably would have done the same thing. 

“Obviously I talk to Duncan. But we aren’t best friends. Haven’t been for a while now.” 

I couldn’t tell if there was sadness behind the indifferent tone he spoke. I hated that I had been the primary cause for their friendship’s turmoil. 

Maybe Logan had lost more than I originally thought. He had silk ties, a buffet of women at his disposal, glamorous parties, and a multi-billion dollar company. But did that really mean he was happy? Suddenly his world seemed a lot more lonely. 

I may have struggled through college, working odd end jobs to make due, but I had a best friend who loved me dearly and a father who was always there for me, even when we disagreed. I didn’t have nice things, but I was far from lonely and sad. 

“Does that make it hard to work together?” I asked, my voice softer.

Logan licked his bottom lip before answering, “We don’t let that get in the way of our business. We’re still friends, don’t get me wrong. But we aren’t close like we used to be. Besides, we have different lives. He has Meg and his kids. I have…” 

I held my breath, waiting for him to finish his sentence, but he didn’t. His eyes burned into me, and I tried to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat. My breath was shallow. How funny it was to find myself unable to breathe around the one person who was like air for my lungs. 

“It’s getting late,” I finally forced out. I pushed my chair back with a terrible scraping noise. I cringed at the sound, but didn’t stop my retreat. Though his penthouse was three times the size of my apartment, it felt too small. This was too much too soon. 

I hadn’t been around Logan for ten years. I couldn’t jump back into life with him. He had left me broken when he had promised to help me live. I couldn’t possibly be falling again for a man who had done that to me. I had always thought the weird pull between us was crazy. But now I was sure of it. Ten years of silence between us seemed like ten seconds when we were together. But when I was alone in my bed, I could feel every day we had been apart. I could remember each and every time I wanted to pick up my phone and call him. I felt every single agonizing anniversary of him leaving me on that cold sidewalk. 

Logan quietly followed behind me as I found my coat that he had draped across one of his chairs and headed to the door. 

“Can I take you home?” he asked me once we were standing in the hall outside of his home. 

“I drove,” I lied. 

His lips quirked up ever so slightly and I watched as he poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue. 

“We both know you didn’t drive. I sent my driver to get you this evening.”

He stepped closer toward me. The heat of his body wrapped around me like a warm blanket, and I this time I didn’t feel suffocated. I wanted to stay like this as long as we could. I inched closer to him, needing to be closer. Our chests touched, our breathing heavy and unified by a single cause— need for each other. 

There was no denying the cord that had connected us when we first met was still binding us together now. We could pretend that life would go on without one another, but it was a lie. Life without Logan was like religion without salvation— going through the motions without purpose or an ending. 

He took a deep breath as if he were trying to steady himself, talk himself out of whatever it was we were about to do. 

_ Do it,  _ I urged him silently.  _ Choose me. Keep me. Love me.  _

“Veronica…” he breathed. I felt his warm breath against my lips. I could almost taste the sweet flavor that only belonged to him. 

“I should get home,” I replied stupidly. Trying and failing to sound convincing. We both knew I wanted to stay here with him. 

“Let me take you,” he told me. This time he didn’t ask, it sounded like a demand and I was not one to refuse. 

“Okay.”

The moment he stepped back, I instantly missed his warmth and presence. How could I miss someone that was still standing less than a foot away from me? 

My hands were trembling when he took one of them into his own, and I prayed he couldn’t tell. 

“Let’s get you home,” he mumbled. He didn’t sound like he meant it. 

What he didn’t know was my heart was screaming:

_ I am.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys amaze me each week. Thank you for your continued support. 
> 
> XO,   
> Britt


	7. Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was going to be a relatively short chapter at the beginning. But this 5,000 word chapter had a mind of its own and turned into a 10,000+ word chapter. So that's my excuse for the two week wait, and I'm sticking to it! ;)
> 
> I hope you all enjoy. This was by far the hardest chapter I've had to write, and you'll see why. I don't normally get emotional when I write because I'm in the zone, but something about this one broke me a little. So I'm sorry in advance if you get emotional.... BUT that just means there's sunshine around the corner!

**Present: Logan**

The tension on our way back to her place was so charged that it would have electrocuted someone had they been in the car with us.

I knew she wanted me to ask her to stay, but I was worried that it was the wine talking… or maybe the pheromones or some shit. Either way, there was a chance she would regret her choice the next morning, and I couldn’t chance that. So I had begrudgingly ignored the signs she was sending, hating every mile that passed as we neared her apartment.

“Thank you for joining me tonight,” I forced out, trying to sound as cheerful as humanly possible in this kind of situation.

“Mmm,” was her short response. She kept her eyes glued to the window, and I found myself wondering if she really saw all the buildings and people and cars we passed or if she was just trying to keep her eyes off of me.

I cleared my throat, not knowing what else to do. This caught her attention, and I saw her peek at me through the corner of her eye.

_Gotcha._

“What are your plans for the rest of the week?” I asked.

“Not much. Work.”

Again her response was less than enthusiastic. She was actually punishing me for being an adult and making a wise decision for us. I wanted to laugh, but I was too annoyed by the circumstance for one to escape. I wanted her to stay with me just as much as she did. I hoped she knew that.

The car creeped to a stop, and I internally groaned knowing our night had come to an end.

“Thanks for the ride… _friend_ ,” she smiled. Her voice rang false. It was too damn happy and could have put Barbie to shame. And friend? What was that about?

Goddammit.

She was going to get her way.

“Veronica?”

“Hmm?”

“Stay,” I said on a sigh. “Go get your stuff, and stay with me tonight.”

I didn’t ask because we both knew her answer.

She feigned indifference and pursed her lips as if she were actually thinking about how she would answer.

“Go get your stuff for chrissakes!” I laughed. I gave her a slight push toward the door before turning to my driver, “Ben, wait for Miss Mars to return before we head back home.”

He nodded, but I caught his eyes narrowing.

Ben had been my driver for the past six years and had seen a lot of the shit I had done. In fact he had seen way too much, but fortunately he was loyal and never told a single soul. Lord knew the stories he could sell to the tabloids could easily allow him to retire early and live on a comfortable cushion for the rest of his life.

He had once joked that he kept a tally of the number of women he picked up and brought to my home. When I asked him how many were on the list, he rolled his eyes telling me it was enough to warrant getting my junk checked.

As he stared at me through his rearview mirror, I made a mental note that he needed a raise.

When Veronica had made her way into the building without giving me a single yes or no, I turned to Ben and eyed the back of his head.

“Ben, you looked like you had something to say,” I challenged.

“Nope.”

“You’ve always been brutally honest, why change now?”

“She’s different,” was all he said. When he spoke I heard the softness of his voice. And damn, I realized he cared about me. How had I missed that before?

“She is,” I agreed quietly.

“She’s the one you’ve been trying to erase.”

Again his words weren’t questioning. He knew as well as I did that I had tried and failed to forget about Veronica through nameless hookups. Now Ben had a face and name to place with my mystery heart break.

“But here she is,” I told him. I scrubbed my face with my hands. Even I was surprised to have this chance. I knew I was a lucky bastard and I didn’t need Ben, or Bob for that matter, reminding me. Just the other day Bob had given a lengthy lecture about not letting her go again.

“Hopefully she sticks around. I like this new and improved Logan Echolls.”

“Is that right?”

“Yeah, he’s less of an asshole. Makes my job easier.”

I laughed at that and he responded by muttering something that sounded a lot like, _Well, it’s true dickwad._

“I’m not letting go this time, Ben. She doesn’t know it yet, but she’s stuck with me.”

My words sounded more confident than I felt. In all honesty, I wasn’t sure if I would get to keep her forever.

Especially after I told her the truth about Jeffrey.

After a few minutes and no Veronica, I was worried that maybe she wasn’t going to come back, but finally she reappeared, blonde hair whipping in the wind. It reminded me of the photograph she had sold to me that was hanging in my living room.

She barrelled her way into the car, a huge smile plastered on her face and duffle bag in hand.

“Is it weird that I’m excited for our grownup slumber party?” she whispered once we were seated and on our way back to my apartment.

No, it wasn’t weird. Because I was fucking ecstatic.

“What do you have planned for this slumber party, Mars?” I whispered back.

A smirk played on her lips and she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. I shook my head at her, she was ridiculous and I loved her.

_I loved her._

It felt freeing to admit that so easily.

“Hey, this was _your_ idea,” she told me.

Bullshit. She knew I had only broken down and asked her to say after witnessing her little tantrum she threw on our way to her place.

“I think we both know who’s to blame for this bad idea,” I replied, moving my mouth closer to her ear to ensure she was the only one who could hear the next part, “We don’t have the best track record when it comes to being alone in bed.”

She blushed and giggled, pushing my arm playfully. Her eyes darted toward Ben. But he was ignoring us as we acted like two guilty children.

A sudden movement near my hand had me removing my gaze from her face and toward her hand that was slowly and timidly sliding into mine. She laced our fingers together, and I gave a reassuring squeeze to let her know I wanted her there.

On an exhale, she leaned her head against my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head and used my free hand to trace circles on the back of the hand that was grasping mine.

It felt easy, being here like this. As if ten years of silence— ten years of painful memories, ten years of missing a piece of me— hadn’t happened.

But they had. And we had a lot to discuss. I knew that, even as I tried to ignore the different worries running throughout my mind. I made a pact with myself in that moment. I would give us tonight, whatever it brought, and then I would break the news to her in the morning. I would come clean about everything. Why I had left, why I had stayed away from her for ten years when all I had wanted to do was call her and tell her she was my everything, why Aaron was threatening me now.

If she walked away, I would let her go.

If she stayed, I would never give her a reason to walk away again.

Veronica let out a slow breath before pulling me closer to her. Although we were as close as we could be in a car, we still weren’t close enough. In that moment, I didn’t think we ever could be.

The ride home couldn’t have moved any slower. I was dying to pull her into my apartment so we could be alone and I could explore her in any way she would let me, whether it was physically or emotionally. By the time the car slowed to a stop, I was unbuckled and yanking the door open in a rush to be alone with her.

“Jesus, Logan,” she laughed as I pulled her through the entrance of the building and to the elevator where Bob was looking smug.

“You going up?” Bob asked us as he hit the button to my floor. Damn old man. He knew we were going up.

“Bob, how are you today?” Veronica asked, shyly smiling at the man as if she had any reason to be embarrassed about being caught going back up to my apartment.

“I’d be better if I didn’t have to help your lazy asses,” Bob huffed. He darted his eyes toward me and huffed some more, “Especially this asshole.” He pointed his thumb toward me, and I let out a laugh. As much as Bob hated to admit it, he liked me. The feeling was mutual. He had often been someone I talked to in my drunken stupors. I rambled about Veronica and all of my fuck-ups in my life. He had always rolled his eyes and told me that I was an idiot and deserved what life gave me. But we both knew he didn’t mean it.

“Why _are_ you here in an elevator instead of home eating turkey?” I questioned.

I got raised eyebrows and a string of curses in return.

“Ungrateful bastard,” he muttered low and quietly to Veronica who giggled and nodded in false agreement. He turned his attention back to me and stated honestly, “It’s just me, you know. My wife Alma died two years ago, and holidays aren’t the same when they’re spent alone.”

His admission shocked me. I hadn’t realized he lived alone. Of course I _had_  been the ungrateful bastard he called me, not really caring about anyone but my own damn self for the past years.

“You should have said something,” Veronica told him in almost a whisper, “You could have had dinner with us.”

Her words were soft and kind and made my heart swell with even more love for this woman. This kind and generous and thoughtful woman I didn’t deserve.

“Naw,” Bob waved her sentiment off, “I wouldn’t want to third wheel or nothing.”

A careful smile crept to Veronica’s face. She bit it back and turned her eyes toward the increasing numbers indicating we were nearing my floor.

The ding of the elevator and heavy metal of the doors scraping open was my cue to grab her hand and give Bob a quick thank you before rushing to my front door.

“I wish we could have invited him,” Veronica mumbled, playing with her duffle bag.

“Well, now we know for next time,” I told her, pushing the door open.

The urgency we had felt was back, buzzing through the air between us. She dropped her bag at the entrance and peeled off her coat. Her cheeks were still red from the winter air, and her eyes glimmered with something that looked a lot like hope.

“So now what?” Her voice was playful yet serious.

_So now what?_

That was the question of the century.

“I honestly have no idea,” I admitted, pulling my own coat off. It fell to the floor, forgotten the moment Veronica stepped closer toward me.

“We have a lot to catch up on. Let’s start with some of that wine you promised.”

We both made our way to my kitchen where she seated herself on my counter while I found the wine and glasses. I poured her a decent sized glass. She took it and I settled myself between her legs, running my hands on her thighs as she watched me with a hesitant gaze. Her eyes fell from me to her glass, but she didn’t take a sip.

We stayed like that for a while. Close and silent, neither person wanting to start this long journey we were about to embark. My hands stayed on her while hers stayed in her lap, swirling the wine around in the glass.

Eventually she took a large drink from the wine and placed it beside her where she sat on the counter. Her eyes were darker now. She was bracing herself for the ugly truths our ten years apart had built. Maybe I should have taken her lead and braced myself for whatever was coming my way, but I wanted to feel it all. I wanted to hurt because if I could feel the pain of our pasts then I would thrive in the pleasure our future would bring.

I tried to swallow the lump that was forming in my throat, and was the first to break our deafening silence by asking one of the questions that had been burning me from the inside since we reconnected.

“I thought you would have been married with kids by now,” I started off with an admission, “Why aren’t you?”

Her tongue darted out and wet her lower lip. With a deep breath she asked, “Why am I not married with kids?” I nodded and she continued, “I don’t know… Didn’t find the right guy, I guess.”

I wondered if that meant she _had_ found other men, even if they had been temporary. But who was I kidding, of course she had. Ten years was a long time to remain celibate for a man who didn’t show any sign of coming back.

“But you weren’t alone these years.” I didn’t ask. Because I knew the answer. Her shoulders straightened and her eyes dimmed with an emotion I couldn’t quite place.

“No,” she sighed. She bit her thumbnail as if she were trying to keep from saying anything else about the matter. But I wanted to know. I needed to know.

“Did you love any of them?”

It hurt to ask the question even if I had no right to feel that way. I had been with plenty of women in our time apart. And I knew without a doubt my number surpassed hers by a longshot. But still, the ache of thinking about her loving someone else was undeniably the worst kind of torture. Because no matter how many women I tried to use to get over Veronica, no matter the amount of alcohol I had tried to drown in, no matter how high I got every night to forget— my high would end, I would wake up the next morning, and I would remember the pain. I would remember the way she laughed. I would remember the love I had shared with another person for a short time. I remembered it all.

She let out a frustrated breath and threw her head back, staring at the ceiling. That hurt worse than I had expected. I had my answer.

“It’s okay,” I tried telling her. She had no reason to feel guilty for moving on after I walked out on her.

Her head lowered and those pretty, blue eyes met mine again. Biting her lower lip she studied me before saying, “I didn’t get the chance to find out. I would always leave before it ever got too serious.”

The air left my lungs.

She hadn’t loved anyone?

She hadn’t loved anyone.

But she had loved me.

She hadn’t ever told me. Hell, I hadn’t ever told her that I loved her back either. We kept our lips sealed and our hearts off the line— or so we had tried to believe. We guarded those three words like our lives depended on it, refusing to let the each other hear what was so obvious. It was as if the spoken words would have sealed our fate that we had tried so desperately to ignore. But we hadn’t gained any peace from never telling each other the truth. Instead our unheard truth had been what kept us apart for years. It was why she had been across the country from me. It was why I had gotten in that damn taxi and left her standing in the rain.

It was why she hadn’t let herself love anyone.

It was why I hadn’t ever even tried to love anyone else.

It was why we were still here, ten years later, staring into each other’s eyes, daring each other to finally say what we hadn’t all those years before.

“Why?” I heard myself ask with a voice that I didn’t recognize. It sounded unsure and it lacked the confidence I usually exuded.

I leaned closer to her. Our mouths inches apart. Her breath hitched and she closed her eyes.

“You, Logan. It was always you.”

Her admission set my soul on fire. I was once again a redeemed man. A man who had been saved and sent on the path of salvation.

I wanted to dance through the streets the way King David had danced through the streets of Jerusalem, declaring she was mine and I was hers.

I brushed my lips against hers but didn’t kiss her. Instead I spoke the words I had fought against. The words I didn’t think I deserved to utter.

“I love you.”

She didn’t say it back, but when she kissed me, I felt it. I felt our pain mixed with a sweet ecstasy as her lips moved against mine. Each kiss was sealing and damaging.

_I love you too_ , she spoke wordlessly against me.

But I heard the words as if they had been spoken aloud.

And silently I returned them. Silently we spoke the words again and again.

_I love you, Veronica._

_I love you, Logan._

_I know._

_I know._

* * *

 

**Ten Years Earlier: Logan**

 

I spent the days following my dad’s phone call alone in my hotel room. I had received a dozen calls from Veronica and Lilly checking on my whereabouts and well-being, but I hit the ignore button each time. I needed time to collect my thoughts— figure out what I was going to do. Because before my dad dropped the paternity bomb on me, I had really begun to think I might have had a chance to keep Veronica.

But one phone call had shot that all to hell where the rest of my dreams had gone to die throughout my life with Aaron.

If I was going to break things off with Veronica, I couldn’t see her. I knew if I saw her, there was no way I could leave her. I would have said to hell with my inheritance and the years of work I had put toward building a business with Duncan.

So I sat, sulking for three days. Three days of solitude. Three days of silence. Three days in a tomb of a room. It was empty, aside from myself. Although, I too felt rather empty.

On the third day, I finally forced myself to return Veronica’s phone calls. I read through her messages to gage where she was emotionally before I made the call knowing that three days of not hearing from me had to have pissed her off.

 

August 5:

**Veronica** **_(11:27 AM)_ ** **: hey! Movie at my place tonight?**

**Veronica** **_(12:31 PM)_ ** **: you ok? Where are you?**

**Veronica** **_(12:42 PM)_ ** **: hey, I called you… Lemme know about the movie…**

**Veronica** **_(7:45 PM)_ ** **: Well… Idk what’s going on, but I hope you’re ok. I tried calling again, but I don’t want to bother you. Just give me a call when you can**

August 6:

**Veronica** **_(9:34 AM)_ ** **: Hey you there?**

**Veronica** **_(6:01 PM)_ ** **: Okay, seriously… Are you okay?? I’m gonna send Lilly over there if you don’t answer soon… Send a signal, any signal to let me know you’re alive.**

**Veronica** **_(6:46 PM)_ ** **: Honestly, any signal. Smoke, morse code, telepathically if that’s something you can do...**

**Veronica** **_(11:44 PM)_ ** **: Lilly said you told her to go away. At least I know you’re alive… what’s going on Logan??**

August 7:

**Veronica (1:02 AM): WTF Logan.**

**Veronica (3:30 AM): whatever, I’m done trying to get a hold of you. Want to talk? You know where to find me.**

 

She didn’t answer the first time I tried calling her. Not that I really blamed her. I had been an asshole, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she decided to leave my sorry ass in the dust. But a selfish part of me wanted to hear her. Everything within me begged to be near her again.

So I got out of bed and got ready. I dressed in my damn best. I shaved, brushed my teeth, and peeled my pride off of the floor where it was waiting for me.

As I made my way out of the door, down the elevator and out of the grand foyer of the hotel, I was still uncertain how I was going to approach the situation I found myself in. I had spent three days trying to convince myself leaving her was the best choice for everyone, the easy choice. But as I neared my car, I couldn’t help but acknowledge the one single fault in my plan: I was falling for Veronica. I was falling and I really didn’t think there was anyway to stop it now. I was either going to crash and burn, or soar with her by my side.

Veronica’s apartment was quiet when I reached their front door. Normally you could hear the television playing in the background when you stood and waited for them to answer the door. But not that day. No, it was eerily quiet.

I knocked on their door and held my breath, hating the fact that I still didn’t have a gameplan. Knowing exactly how this was going to turn out. I would lie, tell her that something came up and that was why I had gone MIA for three days, and I would go on pretending as though this little fling was what I wanted. I would have her for a couple more weeks and then I would leave her behind. I knew, deep down, that she felt for me more than she admitted. I felt it in every touch and saw it in her eyes when she looked at me. I just needed to ignore all of that and hope that when I left, she wouldn’t be left to pick up the pieces.

I heard shuffling from the other end of the door, and when the door swung open, I was face to face with a very pissed off Lilly Kane.

“Oh, look who decided to join the living.”

“Lilly, I need to talk to Veronica, please.”

“Oh _now_ you wanna talk??” Lilly crossed her arms and gave me her best bitch face.

“Come on, Lil… Just let me see her.”

I tried to push my way past her, but she held her ground.

“Logan Echolls,” she growled, quiet and almost a whisper, “I swear to sweet baby Jesus, I will fucking murder your ass if you hurt her.”

I felt the guilt swimming in my stomach, but I gave her a scowl that told her she wasn’t scaring me.

“I don’t see how any of this is your business.”

“You idiot! Of course it is!” she hissed, “Veronica is my best friend! Maybe you two dumbasses can’t see what everyone else sees, but this isn’t casual anymore. And if you guys keep going the way you are, you’ll both end up hurt.”

I rolled my eyes and tried to get past her yet again, but her slender arm blocked the doorway.

“Logan,” she pleaded. I finally looked her in the eyes, and saw the true concern she held for us there. “Logan, _please_ . You two are my favorite people in the world, even if it doesn’t always seem like it. I don’t want to see the aftermath of this wildfire. You _need_ to tell her how you feel about her… how you really feel about her.”

What Lilly didn’t know was that there was much more than feelings that needed some truth shed. But how the hell was I supposed to make this work? If I chose Veronica, a girl I barely knew, I lost everything. But if I chose to listen to Aaron, I still felt like I was losing everything anyway. I was damned if I did, damned if I didn’t.

I took a hold of Lilly’s arm and lowered it so I could pass by her, but before I did, I heard her whisper one last plea, “Logan, promise you won’t hurt her.”

I didn’t respond. I walked past her as if I didn’t hear her words. Because the truth was I couldn’t promise her shit. Because I had a feeling this thing Veronica and I were pretending to do so casually was going to end in nothing but heartache.

I just wished that I had the strength to walk away before that happened.

* * *

 

**Ten Years Previously: Veronica**

 

I could hear Lilly talking to someone at our front door, and if I had to bet, it was Logan. I wondered if he had come to finally end things with me or if he had come to grovel. Either way he needed a damn good excuse for ghosting me for three days without a single word.

A knock on my bedroom door indicated that either Lilly or our guest was waiting for my answer. An answer they weren’t going to receive because I felt like being a mopey bitch and didn’t care to hear what anyone had to say in that moment. But when a second knock came, I blew out a frustrated breath and threw the covers off of me. Not only had this person ruined whatever peace I had been feeling before they arrived, they were also the reason I was no longer snuggled into my warm comforter.

Throwing the door open, I found a very guilty Logan staring back at me, which pissed me off more than I had expected.

“Logan,” was all I said. It came out like a growl, which wasn’t too far off considering the fact that I was currently imagining what it would feel like to punch his pretty little face.

“Veron—”

I threw my hand up, cutting him off from whatever it was he was about to say.

“I honestly don’t want to hear it.”

“Just let me explain—”

“No.”

“Please.”

“Maybe in three days,” I shot back. I was being passive aggressive as fuck, but honestly the asshole deserved it. Who did he think he was? He had led me to believe we were more than our casual fucks and fooling around, but clearly I had been wrong. Even worse, he had refused to talk to me for three days.

I had been worried sick about him before I sent an annoyed Lilly over to his suite. When she returned with news that he was, in fact, alive and was actually just a dick who refused to answer my calls and texts, I was livid. It was common decency to let the person you’re currently seeing that you’re okay. But I hadn’t heard a single word.

“I deserve that,” he relented, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck looking remorseful. Damn right he deserved it.

“I thought you had gotten hurt or something,” I told him in a softer voice. It cracked and I cursed myself for being so weak around him, but just thinking about the worry that had coursed through me for those few hours of not knowing what was going on had my heart breaking all over again.

“I know… I’m really sorry.”

“You know what?” I threw my hands up exasperated and over the drama of it all. This was supposed to be fun. I was supposed to let go and be young and carefree. This was far from that, and I didn’t feel like getting broken all over again in such a short amount of time. So I continued, “This was just a fling. It’s no big deal. You wanna leave for three days and act like I don’t exist? You can. Because I’m not your girlfriend. I’m not even sure I’m the only girl you’re…” My voice trailed off because I didn’t want to finish that sentence. I saw the anger simmering behind his amber eyes.

“You think I’m fucking other women?” he demanded. His voice was so deep and strained I couldn’t help but gulp and close my eyes. I didn’t want to see the look he was giving me any longer.

“I don’t know,” I told him honestly.

The loud bang coming from the right side of my head had my eyes flying open in surprise. He had hit the wall beside us.

What the hell?!

“Get the fuck out!” I finally snapped. There was no way he got to be mad at _me_ when he had been the inconsiderate asshole.

“No,” he refused.

“I’m done, Logan. This was just supposed to be fun!” The more we argued the higher my voice became. I was getting emotional and squeaky, and I couldn’t believe he was getting to me like this. This was why I should have been smarter about this. What did I think I was doing when I agreed to this arrangement?

“I’m not fucking other people, Veronica. How could you even…” He scrubbed his face with the palms of his hands and returned his angry eyes to mine. “How could you even think that? What is it I’ve said and done that made you draw that conclusion?”

I knew he was telling the truth, and though he was going about this the entirely wrong way, I knew I had really hurt his feelings.

“Logan…” Taking a slow breath to steady my racing heart, I tried to finish sounding more collected than I felt, “We never said we were together… you know like… boyfriend, girlfriend. And then these past three days… I don’t know. It just seems more complicated now.”

_Complicated_ now _?_ my heart wanted to laugh at me. _Try, complicated from the beginning, Honey._

“Look, I only have a couple more weeks left here in Neptune… Can we just finish this thing off and see where we end up at the end of those two weeks? Why make any major decisions now?”

He had to be kidding me. He went from being mad at me to sounding as though he couldn’t bear the thought of losing me. Logan had to be the most complicated man I had ever encountered. I didn’t know what he expected from this thing between us. I honestly wasn’t sure if _he_ knew what he wanted.

“Logan—”

“Veronica, don’t decide right now. I didn’t talk to anyone these past three days because some family shit came up, and it put me in a bad place. But I’m here now. And I’m here saying that I’m sorry for being a dick. I don’t want to waste time being angry with each other. Not when I’m leaving so soon.”

He was leaving in a mere couple weeks. That was enough to snap me out of any thoughts I was having and back to reality. Our harsh and unavoidable reality. He was still leaving. I was still staying. Each second I spent with him had me falling harder for this man who surprised me with every turn. He was kind and deep and misunderstood and hurting and beautiful. I wouldn’t be able to let him go if I kept going this way with him. No, it would be easier to end things now rather than later.

But why did it feel so wrong?

“Okay… No decisions today. But that means I need you to go. Because I can’t have you here when I’m trying to think.”

“Because I’m a distraction?” he asked playfully, but it fell flat. Nothing about this moment was happy or funny.

“Something like that,” I tried to smile back.

He stepped forward and kissed the top of my head before pulling me into a tight hug.

“I really am sorry, Veronica,” he mumbled into my hair. “For leaving you hanging like that. For making you think that I was off with other girls. For making you feel like you aren’t enough for me. Because, baby… you’re everything. You have to know that.”

His words sent a painfully wonderful jolt into my heart.

_You’re everything_ …

It echoed in my mind again and again until I was dizzy with one overwhelming feeling: love.

And love wasn’t exactly what I was supposed to be feeling when I was about to end things with someone.

“Okay,” was the only thing I could think to say back without sounding like an idiot.

He pulled away and placed a chaste kiss against my lips.

“I’ll see you later?” He sounded unsure so I nodded my head.

“Yeah.”

“Okay…” He shoved his hands in his pockets and backed away from me, keeping his eyes locked with mine. “I’ll see you soon.”

I nodded again, unable to let any words leave my mouth.

We were agreeing to at least one more day.

So why did it feel like goodbye?

* * *

 

**Present: Veronica**

 

 

_He_ loved me.

He loved _me_.

He _loved_ me.

The moment his lips had touched mine, all was right in the world once again. He took my breath away and yet gave me life all at once. When he finally pulled away from me, his lips revealing the most beautiful smile I had ever seen on that man, and I knew that we were going to be okay. We had found each other again. This time it would work.

“Veronica,” he sounded as breathless as I felt, “baby, I’ve missed you.”

The ache in my heart could not be ignored. I had missed him too. More than he would ever know. I wanted to tell him that I felt the same way. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but the years of uncertainty still resided within me. I was worried I would give my heart over to a man who would leave me again. I couldn’t handle that— to be left.

When he realized I didn’t know what to say back, he just gave me a wink and pulled me from the counter. “Come here, I have something to show you.”

Holding my hand, he pulled me from the kitchen to his living room area. It was the same room that he had shown me when I first came here a couple weeks before. I was reminded of the shock I had felt when I saw Logan pull open his door, and the mirrored shock in his face to see me too.

We stopped in front of a large wall, the one that had originally donned a New York skyline photo. The New York piece was now replaced with my own. The black and white photo looked amazing in his home. Everything about his house was clinical in a good way. The dark metals paired with white furniture made the space look clean and perfect and masculine.

“What do you think?” he asked me. He almost sounded shy which was completely unlike Logan.

“It’s perfect,” I told him honestly. A rush of guilt seeped into my veins when I realized that he still didn’t know that the photo hanging on his wall was mine.

He nodded in agreement and furrowed his brows. “I wish I knew who took it… I would love to see their other pieces. There hasn’t been an art piece that has spoken to me like this one has in a long time… if ever.”

Guilt. That was the only thing I felt in that moment. I had to tell him. He needed to know.

“It was me,” I blurted covering my face with my hands. “It’s my piece,” my muffled voice told him.

The silence that followed was excruciating. I waited from behind my hands for him to say something, anything. The huge clock that hung across the room was the only thing that made a sound. _Tick. Tick. Tick._

I peeked from between my fingers not to find Logan angry or upset, but instead looking rather amused.

Taking a deep breath, I lowered my hands and shoved them into the back pockets of my jeans. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you… I was worried you’d change your mind about wanting it once you found out it was mine.”

His amused looked turned to one of confusion and something that looked a bit like anger.

“Why wouldn’t I want it if I knew it was yours?”

I debated whether to tell him the truth, but I decided we had spent too much time not being honest as it was, so I went for it. “Honestly? I thought you’d find it weird to have it in your house… With our history and all.”

I watched as he licked his lips and sighed, “You really thought that little of me?” he asked quietly.

I knew my assumption had left him hurt, I could hear it in his voice. But part of me couldn’t help but be defensive. What did he expect? I hadn’t heard from him in ten years and he had left me without much of a goodbye. He had made me feel cheap and dirty by the way he left things, and I had carried that with me all those years. Even now, standing and staring at a man who claimed to love me, I couldn’t help but feel the rejection from our past. How could he be so surprised that I had wanted to keep the identity of the photographer from him?

“Well, it’s not like we left things on good terms…”

I was trying my hardest to not drudge up the past. I wished we could pretend like we had only been away from each other for days rather than years, but we needed to get everything out in the open. We would never move on if we kept everything buried.

“I thought we had… I thought…” I watched as Logan’s face scrunched in confusion. He groaned and ran his hands through his hair. “Shit, I don’t know what I thought. Maybe I just told myself we left things okay because I didn’t want to admit I hurt the one person I never wanted to.”

Unwanted tears stung the back of my eyes, threatening to show up as uninvited guests to our discussion.

“You did, you know.” Breathing through my nose, ignoring the lump in my throat as I spoke, “You hurt me.”

“I know…” He took a step closer to me, but I pulled back, not ready to feel his touch. His nearness always had a way of making me forget everything bad, and right now we needed to remember the bad.

“Why did you? Hurt me, I mean.”

I wasn’t sure I wanted his answer, but I prayed that he would be honest with me for once. Years of trying to dissect every moment we shared together, every conversation, to try to find an answer for his disappearance had driven me insane. I needed to know, even if the truth was ugly.

Logan looked away from me and turned his attention to the photo of the happy girl on the beach. The juxtaposition of the emotions found in the photo and the emotions that filled the room we stood in were almost funny if any humor could be found in our love story’s tragedy.

“I didn’t think you would want to keep me,” he whispered.

He didn’t think I wanted to keep him? Was he insane? I replayed every happy moment we had shared together. Had I really been that bad at showing him how I felt? I thought I had done my best to put my heart on my sleeve when we were kids, but maybe I was wrong.

I hadn’t just wanted to keep him. I had wanted to drown in him.

“What?” My voice cracked from the emotion I was feeling. “Why would you think that?”

He didn’t look at me when he answered, “I heard you and Lilly that night. The night before I left… I didn’t want to get in the way of your future. So I made the decision for us both to leave. I wanted to give you the best shot at a normal and happy life…”

The tears I had been trying to ignore began to fall down my cheeks. I angrily swiped at them, not wanting to show how much I hurt. I hated that he still had this power over me. I hated that my heart had chosen him and never let go even when my head had tried. I hated how much I still loved this man.

“What do you mean you heard Lilly and me?” I demanded. I had no idea what he was talking about. The night before he had left, I was hanging out at home with Lilly, drinking wine and watching ridiculous romance movies that had reminded me of Logan. I had spent the entire night wishing I was in his arms as he made love to me rather than with my bitter friend who was going through a breakup.

“I… I came by that night. I was going to surprise you guys with dessert and wine, but when I got there… Veronica I heard what you told her.”

My memory of the things I could have said that night was fuzzy from ten years that had passed. What had he heard? I had been head over heels for him.

And then I remembered.

I gasped and looked at him with wide eyes. And when he turned to look at me I knew.

Every second I had spent away from him wondering where I had gone wrong. Wondering why he had left me in the rain.

It had been my fault.

_My fault._

Mine.

* * *

 

**Ten Years Previously: Veronica**

 

 

Logan may have given me physical space the day after he had come over to my apartment, but he sure as hell didn’t understand what needing space meant. My phone constantly pinged with texts full of little reminders that he cared about me. Something about three days of silence followed by a day of constant buzzing grated on my nerves.

He had really done a number those three days he had done his little vanishing act. He knew that I was insecure about being left behind. Yet he hadn’t thought twice when he did it himself. He had told me he had family shit, but was I honestly supposed to believe him? Why couldn’t he have just told me he was at least okay?

Something didn’t add up, and if there was one thing I hated, it was liars. I had spent my life surrounded by them, and I wasn’t about to give myself over fully to another one.

I jumped when our front door burst open and a pissed off Lilly came bustling through.

“Jesus, Lil what’s got your panties in a wad?” I joked, but the bitterness that was resting in my gut showed up in my tone and I just sounded bitchy.

“I’m so fucking done with men, Veronica,” she told me. She rushed past me and headed in the direction of our kitchen.

Shit. I knew what had happened, and shot up a quick prayer to the Big Man Upstairs, praying things weren’t about to get ugly. I had a feeling He didn’t hear me, if the way my life had been going was any indication.

“What happened?” I called from my spot on the couch.

“Brody is a fucking douche. That’s what happened,” she yelled back. I listened as the kitchen cabinets were opened and slammed shut. I remained quiet until she returned with a glass of wine and a sour expression.

“What did he do?” I probed.

She took a swig of wine before answering, “He’s not ready to make things ‘official’ with me and said he thought we were just having fun.” Another gulp of wine and she continued, “Can you believe that shit? I, Lilly Freaking Kane, finally put myself out there and asked for a relationship and that’s what I get?”

I hadn’t realized that she felt so seriously about Brody. The last I had heard he was her flavor of the month.

I raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. When Lilly was angry, she bit off the head of anyone who she came in contact with.

“I know what you’re thinking,” she accused me. She wiggled her finger in my direction while she took another sip of her drink. “Lilly Kane doesn’t do boyfriends. Well, this just confirmed that.”

I felt sad for my best friend as well as angry. I wished she had told me she was wanting to date. I would have begged her to look for another man to do it with. Brody was all dudebro, and apparently she was the only one who hadn’t seen it. I was silently thankful he had denied her request to be her boyfriend. I couldn’t imagine having to keep that guy around.

“You can do better, Lils. You have to know that. So what if this asshole wasn’t the one? There’s a man out there who would die to have you as their own.”

Lilly plopped down beside me and sighed. It was then that I saw the unshed tears in her eyes and the way that her cheeks were flushed. She had been crying before she came home. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her into me.

“I don’t want to be owned, Veronica.”

“Being in love isn’t being owned,” I argued softly. “It just means you get to spend the rest of your life feeling something only a handful of people are lucky to really find.”

She peeked at me out of the corner of her eye, “And have you found that Veronica Mars?”

Had I?

I knew what I felt for Logan went beyond whatever I had felt with Duncan. I had always thought I loved Duncan, but it wasn’t until Logan barged into my life that everything I thought I had known was turned upside down.

“I think so,” I replied. Lilly clucked in surprise, and I had to admit even I was surprised by my answer.

“Well, I have to say. There’s worse people to fall in love with than Logan Echolls. He’s fiercely loyal and kind. It helps that he’s sexy as all hell too,” she giggled. I rolled my eyes at her. It should have felt weird, talking about her ex with her, but she was the best friend anyone could have asked for and knowing she approved put my mind at ease.

“Come on, best friend. Let’s get drunk and watch rom coms while stuffing our mouths with spoonfuls of chocolate ice cream.”

Lilly smiled at me. “See, this is why I keep you around,” she joked.

I shoved her before getting up and running to my room. I needed to head to the store to pick up our night’s worth of alcohol and creamy treats. I shot Logan a text telling him what had happened with Lilly, hoping she wouldn’t care that I told him.

I was in my car when I got his text.

 

**Logan: shit… do you guys need anything?**

**Veronica: no, I’m getting ice cream at the store while she showers. Girl’s night tonight. Hoping it’ll help her feel better.**

**Logan: if you need anything lemme know**

**Veronica: will do**

**Logan: And Veronica?**

**Logan: I miss you.**

 

I didn’t text him back because I still didn’t know what to say. I wanted to let go of what happened and forgive him, and part of me already had. But the insecure part, the broken one, couldn’t stop worrying and overthinking.

_He’s going to leave. You know this, you idiot. Don’t fall for something that’s temporary._

But I already had, and I knew it.

All I could do now was brace myself for the collision at the end of the fall.

I returned home with Lilly’s favorite ice cream and four bottles of wine. Realistically I knew I didn’t actually need that much, but I figured my best friend would appreciate the extra Rosé.

“Bitch, what took you so long?” Lilly laughed as she settled into the couch. Her outstretched hands demanded one of the bottles I had just bought. “The bottle opener is in the kitchen, be a doll and go fetch it for me?”

I rolled my eyes and headed toward our kitchen.

“Oh, and Veronica? You’re gonna need your own bottle, because I’m not sharing. I need all of this if I’m going to have even the slightest chance at forgetting what a shitshow today has been.”

I found our opener in one of our drawers that contained mismatched appliances and carried my own bottle of wine back to the living room. Lilly was getting whatever movie she had chosen started, and didn’t even look my way when I sat on the ground beside the couch.

“Thank you,” she told me quietly as if she said it any louder someone would hear her and realize she was capable of breaking like anyone else.

“What are friends for?”

“Wine and ice cream and sappy movies,” she snorted, once again shielding her emotions with the façade of being happy and carefree.

I bit my lip, not wanting to push her past her limit, but silently wishing she would just let me in sometimes.

But Lilly Kane was a force to be reckoned with, and even when she was breaking, she appeared to be whole.

The rest of our girl’s night was filled with sweet wine, loud music we sung our hearts out to, and drunken girl talk.

“So what?” Lilly giggled taking another swig from her bottle of wine. We were both on our second bottle. It was a good thing I had picked up four after all. “You and Logan are dating now?”

I rolled my eyes dramatically and threw my hands in the air. “No… we’re just having fun for now.”

Lilly let out a laugh. It was syrupy and was the kind of laugh that could easily seep into your soul. Stupid Brody for not seeing what he had right in front of his damn face.

“You’re so full of shit. You guys are crazy about each other. It’s more than fun at this point.”

I was about to respond when I thought I heard the front door open. We were currently in Lilly’s room. She was laying on the bed and I was sprawled across her floor. When I didn’t hear any other noise from the living room, I brushed it off and looked up at my friend who was wiggling her eyebrows.

“It’s just a fling, Lilly. No matter how we might feel for each other. He’s going back to New York, and I’m staying here in California. He’ll go off and be some multi-billionaire while I find some suitable middle-class guy, probably a teacher or something, to start a family with.”

“ _Gawd_ ,” Lilly laughed, “Please don’t marry a teacher. That’s so lame.”

I giggled and closed my eyes. I tried to imagine a life with some average man. Maybe he would be a good guy. Someone to care for me and love me and provide for me. But each time I saw my future there was only one face I saw.

Logan.

“Unless Logan becomes a teacher, I don’t think we have to worry,” I mused aloud.

An excited gasp came from the bed and a squeal followed. “I fucking knew it!!”

“Shut up,” I told my best friend. We both became quiet, and I let the sound of her fan lull me into a drunken sleep.

Dreaming of the man with amber eyes who had completely stolen my heart and my future.

* * *

 

**Ten Years Previously: Logan**

 

 

_He’ll go off and be some multi-billionaire while I find some suitable middle-class guy, probably a teacher or something, to start a family with._

Veronica’s sweet voice rang through my head as I hurried out of their apartment and rushed to my car. I was such an idiot for thinking that I could be the guy someone like her would settle down with. Apparently, I had read all of the signs wrong. She had never promised me her future. She promised me the present and I had been the one to ask for it in the first place.

Of course, she didn’t see herself marrying me. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I saw myself marrying ever. All I had known was that I wanted to have her for the rest of my goddamn life. Something we clearly were not on the same page for.

_Stupid. So stupid._

I hated that I had been willing to give up everything for her. I was going to choose this woman who had put me under her spell in such a short time over my family name and my future as a business man. What was I thinking?

As I drove back to The Grand, I tried to pretend that I didn’t feel the pain that came with every beat of my heart. Because I, Logan Echolls, did not do this shit. I didn’t fall for pretty girls and throw away my future for them. I didn’t let them have my heart just for them to say they didn’t want it. I was a man who didn’t need anyone, not a father who took out his anger on my marred skin, not a mother who cried and covered her ears to my screams, not a best friend who had betrayed me by going to my father during a tantrum, and not a girl who made me believe I was finally saved.

I kicked the door to my room closed and pulled at my hair. I wanted it all to go away. I hated feeling vulnerable. I hated that I had put myself in a position to get hurt.

Throwing my clothes into my suitcases, I packed for my journey back home. There was no reason to stay any longer in sunny California. No, the cold concrete of New York City was waiting for the return of a man who would never be the same again.

Because Veronica destroyed more than my hopes for our future with her words. She took a part of me, a part of my soul that I had willingly given her, and I wouldn’t ever get it back.

_She deserves better. And when you’re out of the picture, she’ll get better. She’ll find a man who doesn’t come from a shitty family. She’ll find a man who can give her marriage, give her children, give her a home._

Because while I was willing to give her my everything. It wasn’t enough. Not for her.

Because all I had to offer was a mangled heart.

A heart that cracked each time blood coursed through it.

She.

_Crack_

Was.

_Crack_

My.

_Crack._

Everything.

But the truth was, I wasn’t her anything but a fun time.

And that was when everything shattered.

* * *

 

**Ten Years Previously: Veronica**

 

When I woke up, stiff from sleeping on Lilly’s bedroom floor, I couldn’t help but smile. I loved the shit out of Logan, and it was about time I told him. Even if he left, we could still work out. Long distance was a scary thought, but we could Skype… or he could visit whenever he had the time. Maybe I would finally be able to visit The Big Apple.

Regardless, I wasn’t going to let him go. We was mine. And I was completely his.

I groaned as my muscles protested when I sat up. My head spun from a massive wine hangover, and my mouth felt like I had swallowed sand the night before. Lilly was snoring on her bed. She was out, and I knew it would be a couple of hours before she woke up. It gave me enough time to head to The Grand to talk to Logan.

The nervous flutter in my stomach stayed with me as I got ready and eventually headed to the hotel. What if he didn’t want to date me? What if he didn’t feel the same way about me?

No he had to. I could _feel_ it.

When I finally made my way to the suite he was staying in, my stomach dropped at what I saw. The excited butterflies that had been flapping within me came to a halt and died.

Logan’s door was wide open, housekeeping cleaning the room thoroughly. His suitcases were piled in the doorway and Logan was pacing the floor while talking animatedly on his cell.

“Yeah, I’ll be arriving at 11:45,” he paused and sighed, “Yes, Dad, I remember… Jesus Christ, okay!” The harshness of his voice made me flinch. This wasn’t my Logan. This was some stranger that I didn’t understand or like. He seemed cold and stiff. He wasn’t the sunny person that could make me melt with one of his wide smiles. “‘Kay, bye.”

He shoved his phone into his pocket and turned to where I was silently standing while watching him.

“What’s going on?” I forced out, though I knew the answer.

He was leaving.

“I have a plane to catch, Veronica. What do you need?” His words were like winter. Frigid and burning cold. They felt like ice and cut me. They’d leave a scar.

“A plane?” I asked stupidly. Everything I had come to say died on my tongue as I watched his eyebrows furrow. His stare told me I was unwelcome.

“Well, I’m not _sailing_ to New York.”

New York.

Wherelse had I thought he was going?

“New York? You’re…” I looked around the room and back at his cold glare, “You’re leaving?”

“Something came up, and I have to leave earlier than I thought,” he shrugged.

Shrugged. He broke the news as though it was no big deal. Like he wasn’t leaving me here alone.

Then it hit me.

“Were you even going to say goodbye?” I demanded. As my shock wore off it was replaced with a fire of exasperation.

“No.”

Even through my anger, I felt his words pierce me. Confusion set in once again, and I felt lightheaded. I had read everything so completely wrong.

As if he could sense my confusion he explained rather hastily, “I wasn’t going to have time. I was going to call you.”

_Call me_? As if a phone call to break the news that he had left was enough.

I could feel the blood rushing to my head and I began to shake.

“I’m sorry to have ruined your plan,” I ground out.

Our conversation was interrupted by a couple of hotel staff who were taking his baggage to his car. Without a word, Logan brushed past me and followed them.

I trailed behind, wringing my hands together. I couldn’t quite place how I felt. Betrayed, hurt, sad, angry, disappointed.

Too much was racing through my head as we made our way outside to where the rental car was idling.

We both watched as the staff threw the suitcases into the trunk. They looked as heavy as my heart felt. Logan wordlessly tipped them and they left us alone on the sidewalk.

“I’m sorry,” Logan whispered, his back to me.

“I don’t understand…”

I felt a drop of water hit my cheek. Thinking it was a tear, I wiped it away as another fell on my arm. Looking up I saw that it had begun to rain.

Of fucking course. Because nothing said heartbreak like a goodbye in the rain. It was cliche and I hated it.

I hated everything about this moment.

Logan’s shoulders tensed and I watched as he slowly turned to face me. His eyes had softened and the thin line of his lips had disappeared into a frown. For a split second he looked like I felt: devastated.

“I thought we had more time… But it was fun while it lasted, right?” Something was off in the tone of his voice. It sounded like a lie.

It _was_ a lie.

“Don’t go,” I finally broke. The tears fell, and he shook his head as he pulled me into him.

“Don’t cry, Veronica. Please.”

He wiped away my tears but when that didn’t work he replaced his thumb with his mouth, kissing them away.

“I don’t… I can’t… What…” but I was crying too hard to sound coherent.

“Shh,” he murmured into my ear. “Please don’t cry,” he choked out.

He kissed me softly before pulling away.

“Logan, wait,” I pleaded through my tears.

He gave me a pained look, one that told me he didn’t want this.

So why was he leaving?

“Bye, Veronica,” he told me before jumping into the car.

I watched as he pulled away from the curb and drove off…

Without a single look back.


	8. Come Back, Be Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!!
> 
> Since y'all were amazing and patient, here's an early chapter!! And it's MUCH happier. Like WAY happier. 
> 
> I'm gonna rate this E for Explicit, JUST TO BE SAFE. I mean, if you REALLY don't like smut... you can go ahead and skip past the steamy scene. I won't judge ya... much ;)
> 
> Thanks for everyone's support. And I'm sorry I'm behind in answering all of your lovely responses. I've been typing like crazy, trying to get these last couple chapters done. 
> 
> Y'all rock!  
> XO,  
> Britt

**Present: Veronica**

 

As I told Logan the truth of what happened, I saw realization set in. Everything we had been through had been due to a misunderstanding. He had heard part of the conversation between Lilly and I and completely missed the part where I chose him. I told him how I had rushed over to The Grand the next morning to tell him I wanted him to be mine and only mine, only to find him leaving without so much as a goodbye. 

He stood and silently listened. Even though pain was etched on his face, I couldn’t help but admire how beautiful he looked. And he was perfect. And he was there. And now he was mine. 

“I can’t believe…” Logan paused as his voice cracked and he cleared his throat, “I can’t believe I’ve gone ten years without you because I thought that I was giving you what you needed, what you wanted.” 

His eyes, the amber ones that reminded me of a strong whiskey, drifted toward the ceiling and he shook his head in disbelief. I closed the distance between us and pulled his hands into mine. 

“It’s not just your fault. Neither of us had been honest about how we really felt. We were stupid and young… But we’re here now. We have our second chance at this, at us.” 

Amber eyes peered into my blue ones, and they felt like home. No, better than home, it felt like heaven. Standing with our hands clasped together, our eyes searching for the answers we needed, felt something like relief. Like a deep breath after holding your head underwater until your lungs hurt. Like a warm bed after a long pilgrimage. 

“I’m never letting you go again,” he said earnestly, pressing his lips against mine. 

They were soft and slow. Logan took his time as though he were trying to get to know my lips again. Groaning he swept his tongue across the bottom of my lip, asking for entrance, begging for more. I granted his tongue access and it danced against mine. He tasted like wine and forgotten memories. 

Logan pulled away only to lead us to his couch. He laid me down on my back and pressed his body into mine. 

“You’re mine,” he told me with such fierceness, I whimpered into his mouth as it crashed down on me again. 

He pulled away and brushed my hair away from my face. 

“Tell me you’re mine,” he demanded. “Tell me you’ve always been mine.”

I was drunk off our kisses and all I could think about was how much I needed him. It was past want. Past lust. It was a need that surpassed anything I had ever felt. I needed his mouth on mine, giving me breath again. I needed his hands caressing my skin to bring me back to life. I needed him on me, around me, in me. 

“I’m yours,” I agreed hoarsely. “I’ve always been yours.”

And then we were connected again. Tasting, biting, licking. Making up for lost time, rushed touches, teeth clanking. I lifted my hips to get the friction my body desperately needed. Desire had begun to pool between my legs, and I was completely consumed by the man that was kissing me senseless. 

I thrusted my hips again, and that time I connected with him and felt just how much he needed me too. He was hard and thick like I remembered him. 

A groan from Logan sent my head spinning. “Veronica,” he ground out, “We should slow down.” 

Fuck that. We had been at a dead stop for ten years. Personally, I didn’t think we were going fast enough. 

“No,” I argued breathlessly. His lips found my neck. He sucked the tender place that he knew drove me crazy. 

_ Ho-ly. Shit. _

“Please!” The cry that came from me startled us both, and Logan chuckled darkly against my skin. 

“Baby, you’re gonna kill me.” 

I wanted to tell him that I thought  _ he  _ was going to be the death of  _ me _ . But hell, it would be a perfect way to go.

His hands slipped underneath my shirt, cupping my breasts over my bra, rolling my hardened nipples between fingers. I pressed my chest further into him, needing him closer even if I didn’t think we’d ever be close enough. 

When his mouth connected to the place behind my ear, the one that always had a way of making me squirm, I let out a moan and couldn’t help but writhe underneath him. 

His body was strong and firm— he was all man. We had first met at twenty years old. We were really still kids then. He must have spent time working out because he was more muscular now. More rigid. More everything. This wasn’t a young kid trying to get his rocks off. No, he knew exactly what he was doing, even more so than he had years before. Every kiss, every trace he made with his fingertips, every nip was intentional and done with precise care. 

“I need you,” he breathed into the sensitive flesh of my neck. 

“Then have me,” I returned. 

He pulled up so that he could see me. See the way my eyes begged for him to take me. See the way my breasts rose and fell with every heavy breath I took. He leaned back and kissed the corner of my mouth. It was a ghost of a kiss, barely touching me, yet it felt so intimate. 

I wiggled underneath him, egging him on— asking without words for him to undress me. 

The smug look on his face indicated that he knew exactly what I was wanting. Sitting he pulled his own shirt off, and I gasped. I had never seen him without a shirt and now I knew why. Silver, jagged lines criss crossed against his chest and upper arms. If I had to guess there were probably more on his back. Eyes wide, I traced the deeper scars gingerly with my index finger as though they were still open wounds that could easily be reopened with the slightest touch. 

So this is what he had been hiding from me.

“If we’re doing this thing again,” he told me in a soft voice, “we’re doing it with no rules. It’s all or nothing, baby, and I choose all.” 

He caught my hand that was still tracing his marred skin in his own and pulled it to his lips. He gently placed a kiss on my knuckles before answering my silent questions, “My dad liked to use me as a punching bag… Now I’ve got the tattoos to remind me.” 

“I’m so sorry, Logan…” 

“I used to be ashamed of them. I thought they made me weak. But now I don’t mind them. They remind me that I’ll never let someone have that kind of power over me again.” 

I listened to him and tried not to cry. My Logan, my sweet, wonderful Logan had been through more than I had realized. I had always known there was tension between him and his parents, but I would have never imagined it was something quite that horrific. 

I knew he didn’t want to be pitied. So instead, I did the only other thing I could think of to do. I lifted myself up so that we were chest-to-chest, and began running my tongue across his collarbone. When I reached the hollow of his neck I peppered kisses down and onto each scar I could come in contact with. I kissed them to show him that I still found him to be the most handsome man I had ever seen. I kissed them to take away the pain that each one had once caused. I kissed them to make them, like the rest of him, mine. 

“Veronica,” he groaned, tangling his hands in my blonde hair. “God, I love you.” 

I slipped off the couch and continued to kiss him lower until my tongue skimmed the waistband of his boxers that peaked out from under his jeans. My hands shook as I unbuttoned his pants and slowly pulled them and his underwear down his legs. His erection sprung free, begging for my lips to wrap around it. I licked the drop of precum from the pink head, and Logan let out a guttural sound of pleasure, urging me forward. I took him in my mouth as far as I could, and wrapped my hands around the part I couldn’t fit in my mouth. Logan’s hands wrapped my hair into a pony and rocked my head back and forth, deep and shallow, full and empty. 

I stared up at him and found his eyes watching me hungrily. I let his dick out of my mouth with a plop and pumped him in my hand a few times before standing and peeling off my shirt. The bra I wore underneath was a royal purple lace and from the look on Logan’s face told me he appreciated it. Undoing and unzipping my jeans, I hooked my thumbs in the loops and pulled them down slowly. I never broke eye contact with Logan, wanting to see every emotion that ran through his sparkling eyes. 

“Fuuuck,” he growled. Gone was the nice guy. His eyes were heavy with want. He licked his lips before yanking me toward him. The skin on my bare stomach burned at the touch of his soft, tanned skin. It wasn’t until then that I had even noticed that his skin was sun-kissed. I took a few seconds to appreciate it and the small freckles that danced across his shoulders. I wondered briefly where the hell he had gotten a tan during a New York winter. 

As his lips branded the heated skin of my neck and shoulders, his fingers danced across my panty line. Slowly he dipped his hand into my lacy thong. His thumb brushed across my oversensitive clit, and I let out a cry which only made him more determined and he slipped a finger between the slick folds of my sex. 

“You’re so wet.”

And I was. I was dripping with want for him. 

“Mmm,” was the only thing I could manage before he plunged two fingers into me. He worked them in and out of me, circling my clit with his thumb as he did. When I was close, my legs began to shake, and I didn’t think I would be able to stand any longer. 

“Logan,” I pleaded. For what? I wasn’t even sure. 

He pulled his fingers from me and I immediately felt empty. Logan pressed his index finger to my lips. It was coated with my juices and as he swiped his finger across my lower lip, I found myself following the trail with my tongue. 

“Jesus Christ.”

“I don’t think he’d approve of what we’re doing,” I joked. 

Logan gave a short laugh and sucked his two fingers in his mouth. 

“You taste as sweet as I remember… maybe even better.” 

His words sent an electric shot straight to my core. I pulled my thong and bra off of me before collapsing on the couch beside Logan who was still kneeling on it. 

He pushed his jeans and boxers fully off of his body before settling over me. His cock pressed against my belly, hard and thick. 

“I’m on the pill,” I told him suddenly, hoping he’d finally let us be together without anything between us. 

He hesitated before pulling my earlobe between his teeth. When he released it, his hot breath hit against me, sending shivers down my naked body. 

“Do you want me to come inside of you, Veronica?” I felt as he ran his tongue down my neck and back up. I nodded. 

With my consent, he settled his cock at my entrance. I was impatient for him to be inside of me. I craved him like a junkie craved their next hit. I let out a quiet whine just as he filled me in one swift move. I hadn’t been with anyone in a long time, so his sudden intrusion caused a small rush of pain. But as he continued to rock inside of me, pleasure overtook anything I had been feeling. 

“I’ve dreamt about being with you like this,” he told me between kisses. “You.”  _ Thrust _ . “Are.”  _ Thrust _ . “Mine.” 

I didn’t argue. Even if I had wanted to, which I didn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to make any words leave my mouth. All I saw was him. All I felt was him. All I knew was him. 

The sound of slapping, wet flesh filled the quiet room. It was the sound of our love making, a song that was setting my soul on fire. 

Each time he pushed himself farther into me I could hear one word over and over again. 

Mine. 

Mine. 

_ Mine. _

* * *

 

**Ten Years Earlier: Veronica**

 

The week after Logan’s departure was full of wallowing and being melodramatic. Both Lilly and I had been dumped, so to speak, and we were really feeding off of each other. It was worse than the time our cycles had synced and we had both PMS’ed at the same time. 

“Fucking boys,” she whined between mouthfuls of her peanut butter chocolate ice cream. 

“Yep,” was my curt reply. I had already eaten my weight in sweets and had opted out of this round of eating our feelings. Instead I picked at my nailbeds, wondering what Logan was doing. 

I had refused to contact him after he left, and told Lilly if she heard from him, I didn’t want to know. I had wasted a month swooning over him already and didn’t have anymore time to spend on Logan Freaking Echolls. 

“Maybe we shouldn’t be here,” she sighed before putting the carton of ice cream on our coffee table.

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe we should be out… You know, looking for rebound fucks.”

I swore that half the time my best friend and I were from different planets, because a rebound fuck sounded like the exact opposite of what I wanted to do. 

“You have fun with that,” I told her. 

“Shit… you’re right. It sounds like a terrible plan.” Lilly threw her arms dramatically in the air and let out a loud cry. “He fucking broke me! Brody broke me. I don’t even want sex right now!” 

I laughed at her, and she shot me a dirty look. 

“This is serious. We’re screwed, friend.” 

I had to agree with her on that. It was like we were stuck on a never ending ferris wheel. Around and around and around. We weren’t able to get off and move on. The cycle was getting old and making me crazy. 

“Have you heard from him?” I asked Lilly nodding my head to her cell that had been discarded on the floor beside us. 

“Nope. You?”

“Have I heard from Brody?” 

“No, you jackass, Logan.”

I sucked in my cheeks and gave a slow shake of my head. 

“He’s really gone.” Lilly sounded as shocked as I felt. It was some consolation knowing that I wasn’t the only one who had been blindsided by Logan’s actions. 

“He’s really gone,” I confirmed so quietly I wasn’t even sure she heard me. 

The words made my heart ache. 

Gone. 

It took Lilly all of three weeks before she was finally back to her old self. She danced while cooking, sang off key, and brought home men each weekend. I on the other hand was stuck between a state of resignation and hope. I couldn’t count on both hands how many times I had picked up my phone with the intention of getting a hold of Logan before thinking better of it. 

Lilly had kept true to her word and never uttered a single syllable of him, and I wasn’t sure if I was grateful or disappointed in that. She went on with life, acting as though everything was exactly as it had been before Logan had swept me away with his charm and good looks. Brody was a thing of the past, and it seemed like she believed I should be thinking the same thing about Logan. 

But I couldn’t. Because I had spent weeks telling myself he was just my present with my heart hoping he was my future too. Making him a thing of the past was easier said than done. 

Soon days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. 

Three months had past since I had last seen Logan when tragedy struck again. This time was in the form of a loss I had never imagined could hurt as bad as it had. 

Mom died. Killed by a drunk driver. It seemed the higher powers that be had a horrible sense of humor when they decided to have my alcoholic mother killed by a drunk driver. But the worst part of it all was watching Dad fall apart. He blamed himself for whatever reason, but I didn’t argue with his reasoning. The man that had hit them took off before the police got there. Without witnesses, the man got away while my world was turned upside down. 

Lilly was a great friend. She watched me as I walked the floors of our apartment like a ghost. She never pushed for me to talk about my feelings knowing how much I hated doing that. So instead she  made herself scarce, not knowing how to help me. I didn’t blame her. I would have done the same thing. 

Losing mom was a searing pain. Pain that I imagined losing a limb would be like. She and I hadn’t been close for ages, but she was still my momma. She was the woman who had sung lullabies at night when I was a child. The woman who cut off the crust on my sandwiches in my school lunches. She was the one who told me how pretty I was when I felt insignificant because of mean girls in my class. She was my best friend as a child. My tormentor as a teenager. My greatest life lesson when I was an adult. Yet she was still mine. She was my mother. And now she was gone. 

I needed my dad to be there for me through my depression that followed her death, but he was dealing with his own shit. That left Lilly who was MIA during the day. She had started school again, while I was taking the semester off. So I walked around our home in a trance for weeks. 

It was three weeks after Mom died that I started looking into schools. The first one that really caught my eye was NYU. 

_ New York. _

My heart did a weird flip as I researched the school and the different programs they offered. They had a Photography and Imaging degree. It was perfect. 

And it was near  _ him _ . 

I convinced myself, as I applied, that I wasn’t doing it because it was located in the same city as Logan Echolls. But it didn’t hurt. 

When Lilly got home that day I told her that I had applied to NYU and she eyed me suspiciously. Apparently she didn’t buy my, “this isn’t about Logan” bullshit as well as I did. 

“I swear,” I told her while making an ‘X’ across my chest, “This is not about him. Besides I don’t even know if we’d ever run into each other… It’s kind of a big city, you know.” 

She rolled her eyes at my sarcasm, and I knew she wasn’t even close to convinced. 

I wasn’t either. 

It took exactly thirteen days until I received my acceptance into NYU. I was shocked that I had actually been accepted, and I was elated that I finally had a plan that involved getting out of California. I needed a change of scenery. Dad had been distant and had dove into work and Lilly was busy with school. That left me alone, and suffocating in the amount of space I had. 

Lilly was extremely bummed when I told her that I was really leaving, but she agreed to go to New York with me to visit the campus and find an apartment. Her parents, and by parents I assumed her dad since her mom hated me, had found me a job at one of their offices in the city. I would be doing clerical work, but it paid well and I wasn’t going to complain. 

When Lilly and I stepped out of the car  that had picked us up from the airport and into the busy streets of New York, I was in awe. It was unlike anything I had ever scene. People passed us without a single glance our way, which was saying something considering that Lilly turned heads everywhere she went. But these people were too busy to notice us. We were just two faces in a sea of people. It felt freeing.

I loved it. 

We had spent an entire day exploring and eating our way through hole in the wall eateries. When we settled into our hotel suite, Lilly let out a content sigh. 

“Veronica, I think you might be onto something. This place is perfect. And holy shit the stores and fashion! I’m in heaven. Honestly.”

“Come with me.”

She bolted up from where she was laying on the bed, eyebrows to her hairline. 

“For real?!” she squealed. She was ridiculous if she thought I wouldn’t want her with me. 

“Yeah,” I shrugged. “If you like it, come with me.” 

She tapped her fingers against her lips pensively. 

“I have to finish out the school year. I can’t just leave halfway through first semester… And I’d have to find a school that my credits would transfer…” 

My heart sunk a bit. She wasn’t going to come after all. 

“Maybe after graduation?” I suggested. 

A smile crept to her lips and her eyes danced excitedly. “Yes! We could totally rule New York City… it’ll be like the Kardashians when they took Miami. But better.” 

I laughed, but my heart was warm. 

I was doing this. I was going to start over in a big city, a beautifully chaotic city, where nobody knew me. While I would miss sunny California, I had officially closed that chapter in my life.

An idea crossed my mind and I looked at my best friend. “There’s something I need to do.”

This girl needed to find the closest tattoo shop.

* * *

 

**Ten Years Earlier: Logan**

 

A month had passed since I left Veronica and my heart behind in California, and I found myself at a dinner date with a girl named Natalie. She was brunette, tanned, and tall. Her teeth were perfectly white, and her eyes were a deep green. She was everything Veronica wasn’t. Which made her exactly opposite of anything I wanted. 

Dad had set us up, her father was looking at doing business with my dad, and it was obvious what the intent of this date was. If she and I hit it off we could date. If we dated we could get serious. If we got serious we could get married. If we got married we’d have something even more important than babies. We’d have a merger. 

She was nice, but it seemed like she wanted to be there with me as much as I wanted to be there with her. We were a sad duo. Forced into an unwanted relationship solely because we’d been born into the wrong families. 

_ You could like her, sweetie, _ mom had told me before I left for the restaurant. 

It was unlikely. And after an hour of awkward silences and pushing our food around with our forks, I’d drawn the conclusion that I had been right. It was unlikely anything could come from this date. Not when my heart was still with a certain blonde across the country. And as time pressed forward through the dinner, my mind was also with her. 

What was she doing? Was she okay? Was she angry? Sad? Relieved? 

I would have done anything to be able to hear from her, but I had promised Lilly I would stay away. She in turn had promised she wouldn’t ever bring Veronica up in our conversations. Though after the lashing she gave me, I had a feeling our conversations would be short and few between. 

 

Finally the night ended. Natalie and I hugged and I couldn’t help but notice that it didn’t feel right the way her body pressed against mine. Her breasts were larger than Veronica and she was only a couple inches shorter than I was with her high heels. 

It felt wrong. 

We parted, going our separate ways. And I hoped that was last of her I would see. 

It wasn’t.

My dad had set up dinner dates for Natalie and I each Friday night, and part of me wondered if he partially chose Friday night to keep me from going out and making our family name look bad in the tabloids. I couldn’t give less of a shit what our family name looked like, and after I would drop Natalie off at her house, I would find my way to a club. I had a few friends from college that would meet me in the city to party, and we would spend the night drinking, doing drugs, and fucking women. 

Sometimes I would almost forget about the blue eyed ghost that haunted my dreams at night. 

Almost. 

I spent weekend after weekend like that. Being an immature idiot, but I couldn’t find it in me to quit. Feeling nothing was better than feeling the pain of losing the one I loved. 

It was the fourth month of weekly dates with Natalie, when we actually talked and got to know each other. She was a year younger than I was, and had dreams of being an engineer. That surprised me because I had always assumed she would want to be a model or some stupid shit like that. I felt guilty for thinking so little of the girl. I also felt bad that it had taken four months to actually talk, really talk. She was a complete stranger to me, and it was mostly my fault because I had been determined to hate her. 

She was everything I didn’t want. I put the anger I held toward my father on her. I blamed her for being the reason I had been forced to leave Veronica. She had the right family name while Veronica had the key to my soul. 

We spent that night laughing and I realized she was actually quite beautiful in her own way. I invited her home with me, she accepted. 

She was the first woman I fucked while completely sober since Veronica. I woke up with a slender arm draped across my bare stomach and I felt sick. 

I fucking hated that I couldn’t get over Veronica. She hadn’t even attempted to contact me since I had left. Clearly she hadn’t cared enough about me to pick up a phone. Why couldn’t I be with someone like Natalie? Why couldn’t I just be happy for once in my life? Natalie worked in my life. She was someone dad approved of. She liked me and was enjoyable to be around. 

But Natalie wasn’t  _ her _ . 

Veronica. 

My savior turned devil. My angel who tormented me. 

When Natalie woke up that morning I informed her that we were done. 

She laughed and said, “Thank god.”

Dad yelled when I told him. He couldn’t have disagreed with us more. 

Mom cried. And not because she had been under the impression she’d be getting a daughter in law. 

I bled. Apparently breaking up with Natalie warranted a broken nose and stitches to seal a busted eye. 

I spent the next years keeping my head low and nose clean. I didn’t want to give my dad any reason to disown me after I had already given up so much. I killed the partying enough to pass college and graduated with my degree in business, but as soon as I graduated I was back in the party scene. I didn’t care about much. I had recieved my money from my trust when I turned twenty one, I had my family name, and I had my business with Duncan. 

But I didn’t have Veronica. 

And without her, I had nothing.

* * *

 

**Present: Logan**

 

When most people in the city were busy Black Friday shopping, Veronica and I spent the day rolling around in my king sized bed getting to know each other again. I had been right during my first assessment of her. She had filled out and was a woman now. Her curves drove me mad. Her mouth did dirty things. Her pussy was unlike anything I had imagined. 

I had been worried after years of building her up in my mind, that she wouldn’t reach whatever ridiculous expectations I had put on her. But I had been so wrong. She was more than I could have ever imagined. 

After we ate lunch, leftover turkey sandwiches, we had another round of sex in my bed. We then curled up and slept off our all-nighter. I’d like to think I was a man who could go all night, but after actually going all night with Veronica, I decided it was not the wisest decision. I felt like I could sleep for a week. Fuck, especially if her warm, naked body was pressed against mine like it was. 

“Why are you still awake?” Veronica yawned as she stretched her arms over her head. The sheets that had been covering her slid down her body, revealing her perfect tits. I stifled a groan and tried to focus on her question. 

“It’s hard to sleep next to you when I know how much catching up we have to do,” I lied. The truth was that I had been watched her as she slept. Her eyelids would flutter as she dreamed. Her soft breaths caused her chest to rise and fall. But telling her that sounded creepy as fuck, so I kept that part to myself. 

“If you’re expecting round forty, or whatever it is at this point, think again, buddy. I can’t even move my legs.” 

As to demonstrate that fact she flopped around underneath the sheets while making a grunting sound that would have been unattractive on any other person had they not been her. But as she flailed around like a maniac, she was everything I could have ever hoped for. She was carefree, smiling, and beautiful. 

She stopped once she realized that I wasn’t laughing and narrowed her eyes. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” I taunted. 

“Like…” she waved her finger in a circled around my face, “ _ that _ !”

“I’m just trying to figure out a nice way to break things off with you. I’ve changed my mind. I can’t spend the rest of my life with someone who can make such a terrible noise.” 

Her mouth fell open in false offense. “Logan Echolls you take that back. I am a beautiful woman.”

She was, and she knew that I thought so too. 

“Hmm,” was my return. 

She slapped my arm playfully before adding, “Go make me food. I’m starved.”

“What am I? Your fucking servant.”

“Yes.” She nodded emphatically and hid her smile from me. 

Shaking my head, I pushed the covers off of my sore limbs and attempted to stand. Everything hurt. 

Shit, I was getting old. 

“You okay over there, old man?” Veronica asked. I swear that woman had mind reading superpowers or something. 

I gave her a thumbs up before wobbling out of the room and toward the kitchen. 

“Thank you!” she shouted from the room. 

“You’re welcome, lazy ass!”

“Who are you calling a lazy ass?”

“You!”

There was a pause before she laughed, “Okay fine.”

The bedroom was upstairs so I braced myself against the arm rail of the stairs and cursed under my breath. 

Jesus Christ I was out of shape. One night with Veronica and my grave seemed a day closer. 

When I reached the kitchen I picked up my cell phone that I had left on the counter and noticed that I had six missed calls. They were all from the same number: Jane Sawyer. And if they were from Jane Sawyer that meant she had something to tell me about Jeffrey. She probably wanted more money. 

Annoyed that Jane was ruining my perfect day with Veronica, I hit the voicemail button and listened. 

_ Hey it’s me,  _ her sickly, sweet voice rang,  _ Look, I know it’s a holiday. But it’s important. Jeffrey is sick… more sick than he has been for the past few years. I don’t think that he has much time. And I know you’ll regret not seeing him. I know you hate us. I get it, I do. But I beg you please reconsider your stance on not meeting him. He’s wanted to meet you for a while now… Just give me a call back.  _

A wave of guilt filtered through me and settled in the pit of my stomach. I had been so angry when I found out about Jeffrey that I hadn’t ever wanted to meet him. Jane called once a month urging me to change my mind, but I never did, not even when she informed me he was sick and probably wouldn’t live for very much longer. 

I should have felt ashamed to deny Jeffrey of seeing me. But I had avoided him, and Jane, for so long now that I wasn’t sure what was more cruel. Seeing him now that he had no more time left or ignoring him until he slipped away. 

Either way this was exactly why I hadn’t ever wanted to be a father. 

I wasn’t cut out for father/son relationships. If Aaron and Jeffrey had taught me anything, it was that. 

My phone began to buzz a few minutes after I had begun cooking a grilled cheese for Veronica. I reached for it and found my mom’s name flashing across the screen. 

“Yeah?” I said into the phone as I answered it. 

_ “Honey… I heard from Jane.”  _

Dear Lord. Jane had no shame when it came to getting a hold of me. 

“And?”

_ “Logan, don’t you think you should go see him?”  _

No. No, I really didn’t.

“I don’t owe him or Jane shit.”

_ “You know that’s not true…” _

“Really? I’m just a moneybag for them, Mom.”

_ “Sweetie—” _

“No, I’m not discussing this with you. It’s too late for us to have a father-son relationship now.”

I heard my mother sigh on the other end of the line, and I knew I had won this battle. Regardless of what she thought I should do, she knew she didn’t have much ground to stand on when it came to telling me what I should do in this kind of situation. Considering she lied to me about Aaron being my dad my whole life. 

Kids were better off not knowing their dads when their dads were shitty people. Of that much, I was certain. 

_ “Okay, maybe call Jane. Talk things out. You might change your mind.” _

“Fine,” I relented. Honestly, I just wanted to get off of the phone, finish Veronica’s damn sandwich and get back in bed with the love of my life. 

_ “We’ll talk soon,” _ my mom told me before the line went dead. 

A man of my word, I quickly dialed Jane’s number, and peeked my head out of the kitchen toward the staircase. There was no sound coming from the top of the stairs. I still needed to tell Veronica about Jeffrey, and I rathered she didn’t find out overhearing a phonecall. 

_ “Hello?” _ came Jane’s sticky Southern accent. I wanted to hate her, but she made it damn hard. She sounded as though she had the weight of the world on her shoulders, but I refused to let myself feel guilty about any of that. 

“Jane, it’s Logan. I got your call.”

_ “Logan… yes, about Jeffrey?” _

What other phone had there been? Of course about Jeffrey. 

I bit back my sarcasm and opted to be cordial. “Yes.”

_ “He’s not doing well. Doctors say he probably has a couple months at best. The cancer’s spread…”  _ Her voice trailed off and I heard her sniffling. She was crying, and damn if that didn’t hurt a little to hear. The woman may have seemingly conned me out of thousands of dollars when she found out where I was, but she was a desperate woman in a desperate situation. I couldn’t quite hate her for doing what she had to do. 

“So you need money?” 

It was usually the only reason she called. She would tell me she was calling to convince me to meet Jeffrey, but we both knew she could care less if I met him as long as she got her monthly check. 

_ “No…” _ The was rustling from her end. It sounded like papers,  _ “You need to meet him before he goes. You’ll regret it. You’ve invested so much money in him… You need to come back to California before it’s too late.”  _

The battle that raged within me was pulling me to pieces. I wanted to pretend that I didn’t care that Jeffrey was dying. I wanted to pretend like it had nothing to do with me. 

But it did. 

I was his. 

He was mine.

Whether I liked it or not. 

“Fine, I’ll be there. I’ll book a flight tonight and send you the details.”

_ “Really?” _ She sounded shocked.  _ “The sooner the better, honey.”  _

I wanted to tell her not to call me honey. Pet names were strictly forbidden between us. 

“Okay, I’ll get the soonest flight out.”

_ “Talk to you soon. He’s awake, I’ve got to go.” _

“Sure, bye.”

We hung up and I walked back into the kitchen only to find I had burnt Veronica’s sandwich. 

I cursed and pulled it off the burner. 

I had the tendency to fuck things up. 

I just prayed a second chance with Veronica wasn’t one of them.

* * *

 

**Present: Veronica**

 

I waited patiently for Logan to return with our food, and after what seemed like ages, he returned, but he wasn’t the same as when he had left. His bright eyes were dimmed, and his smile had been replaced with a scowl. 

I wondered what about grilled cheese could make someone so grumpy, but I didn’t want to further his bad mood by asking. Instead, I took the plate he held out to me and began to eat. He sat next to me and played with the crust of his sandwich. 

“I burned the first one accidently…” he mumbled. 

“Hmm?”

“The sandwich,” he pointed to my half eaten grilled cheese. “I burned your first one and had to start all over. That’s what took so long.” 

I didn’t know why he was telling me that, but the look on his face told me he wasn’t being completely honest. About what, I wasn’t sure. But I hoped that this wasn’t going to be how we started whatever it was we were doing. 

“Okay,” was all I said back. 

We ate in silence. When I was finished I placed the plate on the night stand beside Logan’s bed and laid back down. 

“I’m going away for business in California for a couple of days.” His voice sounded detached and distant. 

“Okay,” I said again. 

I watched him as he ate the rest of his food. I couldn’t help but notice he almost looked sad. 

“You okay?” I asked him. I softly made circles on his back with my nails. 

“It’s just family stuff. I’ll tell you when I’m back, okay?”

I let out a frustrated breath, but nodded in agreement. There was no point in arguing. I had just come back in his life, I couldn’t expect him to tell me all his dirty family secrets by the first day of getting back together. 

“I promise, Veronica. I’ll tell you. I need you to trust me. It’s some heavy shit, so I’m not ready. Not yet, but I promise I will be when I get back.”

“I trust you,” I told him. 

And I did. He hadn’t given me any reason not to trust him. 

We spent what was left of the day lounging around. Stolen kisses and breaths between conversation that flitted between each of us as we discussed what we had been up to for the past years. 

I told him about NYU and how I interned for Eli at  _ The Singing Room Gallery  _ during my last year of school _.  _ I told how Eli had stumbled upon my own photos and forced me to put a collection up for a winter showcase. I told him about the first piece I had ever sold, and how I went home and cried because all my hard work and dedication had finally been worth it. The piece sold for three hundred dollars, but it could have sold for a million and I wouldn’t have been any more happy. Because in that moment, I had realized my passion could also be what I did. 

“Why don’t you just sell your art? Why work at the gallery in sales?” 

I laughed like it was the funniest thing I had ever heard, and it kind of was. 

“I’m not successful enough to live off of selling my pieces, Logan.”

“You could be.”

“No.”

“I have a beautiful photo hanging in my living room that makes me beg to differ.”

A blush crept across my chest and up my neck. When I saw the way he was looking at me, it spread across my cheeks and to my ears. I felt like a silly schoolgirl, but I reveled in the fact that he could still make me feel so wonderfully special. 

“Well, thank you, but I don’t have the means to do that right now. And I like my job, thank you very much!” I playfully swatted at him. 

“Even when you have to deal with pain in the ass artists?” he asked me referring to our conversation in my office. That day seemed like it had been years ago when in reality it had only been a couple of days. Time, in regards to Logan, had always been off— speeding up or slowing down.

“Especially then,” I winked. 

He rolled his eyes, laughing at me, before he turned more somber. The mood shifted, and I knew he was about to ask a serious question. We’d managed to skirt around them until then. 

“Why didn’t you ever try to contact me? You were so close…”

“I did.” 

His eyebrows shot up and he placed himself closer to where I sat. 

“Well, I found you… or saw you, rather…” I tried to explain. 

I didn’t want to tell him about the time I had seen him on a date with a beautiful brunette who looked like a model. 

“When?” he seemed genuinely confused. 

“About four months after you left… I was just getting settled in New York. I went to this nice restaurant with Lilly, and there you were.” I cleared my throat and began to fiddle with the hem of his plain white tee  shirt that I was currently wearing. Taking a deep breath, I continued, “I was shocked to see you. I mean, what were the odds? It’s a huge city… But just before I was going to say hi, I saw that you weren’t alone.”

“Natalie,” Logan said under his breath. His eyes squeezed shut and he shook his head.

“Was that her name? She was beautiful.”

“We weren’t ever serious. Dad set us up when he wanted her family’s business to merge with ours. I took her out a few times, but neither of us were ever into each other.”

His explanation didn’t hurt any less. Though, I couldn’t have really blamed him for the situation. He hadn’t done anything wrong by taking a woman to dinner. More than anything I had been shocked to find him smiling and laughing while on a date when I had spent those four months pining over a man who was clearly over me. 

“You looked happy,” I tried to smile. I failed, miserably, and I knew he saw right through me. 

“Hmm.”

That was all he said. Awkwardly, I tried to change the subject. “When do you leave?”

But apparently Logan wasn’t done talking about Natalie, because he ignored my question. “I didn’t ever have feelings for her. I actually broke things off with her prematurely. Dad was pissed, but I couldn’t keep lying and pretending like I was enjoying myself when all I thought about on my dates was whether you were on one across the country.” 

His confession threw me off because while he had told me that he always held onto the memory of me and he told me he missed me, I hadn’t expected him to feel so deeply the way that I had. I could relate to dating someone for show. After a year of being single, I finally began to date again. Not because I wanted to, but because it was expected of me. Society said it was weird to be approaching marriage age and not be dating. Lilly told me I needed to fuck Logan out of my system. Dad was worried that he’d never have grandchildren. 

What I wanted hadn’t mattered because it was deemed strange and even ridiculous. So I put on a show for those around me, and as soon as the men I dated began to get more serious, I would move on. I wouldn’t be trapped in a passionless relationship for the rest of my life solely because I stayed with one man too long and he popped the question. That had almost happened once, and I learned the hard way why I left before the “I love you’s.”

I hadn’t meant to hurt Piz, but he had felt nice. Rather than the normally cold feeling I felt with the other men, I had felt warm. Warm, but not hot. It wasn’t the kind of heat that set one’s soul on fire. 

I had experienced that once, and I was convinced it wouldn’t ever happen again. Logan had eternally branded himself on my heart, and there was no getting rid of him. 

“So I should have said, ‘hi’?” I joked.

His eyes darkened. Sucking his lower lip in his mouth he examined me. 

“Baby, if you would have come over and said hi, I would have stood, taken your hand, and walked the hell out of that restaurant, and I wouldn’t have looked back.” 

“Well, shit. I guess we both missed out on that, then.”

He pulled me into his arms and laid us down, I ontop of him. I laid my head down on his sculpted chest and closed my eyes and listened to his heart beat. 

It was a constant and steady reminder that he was actually here with me. I was being held in his arms again. This wasn’t one of my many dreams, but reality. And we had promised ourselves to each other this time. 

Each thud lulled me closer to the edge of sleep. 

“Veronica,” I faintly heard Logan’s soft voice. It wrapped me in the warmth of the sound of him.

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” I finally told him aloud. I didn’t have look up to know he was smiling. I could hear it in the speed of his heart. Mine raced with his. Both beating fast and for each other. 

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

* * *

 

**Present: Logan**

 

I left Veronica the next day, and told her she was welcome to stay at my home while she was gone. She did an excited dance as she clapped her hands wildly at the thought of being allowed to stay there. 

I fucking loved her like that. Excited smile, eyes dancing, hair wild. 

She told me she was inviting Lilly over for a girl’s night, and I sighed an okay. Lilly had been badgering me about visiting my place, but I had always told her it was a bad time. The truth was I had tried to stay away from Lilly because she reminded me too much of her perfect, blonde best friend. 

My flight left early Sunday morning and I returned Tuesday night. I had told Veronica it was a business trip, and with Jane involved, there was a good chance that it would end up being business. She’d inevitably ask me for more money, and I would comply because my heart hadn’t caught up with my head when it came to thinking Jane was a gold digging leech. No, my heart ached when she would tell me her latest sob story. I would end up feeling guilty for whatever reason, and give her what she asked for. 

Jane had offered to pick me up from the airport, but that was the last thing I wanted so I had Duncan send one of our company cars for me. Duncan ran our California branch, and had suggested to visit the office in LA while I was over in Cali. Apparently he was under the impression I would want to see him.

Too many fucking people thinking I wanted to be a part of their lives when all I really wanted was to cut them out of my life for good. 

The car that picked me up pulled in front of an older stone house. It reminded me of a cottage from a fairy tale or something. It wasn’t a rundown piece of shit I had expected it to be. At least I knew my money was going toward something nice. 

Taking a deep breath, I smoothed out my dress pants. I mentally prepared myself for what I was about to come face to face with. 

Jeffrey. 

My biological dad. 

And the man responsible for Veronica’s mom’s death. 


	9. Everything Has Changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, guys this story is coming to a close. I want to thank each and every one of you that has stuck with it, and left reviews and wonderful comments that made my days and weeks. You guys are the most wonderful readers, and I couldn't have asked for anyone better. 
> 
> So thank you for going on this journey with me. Thank you for taking a chance on this fic because I know it was different. 
> 
> Love you all,  
> Britt

**Present: Logan**

 

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I saw Jeffrey. He was the man who had knocked up my mother and refused to help her leave my dad. According to my mom I didn’t need to blame Jeffrey for that. Aaron was a scary man, and scary men had a way of getting what they wanted. What Aaron wanted was Lynne as his wife. 

So Jeffrey accepted Aaron’s payout, and cut off all communication with Mom. They stayed in California for three more years after I had been born before Aaron decided we were too close to Jeffrey should he ever want to claim me as his son. 

It wasn’t until the accident, the one that caused Veronica to lose her mother, that I ever even found out the identity of Jeffrey. Mom had told me through tears that my biological dad had been in an accident. At first I thought she had told me because he was dead, but it turns out fate had other plans. 

He had fled the scene, leaving a man and his wife unconscious. Well, Keith had been unconscious. Lianne Mars, however, was dead on impact. When Aaron and his lawyer looked into the accident, that was when they had learned of the identities of the two people my biological dad had hit in his drunken state. 

Witnesses confirmed that the driver of the car, which was stolen, was most definitely under the influence, but none of them had been able to see the man who ran from the scene. All they knew was that he was a middle aged man. 

That middle aged man was Jeffrey Sawyer. 

Jeffrey Sawyer was the man who I had the unfortunate luck of sharing DNA. 

Jeffrey was under hospice care in his sunny Californian home. He looked like shit. The liver cancer had spread into his lymph nodes, and he would drift in and out of consciousness. While I was there he had been out the entire time. 

It felt like a waste of time. I had flown across the country to meet the man who had been a part of giving me life. Yet I hadn’t even been able to have a simple conversation with him. No,  _ How have you been pops _ ? No,  _ Thanks for nothing asshole.  _

I was angry I had let myself be convinced to come here. To see a dying man that I didn’t know. 

As I made my way to leave, Jane stopped me. 

“Thank you for everything you’ve done for us, Logan. It meant a lot to him.”

Bullshit. We both knew they had used me for my money. 

When I had found out about the accident, I had immediately paid for all the Mars’ medical expenses. I had thought about reaching out to Veronica, personally, but what was I supposed to say? Sorry that my biological dad killed your mother? 

So instead I anonymously gave her family money. I had chosen that money over her anyway. She might as well had benefited from it as much as I had.

After the accident, Jane had found me through my mother. For whatever reason, Lynne had decided to give the woman my contact information. I think it had more to do with the fact that Lynne and Aaron didn’t have the time or patience to deal with the Sawyers after the initial cleanup job after the accident. So instead, they stuck them on me so that they could suck me dry of my money. 

“Sure thing. When he dies, lemme know. I’ll pay for the expenses. I’ve heard dying can be expensive.” 

I wanted to say that I knew firsthand how expensive it was because I had been the one to pay for Lianne’s funeral. The woman that Jeffrey had killed. 

My harsh and detached tone must have shocked Jane, because she didn’t say a single word. Instead she let out what sounded like a gurgling noise. 

I pushed past her and headed toward the car that waited for me. I had been in that house for thirty minutes. It was thirty minutes too long. 

As my driver pulled out of the driveway, I let myself have one more look back at the house that contained a man who was a stranger to me. I wondered what life would have been like if Aaron hadn’t paid him off, if Jeffrey and mom could have ended up together. Would he have been a good father? One to take me to baseball games? One to call me ‘Son’ out of endearment rather than ridicule? 

Probably not considering the fact he had killed a woman while driving drunk and had left her there to die. 

And people wondered why I never wanted kids. 

Well, this was it. Because my DNA, no matter how you looked at it, was thoroughly screwed up. How in the hell was I supposed to have a shot in hell at being a good dad when every dad I had was a fucked up mess? 

I thought briefly of Veronica. She deserved better. 

And I hoped after she found out about my mess of a family she would still choose me. 

She had to.

She was all I had left.

* * *

 

**Present: Veronica**

 

Logan had left me the keys of his to his penthouse, much to Lilly’s pleasure. She had practically left me deaf in one ear after she squealed when I told her we were having a girl’s night in Logan’s home. 

There really wasn’t a good reason why we couldn’t have our girl’s night at my apartment, other than the fact that my apartment was smaller and Logan kept his house stocked with top shelf alcohol. He had even sent someone to buy us groceries for the night. Yes, Logan Echolls had a personal grocery shopper. I had officially seen it all. He had shrugged it off telling me shopping in New York City was a pain. 

Lilly arrived in her pajamas at seven Sunday night. Only Lilly would run around the city in her silk PJ’s. 

“What if I had wanted to go out?” I asked her in regards to her outfit. 

“Tough shit, sweetheart,” was her reply. 

Lilly had joined me in the city the year after her graduation. She had been there ever since. She worked for some top notch law firm, and even had her very own intern. He was the boss’ son, and she spent every waking second of the day complaining about how much she hated the kid. 

Personally, I didn’t see what she had against him. He was easy on the eyes. There were far worse interns to have. 

“I cannot believe you two are back together,” Lilly gaped as she took in her surroundings. Logan’s house was something to get used to with how big and beautiful it was, though Lilly’s flat was definitely one that could rival it. 

“I know… Sometimes I still pinch myself to see if it’s real or if I’m dreaming.”

“Babygirl,” Lilly smiled, “You’re not dreaming.”

She plopped down on the couch. The same couch on which Logan had done very dirty things to me. I blushed at the memory, but followed suit. I sat myself next to my best friend and put my feet on the coffee table. 

“I think this is fate telling us we were supposed to be,” I told her. 

“It’s definitely  _ something _ .”

Lilly almost sounded discouraged, but when I looked at her, she held her normal, pretty smile. 

“How’s the intern?” I asked her, knowing if I got her on that subject she could spend at least an hour gabbing while I made us drinks and snacks. 

“ _ Gawwwd _ , don’t remind me! He’s still the worst. Want to know what he told me today?”

“What?” I asked, only halfway listening. I stood and made my way to the kitchen. Lilly followed and continued to tell me about how her intern, her very hot intern, had told her he’d like to fuck her against her office door. 

Again, I couldn’t see what the problem was. Sure, it was kind of douchey, but Lilly was usually into those kinds of guys. 

“How old is he again?” I asked. I poured Kahlua into a glass that had vanilla ice cream at the bottom. It was a juvenile drink, but Lilly and I loved them.

“He’s twenty-three,” she sighed. She grabbed one of the glasses and spun the spoon around. “Remember when we were that young?” 

“He’s not  _ that  _ young,” I argued. 

“Veronica Mars, he is eight years younger than me! What exactly are you saying? That I should let the kid have his way with me against my door?” 

I bit back a smile, and shrugged. Personally, I thought she spent too much time dwelling on a “kid” she said she “hated.” 

She huffed and headed back to the living room. 

“I’m choosing the movie just because of that remark!” 

I didn’t remind her that I really hadn’t said anything other than the fact that he wasn’t the baby she was trying to make him out to be. 

“And fucking against doors leaves bruises anyway!” she yelled before I grabbed my own glass.

I laughed and shook my head. 

She was crazy. But she was my best friend and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

* * *

 

**Present: Logan**

 

Because Duncan had claimed he had business reasons for me to visit our LA office, and because I had told Veronica I was in California on business anyway, I agreed to meet Duncan on Monday. I wasn’t leaving to head back home until Tuesday anyway. 

“So Meg and the kids are doing great, thanks for asking.” I had barely sat down in his office before Duncan started bombarding me with his personal life’s details. I hadn’t asked about Meg and the kids because I really didn’t care. He was my business partner, not my friend. Not anymore at least. 

“I’m back with Veronica. You remember her, right?” 

I was being a dick, and I knew it. Honestly, I really just wanted to see the look on his smug little face when I broke the news that I was with his ex again. Years with Meg and I knew he had to regret letting Veronica go. 

If he was affected by the news, he didn’t show it. Which pissed me off further. I had expected an outburst, yet I hadn’t even gotten so much as a thick swallow. 

“Oh?” he asked casually. As if I hadn’t just told him I was back with the girl he had threatened me about ten years ago. 

“Yep.” I let the ‘P’ pop at the end. He gave a smile, and I wanted to punch him in his damn mouth. He didn’t get to smile about this.

“I’m happy for you, man! How did that happen?”

Suddenly telling Duncan about Veronica didn’t seem as fun as I thought it would be. He was too happy. Too nonchalant. 

“We ran back into each other in New York… I thought you’d be pissed?” 

“Why would I be pissed?” It was then that I noticed the slightly higher octave of his voice. I was getting to him, he was just a good liar. 

“Dunno, I guess considering you threatened me last time—”

He rolled his eyes dramatically, “I didn’t  _ threaten  _ you.”

“Hmm, really? So why exactly did you go to my dad about me dating her?”

“Because she wasn’t yours to have, jackass!” 

His sudden outburst had my internal asshole smiling ear to ear. I had gotten to him. I was thrilled that I had what he never could. I loved that there was nothing he could do about it now. He may have played a small part in me losing Veronica, but it was enough of a role for me to hate him. 

“You cheated on her. Or do you need to be reminded of that?”

“I remember,” he grumbled. He played with the pencils that were lined up perfectly on his desk. 

“So why exactly didn’t I have a right to take her? At least I appreciated her for who she was, what she was.”

“Dude, have you even heard of bro code? You don’t exactly date your best friend’s ex.”

“ _ Dude _ ,” I mocked, “Have you heard of being faithful to a woman you planned on proposing to?” 

“I messed up,” he shrugged. The dick fucking shrugged as if he were saying he forgot to water the damn flowers or flush the toilet. That had my blood boiling. I thanked God that Veronica had gotten out of her relationship with him. Because while I didn’t come close to deserving her, Duncan didn’t even deserve to  _ think  _ about her pretty face. 

“You messed up?” I ground through my teeth. “I’d fucking say so.”

“Well, it seems like she’s chosen a great guy to settle down with. Seeing how you’re such a saint and all.”

“I’d never do anything to hurt her.” My tone was a warning. He was treading on very thin ice. 

“Except that one time when you left her in California and you ran back to New York where you fucked your way through your twenties. Anyone who saw her could see you broke her.”

I slammed my hands down on his desk, but he seemed unfazed. That crazy bastard wasn’t even scared of me. 

“And why do you think I had to leave her behind? Let’s take a trip down memory lane where my supposed best friend called my dad and ratted me out!” I was yelling, deep and bellowing. People had stopped outside of Duncan’s door and were watching us with curious and scared eyes. 

“I did what I thought was best for you.”

I pointed my finger in his face and leaned across the desk. I ignored as the pencils toppled off the desk when I called him out. “Bullshit. Bullshit and you know it. You threw a little fit because if you didn’t get her, nobody could.”

Again he looked unfazed. He lazily looked into my angry eyes and smiled. 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

I stood up and fixed my jacket. I was so fucking done with him and his lies. 

“Remember we have a conference call on Wednesday!” Duncan called after me as I left his office. I returned his flippant reminder with the bird and walked away without giving him a second glance back.

* * *

 

**Present: Veronica**

 

Lilly was drunk. And by drunk I meant, full blown singing Whitney Houston in her underwear, drunk. 

“Veronica, baby, you are still too reserved. For a girl getting dick, you’d think you’d be a bit looser!” She giggled as she shimmied to whatever pop song was blasting through Logan’s surround sound. 

“Lilly you’re wasted!” I laughed back. But I didn’t deny the part about getting laid, because it was true. 

“You know, I’m really surprised you still gave it up to Logan after finding out who his dad was!” 

She spun around in circles, a bottle of wine in her hand. 

_ Who his dad was _ ? Aaron Echolls? I had known who his dad was since we had first met?

“What?” 

“His dad!” She stopped spinning and gave me a,  _ duh _ , look.

“Aaron?” I asked, still confused as to why I would change my mind about Logan because of his dad. 

“No, silly. His actual dad.  _ Jeffrey _ .”

Though she continued to spin, I felt like my world had suddenly froze. Jeffrey? Who the hell was Jeffrey?

“When Logan called me the night he found out his bio dad was the one in the accident, I thought for sure you’d hate him if you ever found out,” she continued, completely unaware that I had no idea what she was talking about. “But here you guys are. Lovebirds loving.”

The accident? 

“Accident?” I asked stupidly. I still wasn’t following. 

“Yeah, the one…” she paused and gave me a weird look. Her eyes widened. “You don’t know?” she screeched.

“Know what?” I demanded. 

“I’m going to murder Logan.” 

“Why?”

“I don’t think I should be the one to tell you. Forget I even said anything.” 

She slowly slid to the ground and took a large swig from the wine bottle. I watched her and she watched the television that was silently playing an eighties rom com. She was avoiding eye contact. She knew something. 

“Lilly what aren’t you telling me?”

She peeked out of the corner of her eye, “I can’t tell you. I made a promise that I wouldn’t. But when Logan tells you, try to hear him out. He’s done a lot of shit for you that you don’t even know about.” 

I wanted to hold her hostage and force the information out of her, but I knew it was futile. She wouldn’t give me what I wanted. She was too loyal to do that to Logan. 

I wondered if what she knew had anything to do with what Logan had promised to tell me when he returned. My stomach twisted nervously as we slipped into silence and watched the screen of the TV. Neither of us felt like dancing anymore. 

_ Please don’t let this ruin us _ , I silently begged. 

Whatever it was, it couldn’t be that bad. Could it?

* * *

 

**Present: Logan**

 

I arrived to a quiet home. But Bob had informed me that Veronica had arrived after work, so I knew she was somewhere in my house. 

“Veronica?” I called. 

When I didn’t get an answer, I dropped my suitcase and bounded up the stairs. It was already ten at night and I was dead tired from a day of traveling. 

When I got to my room, I found my beautiful girl curled up on top of my comforter of my bed. I watched her for a moment, allowing her a little more time of peace because when she woke up, I was telling her everything. No more excuses. No more time. I had let this drag out long enough. 

Slipping out of my dress pants, I slid into bed next to her. The movement of the bed must have woken her, because she groaned and peeked through her heavy eyelids. Her mouth curled into a sleepy smile. 

“When did you get here?”

“Just now.”

I pushed her hair out of her face and brushed my thumb across her cheek slowly. If what I told her changed her mind about us, I wanted to have this last moment together. I wanted to remember her like this. Tired eyes, crazy hair, mine. 

“How was California?” she asked in a quiet voice. She didn’t sound like herself. She almost sounded guilty. About what, I wasn’t sure. 

“I shouldn’t have gone,” I told her truthfully. The fact was, I wished I hadn’t. I had wasted my time. I went in hopes that seeing my biological father for the first time in my life would be some life altering event. That everything would fall into place. He wouldn’t have cancer, and we could go on fishing trips or some stupid shit like that. I wouldn’t ever admit that to anyone, but it was the truth. I had hoped that I was wrong about him, about the situation, about my entire life. 

But I hadn’t been wrong. 

My biological father was still dying, and he had still left me to be raised by a monster for cash. 

My best friend was a dick who hadn’t ever deserved to call Veronica his. 

And the love of my life was going to find out that my family was directly tied to the accident that claimed her mother’s life. 

“Bad business?” Her joke was half-hearted and sounded forced. Something was definitely wrong. 

“Veronica…” I wasn’t going to lie to her any longer. But how was I supposed to tell her the truth? “I was visiting my father,” I rushed without thinking. Apparently direct and to the point was how I was going to tell her. 

“Aaron?” 

The way she spoke told me that she knew that wasn’t who I was talking about. 

_ She knew.  _

“You know?” My voice was forced and low. It sounded as shocked as I felt.

“About Jeffrey? Yes. Lilly’s drunk ass spilled the beans… But there’s more than you not being Aaron’s, right?” 

With a heavy sigh, I pulled myself up. I couldn’t tell her this while laying next to her. Scrubbing my face with my hands, I decided to just go for it. Rip off the bandaid. There was no other way to go about something like this. 

“Aaron isn’t my dad,” I acknowledged. She sat up and nodded her head, willing me to continue. “My mom had an affair with my biological dad, Jeffrey Sawyer. From what I gather, mom tried leaving dad— er, Aaron— but he wouldn’t have it. He paid Jeffrey a hefty amount of money to stay away. He left mom, and me, and we never heard or saw from him again.”

Her soft touch on my arm pulled me from my thoughts. I watched it as she slowly rubbed my arm in attempt to comfort me. 

“I’m sorry…” she told me quietly. 

I nodded my head and cleared my throat. That wasn’t even close to being the hard part. 

“There’s more,” I warned her. She glanced up at my hesitantly, but remained silent. “We never heard from him again until he was in an accident. His wife, Jane, called mom because she knew he had a son. She knew that we had given him money before and so she needed help. They needed help.” 

“Was he hurt badly?” 

Her words were soft and thoughtful, and that cut me as though they were sharp. Because she had no reason to be worried about Jeffrey. Not when he had been the cause for so much pain in her life. 

“No, he was fine.”

“Why did he need money?” she asked confused. 

“They needed Aaron to make sure that his name was never connected to the accident. He was fine. But he…” 

_ He killed your mom. _

I didn’t want to tell her, but it was necessary. 

“Veronica, there’s a reason the man who caused your parents’ accident was never found.” 

I licked my lips, my body tense from revealing such an important piece of information to Veronica. The truth was out there now. It hung around us like a shadow. I watched as she processed what I had told her. I saw the confusion melt into realization and realization into shock. The pink color of her skin paled and her beautiful eyes widened. Absentmindedly she touched her fingertips, the ones that had just been running up and down my arm, to her lips on a silent gasp. 

“Jeffrey…” she choked out after a moment of strangling silence, “Jeffrey was the one…” she couldn’t say the words. She shouldn’t have needed to say them. They were my cross to bear. My burden that I had carried around with me for years. 

“Jeffrey was the man who killed your mother,” I confirmed. “And then we paid off the witnesses to make sure nobody found out.” 

“Your dad?” 

“My biological dad, yes.” 

I waited for her to say something. That she hated me. That she never wanted to see me again. That I and my family had ruined her life. But I was met with a stillness from unsaid words. Words I could see running through her mind because her eyes were like windows. I knew she had things to say, but she was refraining from them. 

I waited for her to do something. Slap me. Get up off the bed and leave the room. Turn away without a second glance back. But instead she sat motionless like a statue. But I saw the pain etched across her face. I saw the way she was struggling to breathe evenly. 

“Your dad… your dad killed my mom?” she asked hoarsely. 

“My biological…” I stopped myself from repeating that he was only my biological dad. Nothing more than a sperm donor. But the truth was that it didn’t matter if Jeffrey had never been a real father to me. It didn’t matter that I never knew him. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t even met him until this week. Because the truth was, I shared his DNA. He was my father, and he killed her mother. And to add insult to injury, Aaron had paid off the the witnesses to keep them quiet. Jeffrey would have been caught. He would have paid for what he did, but my family kept the entire thing quiet. 

We lived with the heavy truth, while Veronica walked around each day wondering who had taken her mother from her. 

I nodded and waited. 

Waited for her words. Her goodbye. Her hatred. Her tears. 

I waited. 

And I would have waited forever if she had asked. 

But she didn’t. 

She took a deep breath and began…

* * *

 

**Present: Veronica**

 

The information he had told me made sense— logically at least. But I couldn’t wrap my head around it. 

Because of Lilly, I had known Aaron wasn’t his biological father. I knew his real dad was named Jeffrey. But I hadn’t ever considered that the truth that Lilly kept from me, that  _ Logan  _ had kept from me, was that detrimental. 

He killed my mom. I had a name to place with the man who had taken her from me. I had a family to blame for the lack of justice we had received in her death. 

It couldn’t be true. 

But as I forced myself to look at Logan, I knew it was true. He looked in about as much pain as I was feeling. 

_ Not his fault, _ I told myself.  _ It’s not his fault. _

But had he been the one to pay off the witnesses? 

“You said  _ we  _ paid off the witnesses…” I didn’t know how to ask what needed to be asked. If he had been the one to keep things quiet, could I forgive him?

“Aaron and Lynne… They paid off the witnesses. A fact I didn’t know until Jane called me one day and asked for more money. Apparently, dad had sent them hush money too.”

But he  _ had  _ known Jeffrey killed mom. And he hadn’t said anything. Did that make him just as responsible? 

“But you knew…”

“I knew.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” 

He took a moment before he answered, “I was still waiting for my birthday so I could receive the money from my trust. Aaron threatened me with that and with divorcing Mom… which was one of the reasons I left you ten years ago. Aaron had threatened me with that when he found out about our relationship. He wanted me to date women who would benefit our family and his business…” He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. 

“Natalie?” I questioned. He didn’t remove his hands, but nodded in answer. 

Why Logan had dated Natalie now made more sense. I was shocked that anyone’s father would care that much about who their son dated, but then again I wasn’t part of their world. 

A world where you could get away with murder.

That thought ripped me back into reality. 

“So you didn’t tell anyone that your da— Jeffrey was the reason for my mom’s death because you wanted your money?” 

My words were harsh, even to my own ears, and I could feel Logan tense beside me. I knew that he wasn’t a cruel man. I may have not known him for very long, but I did know that. But I couldn’t get past the fact that he wouldn’t have told anyone… 

“No.” His voice was firm and he sounded kind of angry. But I was still in too much shock to care too much for his feelings. “I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want my mom to be left with nothing. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want you to find out. I didn’t want you to hate me…”

“Why would I hate you?” I demanded. But I knew he had a point. I could see why he was worried I would find out that his bio dad had been the one to kill Mom. 

“I don’t know, Veronica,” he ran his hands through his hair, teeth gritted, “Maybe because I’ve hated myself since the day I left you, and I figured you probably did too.” 

“But I haven’t… I didn’t ever hate you.” 

“I know that now.”

We were quiet for a moment. I could hear his heavy breaths. They were shakier than normal, and I suddenly found myself wanting to comfort him. But my stubborn streak didn’t let me. He didn’t deserve my comfort. 

At least that’s what I told myself. 

“Do you hate me now?” he asked me so quietly that I could have missed it if I wasn’t as hyper-aware of him as I was. 

“No.” My voice was a contrast to his small one. It was confident and loud. I didn’t hate him. Hell, I didn’t think I ever could even if I tried. And in the past years, I really had tried. 

His beautiful amber eyes trailed up my body and rested on my face. I could see the worry that they held.

“I’m so sorry,” his cracked voice told me. 

“I know.”

And I did. I could read his expression— the way he held himself. 

We had both been dealt shit hands when it came to life. Him even more than me. It was then that I realized we needed to stop blaming ourselves for things that were out of our control. 

When Mom died, I felt guilty for not trying harder to help her get clean. I thought maybe if her life had been on a different path, my parents would have been somewhere else that night. Or maybe her Karma wouldn’t have shown up to take her away. Whatever the reason for her being gone, I blamed myself. 

Mom and Dad had been in a pretty bad place financially when she died, and we struggled to figure out how we would pay for all the expenses that came from someone dying. Then Dad has his medical expenses to deal with. My dad shut down for weeks, and I was left with the burden of figuring it all out. 

Just when it appeared that I would have to drop out of school, a mystery donation came through. Not only had the person paid for Dad’s hospital bill, but they paid for everything in regards to Mom’s burial and expenses. 

My eyes widened as realization settled in. Lilly’s words echoed through my mind _ , “He’s done a lot of shit for you that you don’t even know about.” _

My eyes found his, and I found myself asking the question I already knew the answer to, “Was it you?”

“Me?” He sounded genuinely confused, and for a second I thought maybe I had it all wrong. 

“Did you pay for everything?” I clarified.

He looked down to his hands and I had my answer. Tears welled in my eyes, and I tried to find words that could adequately explain how I was feeling. 

He had saved us— me— and I hadn’t even known. If he hadn’t done that for us, I would have ended up in California as a college dropout. I would have still been working a minimum wage job. I wouldn’t have my photos in a gallery in New York City. I wouldn’t have ever found myself. 

“Why?” I managed through the tears. 

“I loved you, and I had to do something,” he told me as he continued to stare at his hands. 

I pulled them into my own and squeezed. 

“You have no idea how much you did for me, Logan. You have no idea how much it means to me…” 

I felt the warm, wet tracks the tears made down my cheeks. I didn’t even attempt to hide them. 

“I’m so sorry,” he groaned again. 

“Don’t be. You didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, you ensured that I had a future. If it wasn’t for you…” I couldn’t finish my sentence because of the lump that had formed in my throat. 

It wasn’t until I felt his thumb swiping my tears from my face, that I realized that he was no longer looking down but rather looking at me with such intensity I could have melted. 

He laid down and dragged me with him, pulling me to his chest. I felt each breath he took as his chest rose and fell. He trailed his fingers up and down my torso, holding me close to him. We didn’t speak. I don’t think we could have found words even if we had wanted to. So we clung to each other, not speaking a word. But we needed the silence. I needed the silence. I needed the way it covered us like a blanket. There was a comfort in the way the heat of our bodies warmed me. The way our scents mixed together on his sheets. The way our breaths fell against our skin at the same time. 

It had always been so loud between us, even in our ten years of not speaking. Our silent pleas and curses and prayers were deafening. But as we laid next to each other, listening to each other breathe, we had finally found the calm of the storm. 

I knew why he had left ten years ago. I knew why he was hesitant to love me now. The truth had made its way to the surface, and it promised a future. I wouldn’t end things with him, the way he thought I would. How could I when he had been the cause for so much good, maybe the only good, in my life? He thought he was a dark spot on a pristine canvas. He thought he ruined the beauty of me. But what he didn’t understand was that he was in everything beautiful that I saw. When I walked through the city for these past years, I couldn’t help but smile at the thought that he could have been in any of the tall buildings that sparkled in the sunlight. When I saw a mother kiss her baby, I would imagine a life where I could kiss my own baby— our baby. When I lifted my camera to snap a photo, I wondered what he would think about it. 

Ten years ago he had stolen my breath, my heart, my soul. He filled me in a way that I couldn’t explain. He thought I was his saving grace, when in reality he had saved  _ me _ . He taught me how to live. He taught me how to love. I could never thank him enough for that. 

No, I wouldn’t be leaving him. I was staying. 

I was his.

* * *

 

**Present: Logan**

 

To say I was shocked by Veronica’s reaction would be an understatement. The fact that I was holding her as she slept was even more shocking. She had stayed. She was still here.

I breathed a little easier knowing that I still had here, and if she hadn’t left yet maybe she wouldn’t at all. I knew that there was still a chance that things wouldn’t work out between us. But as her soft breaths fell against the exposed skin of my chest, I could relax in the peace of the present.

We hadn’t spoken a single word after my confession came out. I held her and she held me, and eventually she drifted to sleep. I was too wired to even close my eyes, so instead I focused on the sound of her breathing and the softness of her hair as I played with it between my thumb and forefinger. I wondered what she was dreaming about. I wondered what she would say or do when she woke up. But mostly I found the tranquility after admitting the truth to be like a lifted weight off my shoulders.

As the night drifted on, I found myself becoming drowsy—the adrenaline wearing thin. I pulled Veronica closer to my chest so that her backside was pressed against my front, and I kissed her shoulder. She sighed in her sleep and wiggled her ass against my groin, making me less tired and a whole lot turned on.

“Baby,” I groaned into her ear—not even sure that she would hear me, “You can’t do shit like that.”

She wiggled her ass again, and I knew she was awake.

Damn her.

I pressed my hardened dick against her, and a soft mewl escaped from her.

I leaned against her and whispered into her ear, “I’ve heard makeup sex is always the best.”

She giggled and pushed away from me. Turning, she captured my lips with hers. When she pulled away she gave me a timid smile. “I don’t know if it could be considered makeup sex. We didn’t really fight…”

“Does that mean we’re okay?” I asked, the playfulness gone. I needed to know that she was still mine. That she was going to stay.

“We’re okay. It’s still hard to wrap my mind around everything…”

I linked our hands together, trapped against our chests. I searched her eyes. They looked sad, but more than that they looked hopeful.

“It’s okay to be upset or angry… whatever you’re feeling. It’s okay. And I’m going to be here for you through it all.”

The kiss she placed on my lips was soft and quick.

“I love you,” she murmured against them, kissing my once more. She pulled away and brushed her thumb across my lower lip, examining it thoughtfully. “Thank you,” she told me.

“It’s the least I could do.”  

“Don’t say that. You’ve done so much.”

I gave her a nod, because I knew she really meant it, but I didn’t feel that way. Maybe someday I would feel as though I had atoned for all the shit we had gone through. But that night, I was just content with the knowledge that I got to keep her.

“So about that makeup sex…” The sly grin and mischievous gleam in her eye had me crushing her lips against mine in a moment.

“Logan!” she laughed as she tried to pull away from me. “Jesus!”

“Nope, just Logan, but sometimes I go by God when I do this…” I slid my hand down her narrow  waist. She only wore an oversized tee so I had easy access to her laced boyshorts. My thumb brushed against the skin just above the waistband, causing her to squirm beneath me. 

“When you torture women?” she breathed heavily, taunting me. “I can’t imagine anyone has called you God for that.”

I raised an eyebrow at her, silently asking her if she really wanted to push me. 

I hoped she did. 

Slowly I dipped my hand into her panties and she stilled— waiting patiently for my descent to where I knew she would be wet and ready for me. When my thumb brushed against her mound, she gasped. It was music to my ears— an orchestra of praise before I began to worship every inch of her body. Because I had lied, if anyone was going to be worshipped in that bed, it was her. Always her. 

“How’d I get so lucky?” I questioned aloud. Her chest rose and fell, heavy with her erratic breathing. I slipped a finger into her and she rolled her eyes back. 

“I think…” she breathed, “I should be the one asking that.”

I grinned a wolfish grin, and continued to pleasure her with my fingers. Curling them, hitting the spot I knew would make her moan my name. 

“Oh God!” she cried. 

“Told you,” I laughed before I slipped another finger into her wetness. She was dripping and I could hardly see straight from my insane desire to be buried inside of her. Using the hand that was free, I ripped her panties off of her body. I needed to see her. I needed to see what I was doing. 

“Shit, baby… You’re so perfect.” 

I continued to finger fuck her until I knew she was close. But I didn’t want her to come… yet. I pulled out of her and she groaned with displeasure from the loss of my fingers inside of her. 

“Lo—” she began to protest but I cut her off 

“Shirt. Off,” I ordered before kicking off the boxers that weren’t doing a good job at hiding my hardness from her. 

“Yessir,” she mock saluted. My cock twitched and a groaned at her words. 

“Don’t do that,” I warned. 

“There’s a lot I’ve been told I shouldn’t do.” She stuck out her lip in a pout and I laughed at her attempt to feign irritation. 

“In that case,  _ do  _ come here.”

I laid down on my back and reached my arms out for her to join me. She did as I asked and straddled me. She began to grind against my length. Her slick core coating me. A gutteral sound ripped through me. I needed her, and she was going to be the death of me if she continued the way she was. 

“Do you like that?” she asked, knowing full well I was enjoying myself. 

“Mmm…”

“How about this?” 

She lifted herself slightly so that she could take me in her hands and angle me at her entrance. Slowly she lowered herself onto me. So slowly that I could feel her wrap around my dick in a deliciously torturous way that had me breathing harder than I already was. 

“Fuuuck.” I held onto her hips because I needed to do something with my hands. 

Once she was fully seated, and I was completely inside of her, she stilled. Her hair cascaded around her shoulders— slightly curled and crazy from sleep. The smile that played on her lips was that of a woman who was completely happy. And completely filled— not to sound arrogant. 

Maybe a little arrogant, but hell, I enjoyed bringing her pleasure. 

“Move,” I ground out, “Please. For chrissakes, I’m dying.” 

With a soft laugh, she began riding me. It was slow and calculated at first. She wanted to take her time, make me wait. She knew she was in control and she loved it. But eventually not even she could resist the need that was eating at both of us and she began to grind against me faster. I watched as her breasts bounced with every movement, and I could help but die a little inside. She was so fucking amazing, so damn beautiful. I didn’t deserve her. 

I flipped us so that she was laying on her back. If we continued at the rate we were going, I wasn’t going to last long. And I needed to worship her soft, pale body adequately. I needed time to do that. I needed to show her how perfect she was. 

Thrusting into her, I buried my head into her shoulder, breathing in the scent of her hair. It was distinctly hers. I never could quite place it, but I dreamed about it for ten years, and continued to dream about it now that she was back in my arms. 

Pulling back I looked into her heavy-lidded eyes. 

“Look,” I demanded. “Look at what I’m doing to you.” 

I watched as her eyes skimmed down my torso to the place where we connected. Each time I pulled slightly out of her, my cock glistened from her wetness. I pumped back into her and she whimpered. 

“Watch us,” I told her hoarsely as I continued to slam into her. Needing her. Feeling her. Taking her. 

This wasn’t making love. This was fucking. I would make love to her the next time around. I would be slow and show her how much I loved her. But this was about how much I needed her. I needed to feel her wrap around me, coming apart from the things I did to her. 

Veronica obeyed my command and continued to watch our bodies coming together, and I watched her. Her face was as erotic as the scene she was watching. I could see every ounce of her want and her need for me as her eyes danced excitedly. 

“Logan, please… Oh God! Logan!” she panted. She was so close. I could feel her tightening around me. 

“Stay with me, baby. Come with me.” 

“I… I can’t… I need…” 

She threw her head back against the pillow and slammed her eyes shut. I knew she couldn’t hold out very much longer. 

Thrusting into her harder and faster, I felt my balls tightening and I knew I was close. It was also then that I realized once again I hadn’t used a condom. But in that moment I couldn’t find it in myself to care. I wanted to mark her. Make her mine. I wanted to fill her. 

“Come, Veronica. Come with me,” I breathed into her neck. 

And I was gone. I released myself into her warm pussy as it clenched around me, milking me for every ounce I had to give. And fuck it felt good. 

We laid there for a moment, heavy breaths and bodies sticky from sweat. I could feel the way her heart raced against my bare chest. I was sure she could feel mine too. We were a tangled, hot mess, but it was the first time that I truly felt like we were one. Our souls clung to each other, and I knew they’d never let go. We were heavy breaths that fell in unison as one song that told a story of two broken souls finding salvation through each other. One soul, one body, one love. 

She was mine. 

_ Mine _ . 

I was hers. 

_ So completely hers. _

“I love you,” I murmured into her soft hair. 

“I love you too,” she replied, her voice heavy with sleep. 

I pulled out of her and rushed to the bathroom to find a washcloth so I could clean her. When I returned to my room, I found her sprawled across the rumpled sheets. It reminded me of the first time I saw her like that, like an angel in the night. My angel. 

“Veronica, I’m gonna clean you up,” I informed her before I slid the damp cloth between her legs. She nodded and mumbled something incoherent. When I was finished I laid down next to her and pulled the comforter over our naked bodies. 

It was the sound of content breathing that lulled me to sleep.

* * *

 

**Present: Veronica**

 

Morning light streamed through the open window in Logan’s room. It was blinding and unavoidable. I could have used another eight hours of sleep because Logan and I didn’t get much sleep the night before. When I reached for Logan’s side of the bed, I found it empty and cold. He hadn’t been in bed for a while. 

Wondering where he was, I sat up groggily and looked around the sunlit room. It was exactly how it had been left the night before. A weird chill settled down my spine at the thought that I could have dreamed up last night. 

“Logan?” I called. The room was cold from the winter air, and the bed was warm. I opted to stay wrapped in his down comforter. 

“I’m downstairs. I’m about to head out, babe! Do you need anything before I go?” was his reply. 

I looked down at my naked torso, and felt ashamed for being so exposed for a second before realizing I had no reason to be ashamed. 

“No, I’m good!” 

“I’ll grab a coffee for you before I come home, sound good?” This time his voice was closer. He appeared at the doorway, and when he took in the sight of me naked, he smiled. 

“Mmm… Make it a quad. I’m going to need the caffeine to get through the day. Where are you going?”

He scratched his cheek before answering, “Gonna go talk with Aaron.” 

That didn’t sound fun. I didn’t envy him. Then a terrible thought crossed my mind. Aaron had helped convince Logan to leave me once. What if he was able to do it again? He had threatened Logan’s mom… Logan was fiercely loyal to his mother. Would he really choose me over his mom’s happiness and stability? 

“Wipe that look off your face, babe. I’m not going anywhere. In fact, I’m telling him to go to hell. So you don’t need to worry, okay?”

I tried to nod and swallow the lump that had formed in my throat without my consent. 

He stepped into the room and to where I was sitting in bed. He was close enough that I could smell his cologne and aftershave. It was woodsy and familiar scent. It smelled like home. 

“Okay.”

“I promise,” I urged. 

“I believe you… What if he threatens your mom again?” 

“I can take care of her. She needs to get out of that marriage anyway… So if she wants my help, she can have it. But I’m no longer taking on that responsibility.”

He looked earnest and certain. His confidence made me breathe a bit easier. I hated that he lived in a world where his father, biological or not, would threaten his own son over whom he dated. Aaron was a monster for all I cared, and I wished that Logan would have never had to deal with that growing up. 

“You need any backup?” I asked stretching my arms above my head. My body was stiff from our night of extracurricular activity. 

Logan watched me with burning eyes. I could feel the shift of his demeanor, and swallowed thickly. I would never get used to the way he looked at me. He made me feel like the most beautiful person to ever live. The way he wanted me was incomparable to anything I had or would ever experience. 

“No.” He coughed into his fist. If he was trying to cover up the way he wanted me, a simple cough wouldn’t do it. 

I bit my lip, intentionally, and cocked my head to the side. 

“Don’t,” he warned with a strained voice. 

“What?” I asked— all innocence. I loved driving him wild. 

“I won’t leave my house if I have you looking at me like that. And while talking to Aaron sounds about as fun as chewing off my own arm, it needs to be done.” He looked me up and down. His eyes resting on my breasts a moment longer than the rest of me. “So stop.” 

I yawned, stretching my arms above my head one last time. “I’ll see you when you get home.”

“You’re an evil woman,” I chided, leaning down to kiss me. It was chaste, and if I knew any better he was trying very hard to control himself. 

“You love me.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “You’ve got me there.” He turned from me and made his way back to the door. “I’ll see you soon. Try to rest some more. We didn’t get a lot of sleep.” 

I gave him a smile. One that I hoped conveyed my gratitude towards his constant concern and care for me. “Will do, Mr. Bossy.” 

“Admiral Bossy to you, Mars.” 

I rolled my eyes and scoffed, “Get outta here, weirdo.” 

As he left, he turned to look over his shoulder. His smile was that of love, his eyes full of joy. It was a look I couldn’t wait to see for the rest of my life.

* * *

 

**Present: Logan**

 

The talk with my dad went about as well as I had imagined it would. He cursed at me and told me what a disappointment I had become. As if he hadn’t always thought of me that way, but I kept that tidbit to myself. 

I had assumed he would threaten Mom again, telling me that he’d divorce her, but he didn’t. Not this time at least. He just did a lot of head shaking and telling me that I would amount to nothing if I didn’t have his support. I knew he wouldn’t pull his investment from Echane Holdings. He would lose too much, and wouldn’t want to go through the legal hassle of it all. 

I left his office feeling lighter than I had in all thirty years of living. Things were finally going my way. I had a job that I had worked hard for, I had my dad off my ass for the first time ever, and I had the love of my life waiting for me back home. 

When I reached the elevator to my building, Veronica’s coffee in hand, nothing could ruin the high I was on. Bob gave me a weird look and huffed as he pushed my floor’s button. 

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked me. His words caught me off guard and I laughed. An honest and genuine hearty laugh that filled the elevator car. Bob seemed even more perturbed after that. 

When I caught my breath, I looked to the old man and stuck out my free hand for him to take. He did so cautiously, still confused by my overly good mood. “Thank you,” I told him. “For everything you’ve done for me, Bob. I mean it. You’re the closest thing I’ve had to a father figure, and you mean more to me than you know.” 

I released Bob’s hand and the old man cleared his throat, looking away from me. When he finally spoke his voice cracked a little, “I’m glad you found her. Your missing piece. My Alma was the best part of me. She made me a better person. Veronica does that for you, Son. It’s my honor to have witnessed that.” 

The elevator doors slid open, and it took me a moment to compose myself enough to leave Bob. I wanted to hug him. To spill my truths to this man that had touched my life in a way that I could never explain. But I knew there was a better time to do it, so I stepped out and gave him a small wave before heading toward my front door. 

When I stepped into my home, I found Veronica sitting at the bar in the kitchen. She was reading something on her laptop and mindlessly nibbling from her bowl of cereal. She was wearing one of my old tees and her hair was piled on the top of her head. She looked gorgeous. 

When she realized I was watching her, a blush crept across her face. 

“You’re home,” she smiled. 

“I am.” 

And I was. I was home. 

 

**THE END**


	10. Epilogue

**One Year Later: Veronica**

 

I laugh as I look into my camera, trying to capture the moment that was unfolding in front of me. Logan holds his fingers in a pinching position, but he’s way off. 

“Down a little,” I instruct. 

He attempts to move his fingers down, but the dimensions are still off. I snort and take the shot regardless. It was hopeless anyway. We aren’t ever going to get it right. 

“Did you get it?” He asks me with an excitement he usually doesn’t show. I just nod, lying. 

“Totally.”

I let the camera settle around my neck, and take Logan’s outstretched hand in my own gloved hand. It’s cold. Winter in Paris is much colder than winter in California, but not nearly as cold as New York City. I lean against him, reveling in the heat his body gives me as we stare at the Eiffel Tower.

Logan surprised me with a gift to Paris as our one year anniversary, though Lilly insisted it was more like our eleventh, but who was counting. 

Still, being here with him is a dream come true. All those years ago when we shared our secrets, I wouldn’t have ever imagined that we would be here together. 

“It’s better than I imagined,” I tell him with a hushed voice. He merely nods in agreement. I look up to see that his face is much more serious than it had been just a minute ago. The change in his mood sets me off a bit, but I try not to focus on it and instead focus my attention back on the beautiful scenery around us. 

He had been wrong, of course. I loved Paris, though he had once tried to convince me I wouldn’t. But like he had promised eleven years ago, he was the one to take me. 

“Veronica,” he says suddenly, breaking me from my thoughts. He turns me in his arms so that my chest is pressed against him, but he doesn’t loosen his grip. 

“Yeah?”

“I’ve loved you for eleven years, even if many of those years we spent a part. But I never want to spend another moment without you.”

My heart begins to race with the knowledge of where this is leading. Lilly had predicted this before we got on the plane, but I brushed her off thinking she was being her usual dramatic self. But as Logan lets go of me and reaches behind him and pulls a small velvet box out of his back pocket, one that I had no idea was there, I realized she was right. 

Holy shit. 

“Veronica?” His voice shakes with nerves? Or perhaps he’s excited? Maybe both. I can’t read him. 

“Yes?” I ask just as uncertain as he sounds. 

He bends down and I know what is coming, and I want to shout my answer before he even has a chance to ask his question. 

“Will you marry me?” he asks before popping the top off of the box, revealing a gorgeous diamond ring. It’s a solitaire and simple and perfect. 

“Yes!” I practically shout. I don’t wait for his reply, because my mouth is on his. Showing him the best way that I can how much I love him. How much I need him. 

When we part, I realize that we have attracted a crowd. Some clap, some smile, others cheer us on as they pat Logan on the back. Most of us don’t speak the same language, but I’m sure that the love between Logan and me can be universally interpreted. 

The past year together has had its ups and downs, but I wouldn’t change our story even if I wanted to. Well, perhaps I would have gone up to him at the restaurant when I saw him in New York. I wouldn’t wish being separated from your love for tens years on my greatest enemy. But we’re together now. We’re stronger than ever, and even Lilly can’t help but admire what we share. 

Logan pulls of my glove and slips on the ring, and I admire it as it glimmers in the sunlight. 

“Do you like it?” he asks in my ear. The heat of his breath causes goosebumps to dance across my cold skin. 

“It’s perfect,” I tell him. 

“ _ You’re _ perfect.” 

I roll my eyes at his response, but he doesn’t let me get away with it. Instead he kisses me passionately, in front of God and everyone. 

I blush as we pull apart, but I can’t help but feel a little giddy too. 

“So fiancee,” he smiles, “Where to?” 

“Fiancee,” I say, playing with the way it sounds on my tongue, “I think I like the sound of that.”

Logan steals another kiss before he tugs me away from our view. “I think I need some rest… Maybe we should go back to the hotel?”

I laugh and quirk an eyebrow knowingly, “Tired, huh?”

“Wiped out,” he concurs. 

“I guess we should head back. The bed  _ is  _ awfully nice and big.”

“Mmm…” he replies kissing my hand that is still uncovered and now donning a new diamond ring. 

We walk, hand in hand down the streets of Paris. 

And I can’t help but thinking, Red Satin has never felt so nice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you guys for everything! I'm hoping maybe at some point I can post some outtake scenes as short stories, but we'll see! 
> 
> You are all what inspired me to continue this journey, and I can't thank you enough. 
> 
> XOXO,  
> Britt


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